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      HarperElement

      An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd.

      1 London Bridge Street

      London SE1 9GF

       www.harpercollins.co.uk

      First published by HarperCollinsPublishers 2014

      Copyright © Cathy Glass 2014

      Cover layout design © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2014

      Cover photograph © www.abitofsas.com/Getty Images (posed by model)

      Cathy Glass asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

      A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

      All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books

      HarperCollinsPublishers has made every reasonable effort ensure that any picture content and written content in this ebook has been included or removed in accordance with the contractual and technological constraints in operation at the time of publication

      Source ISBN 9780007569373

      Ebook Edition © MARCH 2014 ISBN: 9780007569380

      Version: 2017-01-17

      Contents

       Cover

       Title Page

       Copyright

       In the Beginning

       Chapter One: Close to Tears

       Chapter Two: Mr Sleep Bear

       Chapter Three: The Photographs

       Chapter Four: Inappropriate

       Chapter Five: Marianne

       Chapter Six: My Concerns Grow

       Chapter Seven: Guilty

       Chapter Eight: Wise Owl

       Chapter Nine: Sexualizing the Innocent

       Chapter Ten: Calm Before the Storm

       Chapter Eleven: Ignorance

       Chapter Twelve: Very Upset

       Chapter Thirteen: Two-Parent Family

       Chapter Fourteen: The Meeting

       Chapter Fifteen: Loyal to Abuser

       Chapter Sixteen: Are You Happy Here?

       Chapter Seventeen: Special Present

       Chapter Eighteen: Sudden Turn of Events

       Chapter Nineteen: Dr Jones

       Chapter Twenty: He’s Mine!

       Chapter Twenty-One: The Telephone Call

       Chapter Twenty-Two: Icing on the Cake

       Chapter Twenty-Three: She Must Hate Me

       Chapter Twenty-Four: A New Friend

       Chapter Twenty-Five: The Decision

       Chapter Twenty-Six: The Visit

       Chapter Twenty-Seven: The Postcard

       Chapter Twenty-Eight: Couple in the Playground

       Epilogue

       Acknowledgements

       Exclusive sample chapter

       Cathy Glass

       Moving Memoirs eNewsletter

       About the Publisher

      To write this book – Beth’s story – I need to go back in time, to when Adrian was six and Paula was just two. I had only been fostering for a few years, and back then foster carers were given little in the way of training or support, or background information on the child. They were ‘thrown in at the deep end’ and left to get on with it, either swimming or sinking under the strain of it all. Looking back now, I shudder to think of some of the unsafe situations my family and I were placed in, and I also wonder – with the benefit of hindsight from years of fostering and training –

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