LITMIR.BIZ

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willing to come

       with me, to take on life again.

       There comes a time when we

       each get to Take A Stand for

       something we either get to say or

       do that will have a positive effect

       on you, those around you and

       possibly the world. It could be a

       very difficult thing to do because

       the answer may or may not be

       how you want it to look. Trust

       your intuition and follow your

       heart and you can get through it.

      She sighed heavily, then looked me right in the eyes and said, “Josh, either you go to treatment now, or I’m packing my bags and leaving you.” I had been searching for a lifeline for a long time. I had wanted it all to stop, but didn’t know how. Lisa’s strength to call an end to all of this created the change we both wanted. That night, I left for rehab.

      Fighting My Way Back

      I was no stranger to the rehabilitation process. In my unusual youth, I was forced into youth behavioral and drug treatment programs twice. Even on my own, I had attempted a few times to quit partying, rarely with any long-lasting success. But before long, the cycle of nightclub work became too strong a force to confront sober. Once, as a preteen, and again at 13, I had even spent time in rehab, but I can see now I hadn’t fully committed to the process; my family’s business, my insecurity, and the resulting depression seemed to be good enough excuses to get off the wagon.

      But there was something I had in late 2001 that I hadn’t had those times before: I had a marriage I very much wanted to save. As much as I thought I loved drinking, I loved Lisa more. Our future was at stake, and I knew that if I were to lose Lisa, I would go over the edge and likely never come back.

      So it was with a new sense of strength, purpose, commitment, and a vision for the future that Lisa drove me to the Southern California rehabilitation center where I checked myself in at the end of November 2001.

      Today, as I tell this story, I am amazed by the events that prompted me to escape the death I was surely facing. Many of my friends from that time in my life did not fare so well, and are now either dead, incarcerated, or still entangled in the web of addiction. I was fortunate to have found an incredibly supportive, loving wife, checked into the best possible rehab for my situation, and encountered the right teachers. The deck was stacked against me, and yet I got another chance, one I didn’t believe I deserved.

      I am now a successful, prosperous business owner, mentor, husband, father, friend, and contributor to life. But even after all this time, I know that checking into rehab that day was the best investment I have ever made.

      That 28 days taught me how to turn my problems – problems I had believed were insurmountable – into solutions that put me on a path of healing, forgiveness, and happiness. I began to get at the root of my addiction, tracing issues like my own feelings of inadequacy and fear of failure back to my childhood. I took an inventory of my life and my fears, grappling with each one of them in order to divest it of its power. In a difficult month’s time, I emerged a changed man, whole-heartedly committed to starting my life anew, clean and sober, and to continuing to shed the baggage that had landed me here in the first place. And I knew the process had only just begun.

      Over the course of that month, I also developed a number of friendships. In a community so close-knit and reliant upon each other, so connected by troubles as we were, you couldn’t help but form friendships. One of mine was with the owner of the treatment center, Chris Spencer (whom I just called Spencer), a recovering alcoholic himself who had turned his life around and dedicated himself to serving other addicts.

      Early on in my stay, as he and I got to talking, I shared with him a little about my story – about my “family business,” and what it was like running nightclubs in Vegas. Spencer said we had something in common; he, too, had worked for a number of years in the service industry. He had, in fact, owned a chain of restaurants. We compared experiences, discussing the fact that the service industry is a breeding ground for people like us.

      “Back when I was drinking, all I wanted to do was open up restaurants,” Spencer said, rubbing his chin and chuckling as he recalled those days. Then he looked right at me. “Now that I’m sober, all I want to do is open up treatment centers.” Then he stood up, patted me on the back, and said, “Maybe you’ll want to do the same thing.” I chuckled too, and shook my head, dismissing the notion.

      Lisa and I did a lot of healing work together through the program, and she had driven down for a weekend to attend sessions with me and my counselor. And we had been able to talk a lot on the phone about what I was going through.

      When she arrived to pick me up on my last day, I felt a mixture of relief and joy over seeing her, sadness about leaving what had been a safe haven for the last month, and growing dread over returning to Las Vegas, the site of my destruction.

      Before setting out on the five-hour drive home, we stopped at the Dana Point home of my stepbrother (and namesake of my workplace), Dylan, where a holiday party was in progress. While it was nice to be surrounded by family, it didn’t take long for an uncomfortable silence to settle over the party after our arrival. It seemed no one quite knew what to say. I was eager to share my rehab experience with the group, and reveal all the things I’d learned, but when I’d broach the subject, my family members seemed either to visibly squirm with discomfort or act altogether dismissive, as if to say, “Sure, Josh, that sounds great. But we’ll see.” Of course, they’d seen me go down this road a few times, so it was understandable that they would be cautious. After all, we had all made a living from selling alcohol and partying. It was awkward to challenge the very thing that was putting roofs over our heads and food on our tables.

       SIDEBAR:

       I was proud of Josh for taking this

       on and he is correct that we did a

       lot of healing work. I was surprised

       how easy it was for me to forgive

       and let go. I was so ready to

       move forward and have this heavy

       burden of addiction, this heavy

       weight of anger, sadness, and pain

       go away that when we processed

       with his therapist, I was able to let

       it go quickly. I hadn’t felt that good

       in years and I knew that letting go

       and not holding resentments on

       the past would enable us to have

       a brighter future. If just he healed

       and I did nothing, our relationship

       would still be unhealthy. Learning

       from, forgiving and healing the past

       is an important part of personal

       development and being able to

       move forward successfully in your

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