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This Outcast Generation and Luminous Moss. Taijun Takeda
Читать онлайн.Название This Outcast Generation and Luminous Moss
Год выпуска 0
isbn 9781462911356
Автор произведения Taijun Takeda
Издательство Ingram
"You came out just for that?"
"Yes. I really wanted you to have it." She took some teabiscuits from a black box. They were fried brown and looked homemade.
"Tomorrow's the New Year. I wonder if I can come see you?" she said.
I hadn't mentioned her sick husband, nor had she made the slightest reference to him.
"Quite free and easy, am I not?"
"Yes, free and easy." "Perhaps I'm slightly insane."
"A little," I said.
But I had my mind on Karajima. I wanted a detailed account of him. In spite of her reluctance he was what fascinated me.
"He's really all steamed up about you after all." "It looks that way." She showed her annoyance at my having mentioned it. "That conceited thing went so far as to ask me to save him! I was dumbfounded. It's too late for jokes like that. With the war crimes he's going to be charged with, he's really losing his mind."
"You mean he asked you to help him?"
"Odd, isn't it? A man asking a woman to help him out!"
That surprised me too. My only impression of Karajima was as the man of power you can't help despising. I had thought of him as an annoying insect, not as a man with feelings similar to my own. I didn't really loathe him—that is, I didn't really think about him. So I wasn't quite ready to accept her words at face value.
"It's not even a question of saving him. Since it's absolutely impossible for me to. Even if I could, I don't want to be dragged into the mess he's in. I definitely left him, you know, when the war ended."
She sounded phony to me. That was what she had said at our last meeting. I suspected her words were false, but she probably hoped they didn't sound that way.
"It strikes me he's not the type to scream for help. It's just that he needs you."
"I don't know about that. At any rate, I'm afraid. While he's alive, I can't sleep." She gave me the same look she had used at the door of her apartment. "Will you protect me? Will you love me? I love you."
"You mean—?" I might have felt overjoyed, but even then I wanted to equivocate. It was all so new. In contrast to me, she looked absolutely certain.
"I'm really in a difficult situation. You see that, don't you? So I'm quite serious. Don't lie. If you love me, say so. A half-hearted reply won't settle anything. I'm honestly in love with you."
"I love you. Of course I do. But maybe I can't protect you. I can't protect anyone."
"You love me then?"
"Yes."
"That's enough for me. That's fine. If only you do. Well, perhaps it's difficult for you to protect me." There was no malice in her smile. "You do seem lazy."
"I haven't had any experience along that line."
She grabbed my shoulders and stood up and kissed me. Her lips were quite soft. When she was about to move away, I put my arms around her and gave her a fairly hard kiss.
I felt she had planned this scene. I was certain she was following a script. But that didn't upset me. I didn't even feel I was being taken in. In fact, the thought that she was precious to me kept steadily increasing.
"But can you love me? Can you love a woman Karajima had?" Her eyes were riveted on me, her face oddly static, almost blank, because of her own passion.
"Love me! Think of me with pity! Oh, I want him killed! I wish someone would kill him now, right away!" Clinging to me and drawing her face close and sobbing quietly, she blurted out her threat. Apparently she couldn't control her feelings. All the while I continued holding her against me, I clearly recalled Karajima's face. He was no longer unrelated to me. Through her I was conscious of his body. He came so surprisingly close I could actually smell his breath.
"Before you said Karajima acted like he was coming here, didn't you?"
"Yes." She seemed caught up in some dark thought. "That's been his intention for a long time, I think. I'm sure of it."
"Alone? Why?"
"Probably to talk something over with you."
"But I don't know him that well."
"I didn't know you either, did I? Isn't that true? He suspects I'm relying on you. He's quite desperate. We have no time to lose."
"Is it that bad?"
"Yes. You've never had your life hanging in the balance, have you?"
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