A Smart Girl's Guide: Manners (Revised) - Nancy Holyoke American Girl

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this be you? Take note of your answers.

      1. A girl on the bus told Phoebe that Sofia did something incredibly

      mean to Maya. Is it true? Who knows? Who cares? It’s exciting, so

      you repeat it to Jasmine.

      yes no

      2. “Promise you won’t tell?” asks Rachel. “Promise,” you reply. But you

      do tell. It’s OK. You made the other person promise not to tell.

      yes no

      3. Everybody’s dumping on Madison. She’s mean, she’s stuck-up, she’s

      two-faced—and she cheated on the English test. You say nothing,

      though you know it’s not true.

      yes no

      4. When the other girls start talking about Daniel, you blurt out Jing’s

      secret: “Jing likes him.” Oh, well. What’s the big deal about keeping

      that a secret, anyway?

      yes no

      5. “Emma’s dad yells at her all the time,” you say. Actually, you heard

      him yell at her once. And maybe it wasn’t so much yelling as talking

      loud. Still, he was mad.

      yes no

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      Answers

      If you answered yes, here’s what you need to know.

      1. Don’t repeat what you don’t know. Rumors can hurt people—

      damage their reputations, lose them friends, leave them crying in

      their rooms late at night. Keeping a rumor alive to amuse yourself is

      as bad as starting the rumor to begin with. For that matter, even if

      you do know something is true, it’s mean to repeat it if it’s going to

      hurt someone else.

      2. The responsibility for keeping a secret you promised to keep

      belongs to you and you alone. You’re kidding yourself if you think

      you can pass it off to the next person in line. You let it out, and

      odds are excellent that this third person will treat her promise as

      lightly as you did yours.

      3. Silence in a situation like this amounts to agreeing with something

      you know is wrong. Speak up with the truth.

      4. It’s not up to you to decide whether or not a friend’s confidence is

      important. If she asked you not to repeat it, that’s all that counts

      5. Rumors grow from half-truths, exaggerations, and plain old

      ignorance. Be responsible for what you say. Little fibs can morph

      into huge lies.

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      Quiz

      nosy questions

      When it comes to conversation, there are good questions and there

      are nosy questions. Good questions lead people to talk about things

      they want to talk about. Nosy questions embarrass them or make them

      uncomfortable. Do you know a nosy question when you see one? Find

      out. Identify the questions that should not have been asked.

      1. Nice car,

       Mr. Addams.

       How much did

      it cost?

      2. That birdhouse

      is neat. How

      long did it take

      you to make it?

      3. Did you grow

      up in Ottumwa,

       Mr. Watterson?

      4. What’s your

      middle name?

      5. How much

      does your

      cat weigh?

      6. How much

      do you weigh?

      7. I heard that your cousin

      committed suicide.

      Why did he do it?

      8. Mrs. Steig, do you

       dye your hair?

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      10. Your hair sure is

       white, Mrs. Thurber.

      Just how old are you

      9. We could hear your

       parents fighting last

       night from next door.

       What was it about?

      11. May I see the

       new kittens,

      please?

      12. Is Garry going to summer

       camp again, Mrs. Outcault?

      13. Why did your dad

       get fired? Was he

       bad at his job or

       something?

      14. Why does your

       brother take

       those pills?

      15. What do your parents

      keep in there?

      16. Is there a

      bathroom on

      this floor?

      Answers

      OK questions: 2, 3, 4, 5, 11, 12, 16

      Nosy questions: 1, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 13, 14, 15

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      what do you do?

      What to say when you don’t know what to say.

      Your brother’s girlfriend walks in the door. Her hair is red.

      Yesterday it was blonde—and looked a whole lot better.

      An obvious change in someone’s appearance is like an elephant in

      the kitchen—it’s just too big to ignore. But if you say what you’re

      thinking, this girl will feel terrible. So make it short and sweet: “You

      changed your hair! Cool.” It’s not right to lie, but sometimes it’s better

      to leave a thought unsaid than to hurt someone.

      Jenna bursts into tears at lunch. Sobbing, she tells you,

      “My parents are getting divorced!”

      Express your sympathy and concern (“I’m really sorry!”). Offer what

      help you can (“You can come over to my house anytime”). If Jenna

      doesn’t want to talk, leave her in peace. If she does want to talk,

      listen. Questions about her future are OK (“Will you still come to this

      school?”).

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