LITMIR.BIZ

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avoid involvement in such circumstances, simply because there has never evolved a victorious way of dealing with it. With the dean I suspect it was the latter case. He was afraid to get involved because it is so difficult to deal with all the intangibles of it.

      “As for me, I made up my mind then, that I would never be in the first two of these categories. As for the last one, I decided, come victory or defeat, I would never be found avoiding a battle with such people as the hawk, whenever a battle was necessary to fair play.

      “And that folks was the experience that gave me the know-how to fly and glide and battle my way through to an undergraduate university honors degree. There would be other hawks in subsequent years, all somewhat different in approach but in actuality motivated in their misbehavior by the same type of faulty character. They were always in the minority, but for various unavoidable reasons they nearly always managed to dominate life’s experiences. However, I battled my way through them, and came out on top.”

      Gilda paused, then added lightly with a smile, “A butterfly has survival problems too!”

      Owen smiled back at her, and asked, “What was your final grade in that course, Gilda?”

      “Oh,” she replied gleefully, “I got an A,” and then added mischievously, “I made sure the hawk knew it too. I purposely encountered him in the corridor and showed it to him on paper.”

      “What did he say?” asked Owen curiously.

      “He pushed up his lip, half contemptuously, half approvingly so as one couldn’t tell for sure which way he meant it, and remarked, ‘I guess you were lucky,’ and then went on his way. I figure he will keep on going his way - of discrimination against those of whom he is envious, with nobody ever really challenging him.”

      Collin spoke next. “Gilda, by flying, gliding and battling your way successfully through university here, no doubt you have ruffled many feathers. Where do you intend to go from here?”

      “‘Where’ is the right word,” replied Gilda. “It is true I have ruffled many feathers. In fact I am known in some circles here as a terror, throwing my old man’s weight around, etc. etc., although, I never once called on my father for help. In fact, neither of my parents know of quarter of my battles. So, Collin, from here I will go far away, to another university to do post graduate work. At present I am taking some extra courses here, necessary prerequisites to take care of a minor change in the course of my future studies. But to stay here to either study or to make a career would be a mistake. I was successful in gaining a degree all right, but in the process of fighting my battle and defending my rights two things have happened which must be left behind. First, as I said, I am known as a terror, simply for standing up for myself. Secondly, this prolonged battle has been detrimental to me in that in some very real ways I have become a battle axe of a sort. I hope to go away to new surroundings to do post graduate work, which is a wise move academically anyway, but, also to make a career in a new environment where I can again become the pleasant person I was and really still am.”

      “You will have to be careful where you choose to go if you want to accomplish these things,” remarked Collin.

      “Yes,” said Gilda, “I have thought about it a great deal. I have reason to believe that in post-graduate work the flying will be smoother for various reasons, although I will never drop my guard again. Usually, not always though, the professors in post graduate work are the higher caliber ones. That will help. In addition, when it comes to choosing a place for further studies, I will have a varied selection to choose from, so I am very encouraged about the prospects.”

      “Gilda,” spoke Dr. Eldren, “you have contributed quite substantially to the session this evening. No doubt you have had this matter on your mind all week, keeping you up tight. All the members, I am sure, will find your experiences to be of real value. It isn’t easy I know to recall and relive those things. It is a tiring and burdensome task. Thank you very much. I would suggest we hear from Donna Coyne next week. As you know, in our later sessions we will want to refer to your experiences again, as we will those of the others. For now though we will let you relax and unwind.”

      “Thank you, Dr. Eldren, I agree, I need to relax,” said Gilda with a heavy smile.

      “I would like to mention,” said Collin, “that one of the predominant things I see in your story is the way your whole life has been altered by people who are down on you simply because you are a nice person and they can’t tolerate it. That illustrates the whole purpose of this support group - to bring such unjust realities out into the open. Even more striking, of course, is that you are succeeding regardless.”

      The group as a whole sat momentarily in admiration of Gilda Emerson, complimenting her on her successes before it dispersed for the evening.

       Chapter Four

      Collin Seldon, as his custom was on occasion, was lost in thought. Yes, he mused to himself as he again approached Quilibet University for a support group session, Gilda Emerson did make it through. That feat is not merely the result of good work from a hard working person. It is not just an accomplishment of another person who had used her above average talents to the utmost. Rather, it was an extraordinary achievement against the odds. Of course, most people wouldn’t see it to be any more than another success story - the kind of story one would automatically expect from a person of Gilda’s caliber.

      But Collin was aware, from his own experience, of the deep and prolonged anguish, the times of excruciating stress, the sheer mental agony that Gilda had been through to attain her goal. To retain the stamina and keen powers of concentration it takes to earn an honors degree, while at the same time bearing that burden, was a remarkable achievement indeed. He mused further, with such a background of academic attainment, and experience, she may someday well take her rightful place at the top of the ladder somewhere, not here, but somewhere else. Most people would not think of that as being out of the ordinary either for a fine person like Gilda Emerson. They are not aware of the difficulties of the upward road, and of how many like her drop by the wayside, or settle for lesser summits. I wonder, he thought to himself, how many in this group, have settled for less, because of these sometimes overwhelming circumstances!

      Collin expected he would find Donna Coyne’s story equally as interesting as Gilda Emerson’s. No doubt about it there was contrast in the setting of the lives of these two women. Collin, in his varied life, had gone the way of the business world also, for a time, so he handy about knew how the essence of Donna’s story would go. He was glad for her though, for at a young age her awareness had grown and come to full flower; not at the exceptionally young age that awareness had come to Gilda, but still relatively early in her life - in time to avert a catastrophe.

      That is what Collin pondered in his mind as he sat in the foyer on floor one of the university arts building. He had arrived early this evening for another support group session. Having been out on a lengthy pastoral call, he had gotten himself a snack somewhere between his pastoral visit and the university. Now he had time to spare. So amid the tranquil setting of the appropriate benches and indoor trees, and the early evening quiet of the area he sat and meditated on the latest happenings of the support group.

      Awareness, semi-awareness! Collin well knew from experience what was meant by the terms, but it is very difficult to put into words a definition of them. As Gilda Emerson would say though, “it can be done you know” - and so it can.

      To Collin, awareness in its various stages is a characteristic that a person just grows into as life progresses. As we go through life’s experiences they make imprints on us which greatly affect our behavior, particularly with regard to our reaction to those events which may affect us heavily.

      When we are very young persons, as with Gilda in Grade Five, before she had the unusually early and awakening behavioral learning experiences of Grades Six and Seven, these experiences may affect us with our having little or almost no consciousness that they are doing so.

      With an older person, such as a university student, or a person in the work force awareness or consciousness

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