LITMIR.BIZ

      My mind is etched with memories, both good and bad. They’re with me day in and day out. Some are so warming that I cannot help but let them bring a smile to my face—and some are more like daggers or a searing fire inside me. Sometimes they weigh so heavily on me that I cannot breathe and I have to find a place to store them.

      What I’ve attempted to do in the following pages is to piece together episodes from my past. While I’ve been honest about the appeal my choices held for me at the time, I’ve tried not to engage in hollow boasting about past episodes, which would be dishonoring and distasteful. I could have glorified the partying lifestyle I led, as countless movies, novels, and songs have done, but I would be committing an injustice to the truth if I neglected to mention the criminal lifestyle that the nonstop party path led me to. I ended up in military school against my will, was the subject of three felony investigations, was in and out of jail five times and on probation twice, and was brought in for questioning, often in handcuffs, more times than I can remember.

      And then there was the pain my addiction caused me and those around me. At various times I was homeless, held at gunpoint, robbed, had my apartment ransacked (more than once), and was in rehab (twice). Two of my family members and three of my friends died from heroin overdoses, and two of my friends were shot to death. But these aspects of my story, while worth mentioning here and elaborating on later in greater detail, are not what I want readers to take away from this book. The essence of what I hope you carry with you after reading my story is the knowledge that there is help and hope for addiction. This is not an instructional book on how to get better; I’m certainly not a therapist or a doctor. But if you are a reader who is struggling with addiction or you are a family member or friend of one, I cannot in good faith tell my story without first telling you that you or your loved one can get better. I was once broken, hopeless, and lost. I’ve had two near-fatal overdoses, and suffered from disease and paralysis; it’s a miracle I’m still alive. Please know that even if rock bottom has been hit, there is still a path of escape, a path of recovery.

      I also want to show the judicial system that addiction is a scientifically proven behavioral disease that cannot be punished out of a person. A more progressive approach is needed in order to monitor addicts who refuse treatment and

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