LITMIR.BIZ

      Baptized Rage, Transformed Grief

      I Got Through, So Can You!

      Copyright © 2017 Cheryl A. Kirk-Duggan. All rights reserved. Except for brief quotations in critical publications or reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the publisher. Write: Permissions, Wipf and Stock Publishers, 199 W. 8th Ave., Suite 3, Eugene, OR 97401.

      Resource Publications

      An Imprint of Wipf and Stock Publishers

      199 W. 8th Ave., Suite 3

      Eugene, OR 97401

      www.wipfandstock.com

      paperback isbn: 978-1-5326-3613-4

      hardcover isbn: 978-1-5326-3615-8

      ebook isbn: 978-1-5326-3614-1

      Manufactured in the U.S.A. 01/09/18

      In Honor and Memory:Hon. Michael Allan Kirk-Duggan

      God-fearing, Family man, Devoted Husband, Genius, Sage, Humorist, Marvelous Friend who has always believed in the good and the best,who gifted with empathy, listened and loved well

      Foreword

      This collection of story and poetry has become my constant companion during these last few months, reminding me that our expressions of grief are in indeed as sacred as our expressions of joy. I did not realize how much I needed permission to give voice to the full range of my human emotions in times of great distress.

      Rev. Dr. Cheryl Kirk-Duggan provides a roadmap to restoration by inviting us to a deeper journey with her through the inevitable disappointments of life. By sharing with us glimpses of her darker moments of despair, with transparency and grace, she reveals to us the crevices of her heart and invites us to baptism.

      Dr. Kirk-Duggan invites us to a holy immersion into the depths of rage and lament that might easily consume us. She does through these writings what few dare, inviting us to the depths of the holy to hear her cries of lament and discover our own. The privilege of this literary journey continues to transform my understanding of my personal rage, our communal grief, and our God. For this, I am deeply grateful.

      Rev. Traci D. Blackmon

      Executive Minister of Justice & Witness

      The United Church of Christ

      Acknowledgements

      A life unfolding is a gift and blessing supreme. To chart one’s experiences like a colorful tapestry woven of intricate stitches is to know a creative journey of visits to the valleys that lead us to shadows and deaths of various kinds, along with many sojourns to numerous mountaintops. Sometimes the journey is fraught with wonder, mystery, and holy surprise. Other times we have a feeling of déjà vu, like we have been there before, and we ponder questions of why, why now, and what is God trying to teach me. Sometimes reality unfolds as if this was to be. Much of what we experience, however, often seems unexplainable. We can find no logical or reasonable answers. We rehearse the story many times in our minds; sometimes we share it over and over again with friends, with no more clarity when we tell the story for the fifteenth time, than when we told it the first. Between the highs and the lows reside the day-to-day, mundane tasks of showing up, and taking care of routine business, of going to work, whether we feel like it or not, the basics of laundry, meals, doctor’s appointments, church, family gatherings, and shopping.

      Like you, I have lived through many such tasks on a daily basis as I have lived through the deaths of parents, friends, parishioners, cousins, aunts, and uncles.

      I became caregiver, when my beloved went from decent health to a myriad of major health challenges including surgeries. Initially, he worried how I would survive six months, a year after he died. Given our incredible relationship and many in-depth conversations about life and death, he knew I would be OK. Disappointments and the trauma of grief, sadness, loss, and accompanying anger and rage often unfold amid various life experiences and changes. There are also mountain top experiences, when we find tools of empowerment and transformation, —and we are changed. . . . . And then, one day, he slipped away.

Many have walked with me on this decade plus long journey, to whom I am grateful. I am deeply grateful to persons who created and introduced the Body for Life (exercise and wholeness) program to me: Bill Phillips, Jerry Braam, Porter Freeman; Cindy Homan; Bambi Laird-Opeliner, the staff and students at the Berkeley Bikram Yoga studio, Berkeley, CA; and Monica Bradfield, Tiffany Ingersoll, and the other staff and students at Open Door Yoga studio, Raleigh, NC. To my colleagues from the Womanist Approaches to Religion, the American Academy of Religion, and those on the list-serv under the auspices of emilie townes and Renita Weems, and Katie G. Cannon who have encouraged me in life and in my writing tasks, thank you. My prayer buddies and cheerleaders include the late Jessie Katherine Wilson, my 83 year-old going on 38 year-old sister/mother friend, Louise Noel Williams; Sister and Brother friends, Gloria Roach Thomas, Lennie Corey, Marsha Foster Boyd, Salima Ira Swain, Stacey Floyd-Thomas, Kelly Brown Douglas, Allison Brewster Franzetti, Janice Lee, Deborah Shaw Boatner, Vanessa Wilson, Markesha Grayson; Estelle Brooks, Arnita Henson, Frank and Maelois Wilson, Adrian Fowler, Rona Drummer, Odette Lockwood-Stewart, Sharon Thornton, Karen J. Torjeson, Karen Lebacqz, the late Diane Thomas, Jane Austin, Alice Kirk Blackburn, Michelle Gonzalez, Sharon Thornton, Faye M. Morris, Opal McCoy, Bea Morris, Patricia-Ann Johnson, Evelyn Parker, Barbara Essex, Ann Jefferson, Lelia Llwelyn, Debra Mumford, Lilipiena Darensburg, Chanequa Walker-Barnes; Beverly Wallace, Evelyn Parker, Michael Hardin, Liz Alexander, Teresa Fry Brown, Ann Harris; my Sankofa elders crew: J. Alfred Smith, Sr., Addie Lorraine Walker, Rose Marden, Dwight Hopkins, Steve Reid, Thelma Chenault; Diana Hayes, Raymond Bryant, Scott Woodward, the late James Noel, and my co-laborers in the Gospel at Young Missionary Temple: Pastor Ronald L. White, Sr., LaTanya Sanders, Glenda Johnson, Angela Black, Delwyn King, Freddie McAllister, Juanita White, Ida Dawson, Leroy White, Ann and Johnny Cooper, Yvonne Mills, Leonard Cross, Cheryl Garris, Georgette Watson; and faithful friend Lannie Willie. Daughters Siobhan Smith, Cheryl Hartman, Mary Cathrine Dorney, Michelle Williams, and Michelle Craig, and sons Christopher, Robert, and Michael Duggan inspire and encourage me: my kids and their spouses and their children are so proud of their “Mom” and Grandma1. My sister, Dedurie Kirk, reads me so well, has always had the wisdom of a 90 year old, even when she was in elementary school, which she so generously shares with me. To the many sages who have crossed my path, many unnamed and many more recent, I am grateful to Norma Campbell, Steven Baum, Alex Elliston, Catherine Lee, Kirk Bingaman, Kim Smith, Janet Nielson, Uma Ratnam, Linda Berry, Amy Schaible, Ellen Condelli, and countless others. For the generosity of spirit and the willingness to share the moments of joy and of anguish, the Bay Area Alzheimer’s Support Group, Berkeley, CA, I give my thanks and prayers. To many encouraging voices I encountered during the time when grappling with critical issues I give thanks: Jean Corey, Emerson Powery, Hugh Page, and Stephanie Crowder. The support and questions of my colleagues from the Racial Ethnic Faculty Association of the Graduate Theological Union (1997–2004) was invaluable, including Fumitaka Matsuoka, Tim Tseng, Edmund Yee, George Cummings, Russell Yee, Warren Lee, Byoung Lee, and Rigoberto Calca-Rivas. To many colleagues some who began as my students, co-learners, and support staff, from whom I’ve learned so much, I tip my hat: Rebecca Parker, Maureen Maloney, Kathleen Kook, Arthur Holder, Robert Russell, Mary Ann Tolbert, James Donahue, JoAnne Henry, Cecelia Gonzales, Joseph de Leon; Ray Carr, Kevin Kocezula, Mary Lowe, Gerard Reid, Dan Peters, Whitney Bauman, Kimberly Whitney, Darnise Martin, Nancy Pineda, Ken Rowe, Joellynn Monahan, Michelle A. Gonzales, and Julie Stoneberg.

      To my colleagues and students

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