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pole, and the silk material from which it was made felt soft to my skin. My tightly cinched belt prevented it from slipping down and out through my pant legs. I reveled in the feeling of difference this hidden object produced. I was well aware that I had been born in San Francisco, but somehow I knew that my secret game with the American flag was dangerous, perhaps not to me but to my family for owning it.

      Nazi politics and the war also insinuated themselves into my schooling. My teachers at the Gymnasium in Miltenberg were either very good or very bad. Some of them had been transferred from major cities to this provincial outpost as punishment for reasons unknown to the students. I held one teacher, Professor Schwegler, in particular esteem. He had been a tutor in France, and he had a gentle way of looking at literature; it seemed to exist for him in a world quite apart from the one guided by the controlled hysteria in which we all lived. He was different, and that is why I revered him. After his only son was killed in the war, my entire class brought flowers to school. The dignified, frail old gentleman lowered his head and wept—an unbelievable sight in the hierarchical atmosphere of the Gymnasium.

      Although he wore the same clothes year round and never washed or shaved, our chemistry instructor was another good teacher, passionately devoted to his subject and nothing else. He justified his appearance by claiming that God wanted him to look unkempt and he was not about to interfere with divine will. But for the most part, the Gymnasium seemed like a milder version of the Nazi youth meetings. Rigid performance was demanded; no real questions asked, no real answers given. I withdrew further into the world of my own fantasies and, as I grew older, into a world of books.

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