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Person of the triune God as a capuchin or a red howler. Insanity would ensue. What a time we would be having, what a time! Regardless, his question caught me completely off guard and I exploded into laughter. I mean, uncontrollable laughter. I couldn’t stop until I realized, through my teary eyes, that he wasn’t laughing with me.

      “Um, no sir, not at all,” I muttered as I was trying to pretend like I was coughing and not laughing. “Again, one can be a primate and not be a monkey. And historically I don’t think the church has had much of a problem referring to humans as animals, or being classified along with other animals as such. Indeed, that is something we share in common, as the Noahic covenant suggests, with all those creatures that God created.”

      “Exactly. And atheist scientists want to pervert that by referring to humans, the one creature on this earth made in God’s holy image, as descending from monkeys and gorillas. Now,” he asked, “how do you square those two?”

      “Well, first of all,” I responded, still trying to choke away the tears, “I don’t think anyone is actually suggesting that humans descended from monkeys. The claim is that monkeys, apes, chimps, tamarins, and others, along with humans, may share a common ancestor. I think that is the claim, and it is being made not just by scientists who happen to be atheists, but by scientists who are Jewish, Christian, Muslim, Hindu. As a matter of fact, in 1996 Pope John Paul II—”

      Cutting me off, again, he said, “That makes it even worse. When God’s very own people neglect Scripture for secular scientific theories, and that’s all these things are—theories created by the Devil to fool us into thinking we’re no better than monkeys.”

      (An important aside: What does everybody have against monkeys? Has anyone actually paid any attention to them? They’re awesome. If only we were so cool.)

      I spent a few moments trying to explain that a theory in science is not to be confused for a wild guess or mere speculation. I told him that a lot of conclusive evidence goes into making a theory a theory, and that it takes a lot of work just to get to the point of being able to call something a theory. I also told him there are a number of theories that many of us seem to take for granted: cell theory, theory of special relativity and general relativity, as well as gravitational theory. I was trying to explain that evolution would not be a theory if it were not thought to be on par with the evidence that makes any of these theories, well, theories. Realizing this was not going anywhere, I decided to get to the more important point he made about the connection between evolution and Satan.

      “You just stated that the Devil created or influenced, I guess you might say, the theory of evolution. Out of curiosity,” I asked, “how would you know that? I don’t mean to be antagonistic, I’m genuinely curious. How do you know that the Devil is behind the formation of certain scientific theories?”

      “It’s easy Brother Tripp. Jesus says that you are either with him or against him. There is no in-between. That’s Matthew 12:30. Is this not correct? Am I not understanding him correctly?”

      “I don’t know if that specific passage is saying—”

      “It’s Matthew 12:30,” he reiterated.

      “Okay, yeah, I believe you. I’m familiar with the text. I think it is actually repeated in both Mark and Luke, though I’m not sure—”

      “Exactly. Therefore, any teaching, or anything for that matter, that conflicts with the truth that is Jesus is against him, and, therefore, comes from the Devil. The Devil is the father of all lies, Brother Tripp. That’s the Gospel of John 8:44: ‘Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature; for he is a liar, and the father of lies.’ That, Brother Tripp, is how I know these things, and that’s how you can know them, too.”

      “Okay, so, in your understanding Darwin was demonic, or, at least greatly influenced by the Devil?”

      “As with anyone who follows his teachings.”

      “But how does this happen?” I asked. “I mean, I know numerous people that are Christian, Jewish, and folks of no religious persuasion whatsoever, who are Darwinian in terms of how they understand the development of the human race. Your claim that these people are demonic is rather inhospitable, to say the least. I think it’s a great affront to Christian sensibilities to label another person, whom we believe to be created in the image of God, with this sort of blanket demonic generalization just because they think differently from you on the processes that occur for life to get from one stage to the next.”

      “It is a very serious matter indeed, but would you not say that Hitler and the German people were under his influence?”

      Wow. I love the leaps.

      “Wait, under whose influence?” I asked. “Darwin or the Devil?”

      “Both.”

      “Well, there is no doubt that German Christianity co-opted with National Socialism, and blind allegiance to their tribal god, was certainly a principality and power that—”

      “Was under the direct control of Satan! Amen?”5

      “Absolutely,” I agreed. “The Holocaust is clearly the failure of Christianity especially as it wed itself to German nationalism underwritten by Enlightenment-based ideologies. I think I am quite good with that claim. If there was ever a moment of wholesale demonic possession of a people, I think that is a pretty classic example. As a matter of fact I have written extensively, in particular, on nation-states as those principalities and powers that tempt us to give allegiance to them that, in this case, made possible something like Nazi Germany and—”

      “And are therefore demonic. Amen?”

      I was beginning to question whether or not I was even required for our conversation. He kept cutting me off.

      He, of course, continued, “Just as Satan uses kings and presidents, and all sorts of power to do his bidding, why would Satan not also use scientists, or engineers, or whomever to lead people even further away from God? People need to be told when they have succumbed to the influence of all those powers at odds with the Lord. And how else will they know if we don’t tell him? You’re an educated man. You know Scripture. You know all about Isaiah, Jeremiah, Micah, Amos, and Hosea.”

      “Hosea was married to a whore,” I said with the authority of one being ignored.

      He didn’t blink an eye.

      “You know it was their job,” he continued, “their task, a task they did not even want, to tell people the word that they didn’t always want to hear. And that’s all I’m doing now. That’s what you saw me do tonight. I’m being a prophet, and prophets are rarely liked by the people they are commanded to prophesy to. You have a whole Bible full of examples. I just named some of them. Jeremiah wept at what he had to do. Isaiah was probably killed for it. You think Hosea wanted to marry Gomer?”

      I guess he did hear me.

      “Nobody,” he continued, “wanted to hear the word they spoke, but that didn’t keep them from speaking it. And I’m telling you now, anyone who thinks we come from monkeys, or shares a common ancestor, as you say, with monkeys, is a liar. And Jesus said that all liars are of the Devil. Why? Because the Devil is a liar. But you already know this. ‘There is no truth in him,’ says the Gospel of John. ‘There is no truth in him.’”

      “So, just to be clear,” I interjected, “because I want to make sure I am totally understanding you on this—let’s not leave anything to a possible misunderstanding—are you suggesting that just as Hitler and those that followed his lead were under the influence of Satan, so too are those that believe in evolution?”

      “Now, Brother Tripp, you know I don’t suggest anything.”

      “Ah, that’s right, that’s right. You’re saying it?”

      “Praise the Lord.”

      “Of course.”

      At this point, we talked a little more about natural selection, Hitler’s use of social Darwinism, and

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