LITMIR.BIZ

      Chapter Nine

       Sexualizing the Innocent

      As Beth was looking forward to seeing her father on Friday, I was willing the day to come. I hoped that then her conversation – at present dominated by seeing her father – would be replaced by more general talk. Of course I was pleased that Beth was able to see her father, but her continuous chatter about her wonderful daddy wasn’t helping Adrian and Paula. They were disappointed enough already that they wouldn’t be seeing their father at the weekend. This seemed to be rubbing it in.

      ‘I don’t know what to wear when I see my daddy tomorrow,’ Beth declared over dinner on Thursday evening.

      ‘It might be a good idea to choose something this evening,’ I suggested. ‘Jessie will be collecting you at four o’clock tomorrow, so you won’t have much time then.’

      ‘Good idea,’ Beth said. ‘I’ll choose my dress after dinner. Then I can tell my daddy what I’m going to wear when I talk to him tonight. I am phoning him tonight, aren’t I?’

      ‘Yes, love. You are,’ I said.

      ‘So I’ll tell him what I’m going to wear then.’

      ‘Will he want to know?’ Adrian asked, glancing up. ‘I don’t think my dad is especially interested in what we wear.’

      Good point, I thought. Meeting Adrian’s gaze, I threw him a reassuring smile. Of course John liked the children to look smart, just as I did, especially if we were going out, but he wasn’t interested in the detail. I doubted many men were.

      ‘My daddy always wants to know what I’m wearing,’ Beth persisted. ‘Sometimes he chooses what I wear and sometimes we choose it together.’

      Adrian returned to his dinner, which was far more interesting than Beth’s talk of clothes, as she continued: ‘Perhaps I’ll wear my yellow dress. Or I could wear the blue one again. I’ve got a blue necklace and bracelet that go with the blue dress. I think I remembered to pack them.’ And so it went on.

      I smiled politely.

      As soon as Beth had finished eating, she asked if she could leave the table to go to her room and choose her dress for the following day. I readily agreed. She slipped from her chair and skipped out of the room and upstairs.

      ‘Can I go to my room and choose a dress?’ Adrian said with a smile.

      ‘You don’t wear dresses, silly,’ Paula said, not appreciating that he was joking.

      ‘We have to be patient,’ I said. ‘Beth’s very excited about seeing her father, which is only natural.’

      ‘Can I have a blue dress like Beth’s?’ Paula asked.

      ‘And me!’ Adrian added. ‘And a necklace and bracelet to match, please.’

      I cleared away the dinner things and then went upstairs to see how Beth was getting on. Paula came with me. Beth’s bedroom door was wide open and we went in. Her wardrobe was open and every drawer too, with most of the contents strewn across the bed, chair and floor. It looked like an upmarket bring-and-buy sale. Beth was standing in the middle of the room, surrounded by all the clothes and looking very fraught.

      ‘I really can’t decide what to wear!’ she declared, close to tears.

      I thought this had gone far enough. ‘I think I’ll decide which dress you wear,’ I said. ‘Then it won’t cause you a problem.’

      I thought she might object but instead she looked at me relieved. ‘Yes, please, you choose,’ she said.

      ‘You’ve got lots of clothes,’ Paula said as I began picking through them.

      ‘Yes, and they’ve all got to be put away,’ I pointed out.

      I quickly singled out a dress; it was one of the few that were suitable for winter. Made from a warm pink-and-grey check material, it had long sleeves. ‘This is perfect,’ I said enthusiastically, holding it up.

      Beth stood for a moment, hands on hips, considering the dress and then finally smiled. ‘Yes,’ she said.

      I hoped Paula didn’t pick up any grand ideas about what she should wear. I put the dress to one side and then began gathering together the other clothes. Beth helped, so too did Paula by collecting up the packets of children’s lacy tights that were scattered across the floor. We finished just before seven o’clock and then the three of us went into my bedroom, where Beth propped herself on the bed ready to telephone her father. Once Derek was on the line I passed the telephone to Beth and, following our new routine, took Paula into the bathroom for her bath. I could hear Beth talking as I bathed Paula; she was telling her father of the problems she’d had trying to choose a dress, until I’d come to the rescue. She then described the dress I’d chosen and the matching necklace and bracelet she was thinking of wearing with it. I was only half listening as I was finding Beth’s chatter about clothes tedious. Girls of her age should be thinking about more interesting things. Eventually I called out: ‘Tell your daddy what you did at school today. And about your class assembly. I’m sure he’ll be interested.’ I thought that even Derek must be tiring of all the dress talk by now.

      Beth did as I suggested, although I was too far away to hear Derek’s reply. Then Beth asked him what he’d had for his dinner and if he had eaten it all.

      Once Paula was ready for bed I took her into her room where she chose some books for me to read. I’d read one story when Beth joined us.

      ‘Have you finished talking to your daddy?’ Paula asked, making room for Beth beside her on the bed.

      ‘Yes, and I’m seeing him tomorrow. I’m so happy.’

      ‘This book is called Grandma’s Shopping,’ I said, opening the next picture book.

      ‘I haven’t got a grandma,’ Beth said.

      ‘I have,’ Paula said. ‘And a grandpa. They’re very nice and they love us lots.’

      I smiled. ‘You’ll meet them soon,’ I said to Beth. And I began the story.

      The following morning Beth was unusually quiet and hardly said a word at breakfast. I’d been expecting her to be very talkative about seeing her father that afternoon, so I was immediately concerned that something was troubling her. I also noticed she wasn’t eating as well as she usually did.

      ‘Are you all right, love?’ I asked as she toyed with her cereal.

      She set her spoon in her bowl and looked at me seriously. ‘No. I’m very worried,’ she said, frowning.

      Adrian, Paula and I all looked at her, concerned.

      ‘What are you worried about, love?’ I asked, setting down my mug of coffee so that I could give her my full attention. ‘Can you tell me? I might be able to help.’

      Beth looked at me, clearly deep in thought, and frowned again. I wondered what on earth it could be that was troubling her. She usually voiced her concerns reasonably easily.

      ‘I’ve been thinking,’

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