LITMIR.BIZ

Скачать книгу

yet another possible rape. I felt terribly alone.

      A few days later I heard there was going to be a party, and I was invited to go. I can’t recall who invited me, or how I ended up there. Why would they invite me? It was held at a big fancy house down on Hamilton River Road. I entered the room and almost ran back out when I saw all the people. Then I spotted Keith. He was sitting, cracking jokes, and laughing with his buddies. I don’t know if he noticed me or not. The party went as well as parties go, but I was feeling shy and inferior. I tried to melt into the walls. Everyone started playing a game called Post Office. It’s where you spin the bottle and whoever it’s pointing to when it stops gets to take a member of the opposite sex into a room for a few minutes. Several people were in that room for longer than a few minutes. I wondered what they were doing in there. It was my turn. Round and round went the bottle, and eventually it stopped. It was pointing straight at Keith. I thought I was going to faint right then and there!

      As we entered the room we looked awkwardly at each other. He embraced me gently and kissed me on the mouth ever so lightly. His lips were silky soft. I trembled as a second kiss became more passionate.

      “Will you meet me at the restaurant tomorrow night?” he whispered in my ear.

      “Yes,” I crooned, rather breathless.

      I walked back into the party in awe. My whole body was trembling. I thought I was going to faint! What was it about him that excited me so?

      I went through the motions of cleaning the house the next day, feeding the children, making the beds, and all the other chores that needed to be done in the run of a day. I thought of the upcoming evening. What would I wear? My pathetic wardrobe offered few sexy garments. Some of the clothes I had brought with me were from the rag-bag my mother had brought from the Mission as payment for her sewing. I’m gonna go shopping when I get paid, that’s for sure, I thought as I polished off the living room furniture. In the meantime I’d have to dig out my pink blouse and black slacks again.

      Keith picked me up in the tiniest car I’d ever seen. Not that I’d seen much of any type of car up to that point. It was a yellow Prince. As we sped down the road with a cloud of sand dust billowing up behind us, I felt happy. We were simply driving around town, not saying much.

      Suddenly the car filled with smoke. Something was on fire! We had to escape quickly for fear of it exploding. Keith wasn’t sure what was wrong, so we hadn’t any choice but to walk back to the restaurant and endure the wisecracks, giggles, and smirks from his buddies.

      “Pretty hot stuff there, eh Keith?” someone snickered.

      “Yeah, if she’s that hot maybe I ought to try her myself,” one of the other guys piped up.

      “Boy oh boy, you got a hot chick this time, eh buddy?”

      I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I felt like crawling into a hole, but I knew nothing had happened, so I endured the teasing. We walked into Saunders’ and ordered a plate of chips with gravy, then we walked to the theatre to see a movie. I wanted to melt into my seat because those brainless guys had made me feel cheap. Maybe I was cheap, maybe I did have a reputation of being easy, and maybe I did deserve the gossip. All that really mattered was that I was with Keith; I was in love. Afterward he walked me home holding my hand, which practically disappeared in his large one. We tucked our trembling bodies tightly against the clapboard siding and I placed my hand on his face as we kissed passionately.

      “Would you like to come inside?” I asked him.

      “Oh no, that wouldn’t be right,” he replied.

      “The Crawfords won’t mind,” I crooned, as our temperatures rose to dangerous levels. “They don’t mind what I do. I’m not their child. I’m free to do what I want after work.”

      Mrs. Crawford was so happy with my work that we never discussed house rules, and even if we had, I really didn’t care at that point. I wanted to feel loved. I needed it. I craved it. And I was going to get it!

      We tiptoed into the house and into my bedroom, which, thankfully, was the first room, just across the kitchen, and eased ourselves onto the bed. I would like to say that I was a good girl, that he would be the first and that I was a virgin, but the opposite was true. I certainly didn’t know that Keith was inexperienced at that point, but sensed something very special about him. I just wanted him so. I had driven him to the point of no return and we awkwardly, but tenderly made love that night.

      Chapter 4

      Falling in Love

      I fell in love with Keith Penny from the very first time I met him. I have heard many times since those tender years that love at first sight sometimes does indeed happen.

      At the risk of being teased by his buddies, we met almost every night at Saunders’ Restaurant. I didn’t know at the time that Keith had dated several of the local girls, most of whom were tall and beautiful. Once I found out I kept thinking, why he would want to have anything to do with such a little person as me? We continued to date every night through August and September. We became a couple and I didn’t care what any of the other so-called pals were saying or what any of the girls were talking about. I was very much in love!

      We dated through the fall of 1960. I did my work during the day and at night, if I wasn’t going out with him, I would walk up the road around the corner to his house and wait for a glimpse of him through his window. I’d watch him comb his hair and put his Hudson’s Bay striped jacket on and head for the door. I wondered where he was going. However, I wasn’t emotionally strong enough to come out of the bushes and face him. I didn’t tell him this until years later. We spent a lot of time at the movies, and jostling with his buddies. We went to house parties and we made love in the twilight.

      In this small town of Happy Valley, it was impossible to hide anything from anybody. Because there was only one hangout, it didn’t take long for Murray to find out. He knew what was happening and I knew he knew, but I was smitten with Keith. As far as I was concerned Murray and I were through. But, how would I tell him? How was I going to just drop him now? Well I didn’t tell him. I just couldn’t! I couldn’t face the pain I knew would be on his face. So I just kept going out with Keith.

      I was walking to the restaurant a few days later when Murray came by on his motorcycle.

      “What’s goin’ on Josie?” he asked.

      “I want to break up, Murray. I have a new boyfriend now.”

      “Ya, I heard about your new boyfriend,” he mumbled. “Then we’re through?”

      I shuffled the sand with my foot, not knowing where to look or what to say. Again, guilt engulfed me as I tried to soften the reality of what was happening. My mind was racing. Didn’t I deserve to be with whomever I wanted to be with? Hadn’t I earned the freedom I’d longed for for so long? We were at a loss for words. There was no argument, no confrontation, just the saddest look in his eyes I’d ever seen.

      “I love Keith,” I finally told Murray.

      He drove silently away.

      Keith and I had a short but very active courtship. He took me to lots of movies and afterward we would go “parkin’.”

      Keith and I started going to church together. We were even talked into selling church calendars door to door! This pleased his parents greatly, and gave them confidence that we were on the right track. Even though I never felt accepted by them, they did their best to make me feel all right; to make me feel accepted. But, unfortunately for me, I never felt it. I felt inferior and that was that.

      I was not prepared for what happened next. When I missed my monthly period, I had no idea why. I knew nothing about the cycle of life other than what my friend Linda Mullins had told me in Cartwright several years earlier. She didn’t go so far as to say what would happen if I became pregnant. So, when I missed two periods, I became very concerned. What would I do? Where would I go if I lost my job? Would Keith leave me? So many questions. I had no one to answer them, and no one to confide in. I hadn’t even a single friend yet. So, when

Скачать книгу