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and the Episcopal Church. In “Dilemma,” preached three years before her ordination, she took as her text Isaiah 53:3–6, the Suffering Servant, and concluded that even in the face of racism and racial violence, the Black Christian must follow the example of Christ who went to the cross and said not “a mumblin’ word.” To follow Christ as he hanged from the lynching tree was difficult for Murray and she revealed that her rebelliousness and impatience tested her ability to accept Black suffering as Jesus had accepted his. She did not want to be despised because of her race (or her gender, which was fluid).

      She was torn because she wanted to be a true follower, a true disciple, but questioned whether she was able to do as the Lord did. The answer was not clear and she knew it was because she questioned the meaning of salvation as it related to life in the present, to life on earth. She said that life in the here and now should involve being safe; that people should be able to live in safety, and live without fear, knowing that God’s love was available to everyone, although that was not the life for African Americans. She struggled with what many Christians have always struggled: how to love those who make it difficult to love, those who treat God’s Black children as less than human, and she concluded that as long as we live as we are called to do—in community—there will always be conflict. However, if we respond with conflict, we cut ourselves off from God’s love and a sense of community. If we fight back with violence, we become lost and alone. She acknowledged that African Americans fought for self-respect and pride, both which had been denied by Whites, and she knew that having self-pride was a stumbling block to salvation. She questioned whether African Americans had to make a choice between having self-pride and enduring racism and injustice without saying “a mumblin’ word.”

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