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      Contents

       ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

       INTRODUCTION

       GIFTS

       THE RETURN

       THE THINGS I DO FOR YOU

       JANE AND MR. LEAKEY

       DROUGHT ON THE CASH FLOW RIVER

       DOUBLE-WIDE

       ATTILA THE BOOKSELLER

       THE WHITE SATIRE

       IN THIS INSTANCE

       DOWN THE ROAD TO ETERNITY

       OASIS

       PRINCE CHARMING REMEMBERS

       TEN POINT LESSON

       MRS. BEAN

       THE HEARTSPEAK WELLNESS RETREAT

       TEN POINT DEFENSE

       THE HOLIDAY

       THE INEVITABLE, ONCE MET

       THE TOWERING SON

       THE POET WHO CAME IN THREE SIZES

       BRAVE NEW DESIRES

       TEN POINT TOUR

       DARWIN ALONE IN THE UNIVERSE

       A.

       THE NEW YEAR

       THE ADVICE GIVER

       WHOOPS

       THE MIRROR

       TRAVEL

       NEW LAWS

       THE DATA ENTRY CLERK

       VISITATION AT BARB’S CAFÉ, LADYSMITH, BRITISH COLUMBIA

       LANNY DOES NOT EXIST

       CHEERLEADING

       TEN POINT WEIGHT

       THE SALE OF MYSTERIES

       THE FESTIVAL

       GRAND FINALE

       THE LITTLE PIECES OF YOUR MIND

       THE ENLIGHTENMENT BAND

       THE PASTORAL SITUATION

       THE AIR IS THICK WITH METAPHORS

       AUTHOR PHOTO

       Copyright Information

      For Terry, Bill, and Anna

      Thanks to the Canada Council for the Arts, and to the Seaview Cultural Fund, Victoria, B.C., for generous support.

      Grateful thanks also to the editors of the following publications where sections of the book first appeared: Mondohunkamooga, Toronto, 1996, “Attila the Bookseller”; Geist, 1997, “The Little Pieces of Your Mind”; Ottawa Citizen, 1998, “Gifts”; Adbusters, 1998, “Lanny Does Not Exist”; Reference West Chapbook Series, 1999, the chapbook titled “Gifts” which included “Gifts,” “The Things I Do For You,” “Whoops,” “Mrs. Bean,” “The Festival,” and “The Little Pieces of Your Mind”; Monday Magazine, Victoria, 2000, a shortened version of “Down the Road to Eternity”; Geist, 2001, “Attila the Bookseller”; Exact Fare Only: Good, Bad & Ugly Rides on Public Transportation, Grant Buday, Editor, Anvil Press, 2001, “Gifts”; Adbusters, 2002, “Darwin Alone in the Universe”; Mouth, USA, 2002, “Darwin Alone in the Universe”; All Wound Up—Alternative Writing from British Columbia, Patrick Robertson, David Samis, Vanessa Violini, Christopher Wilson, Editors, Ripple Effect Press, 2002, “Darwin Alone in the Universe”; The Art Tree, Far Field Press, 2002, Alan Brown, Editor, “The Festival”; The Wayward Coast, Far Field Press, 2003, Alan Brown, Editor “The Heartspeak Wellness Retreat”; St. Peter’s Anthology, St. Peter’s Press, 2003, Dave Margoshes, Editor, “The Mirror.”

      Special thanks to Kalle Lasn of Adbusters for granting permission to use the illustrations for the title story, “Darwin Alone in the Universe,” which first appeared in that magazine.

      The story, “Darwin Alone in the Universe,” contains quotes from Nuclear War Survival Skills by Cresson H. Kearny published in 1979 by the Oak Ridge National Laboratory, a Facility of the U.S. Dept. of Energy. The illustration concepts for the story “Darwin Alone in the Universe” and for the cover of this book are by M.A.C. Farrant, after illustrations found in Nuclear Survival Skills (1979 edition), with additional illustration by Valerie Thai.

      Photo of M.A.C. Farrant’s teeth by Dr. Ragnar Eeg, DDS, with thanks.

      Beginning a story, “Where Have All the Prophesies Gone?” I wrote: “When I was a child in the ’50s and early ’60s, everyone expected that we’d soon be eating pills instead of

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