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       9 ‘So That’s What You’ve Been Up To’

      Boycott once famously said: ‘Given the choice between Raquel Welch and a hundred at Lord’s, I’d take the hundred every time.’ He also told Professor Anthony Clare during his interview for In the Psychiatrist’s Chair. ‘My mother used to warn me: “Stay away from the girls, Geoffrey, they get you in the woods, they get you into trouble.” Always follow your mum’s advice.’ This was little more than a rhetorical smokescreen to disguise his fondness for women but, outside the cricket world, such comments have led to occasional speculation that Geoffrey Boycott might be gay. After all, to pseudo Freudians his lifestyle had many of the features of the homosexual stereotype: resolutely unmarried; an intense relationship with his mother; a streak of vanity about his appearance; a penchant for creating drama around him; fastidiousness about his diet, clothes and personal hygiene; a degree of sensitivity combined with emotional insecurity; a preference for Cinzano over beer; and a love of performing for the crowd.

      In the wake of revelations about Boycott’s personal life arising from the French court case, such an idea has proved absurdly wide of the mark. In fact, an alternative image has been created, that of Boycott as the voracious womanizer who accumulates his sexual conquests just as eagerly as he used to pile up the runs. His friend Ted Lester, the scorer for Yorkshire throughout Boycott’s career, told me: ‘He has had a good run as far as women go. I’ve seen him with a lot of crumpet you’d be delighted to go with. There have been a lot of women in his life, but I will say this, he’s always got rid of them by eleven o’clock so he could get his eight hours’ sleep.’

      Many others have testified that, throughout his playing days, he was not the Puritan that the public once thought. David Gower, fellow commentator and Test cricketer, says: ‘On tour he was never gregarious with the team but every now and then you might catch him in the hotel corridor furtively ushering some brunette into his room and you think, Ah, so that’s what you’ve been up to.’ Peter Willey, an England tourist of the Gower era, backs this up: ‘I knew all about his women. That’s why he often stayed on a separate floor in the team hotel, so he could get people in and out when he wanted to. Everywhere he went he was with different women. He could be very charming with them but he was always secretive about that side of his life, never brazen.’

      Sometimes his liking for female company would impinge on other players. One of the England tourists on the 1970/71 tour to Australia told me of this comical incident. ‘In Melbourne, I was sharing a room with another player, and Boycs, who was sharing with John Hampshire, overheard that we would be away for the weekend on separate trips. But my visit fell through at the last minute, so I returned to the Windsor hotel in the mid-afternoon. I went up to the porter to ask for my key but was told it had gone so I had to go up to the room to check what was happening. When I got there the door was locked but I could hear whispering inside. I knocked a few times and there was no answer, though the whispering became louder. Eventually I said to whoever was in there, “Listen, if you won’t let me in, I’ve got two choices. Either I kick the door down or I call the manager to get a spare key.” At this moment the sheepish figure of Boycs opened the door, wearing only a towel, while I could see a woman scurrying around in the background.

      ‘“I thought thee were away for t’ weekend,” he said.

      ‘“What’s that got to do with you? Why couldn’t you stay in your own room?”

      ‘“Cos Hamps is there. Listen, thee won’t say owt about this, will thee?”’

      At first glance, it might seem strange that Boycott should be so successful with women. When it comes to looks, he is hardly Brad Pitt. Pale, balding, of average height (5 foot 10) and bespectacled for much of his career, he could never have competed with the glamour boys of British sport, like George Best or James Hunt. As fellow players have testified, his single-mindedness about cricket could make his conversation somewhat limited. Nor could he have ever been described as the most romantic of souls. In an interview with the London Evening Standard in June 1999, when asked what Anne Wyatt and Rachael Swinglehurst (the mother of his daughter Emma and, since 2003, his wife) had given him in their long relationships, he replied, ‘I don’t know.’ Then asked if he knew what they loved about him, he continued, ‘It’s no use guessing what other people bloody think. I just give them what I am. There are no hidden agendas. I’m open and frank. If they misunderstand my intentions, they can’t be listening.’ And finally, in response to the question as to whether he had ever been in love, he said, ‘I don’t know.’

      One accusation sometimes made against Boycott is that he can behave like a male chauvinist. Simon Hughes, the Channel Four analyst who has worked for many years with Boycott, told me: ‘In the commentary box if there are women around he’ll definitely make a comment about their appearance, like “Nice tits.” To use the word lech is perhaps unfair, but he certainly has an eye for the ladies, of any age.’ One television producer who, given the vituperative nature of his comments, understandably wished to remain anonymous, says: ‘His attitude towards the production staff can be terrible and his treatment of some of the women is appalling, with offensive and sexist comments about their physique. You often hear him with a woman, talking about her appearance to her face. There is a serious cringe factor with him.’

      It is interesting to note that it is often men, particularly in the politically aware media, who appear shocked by Boycott’s attitudes. And while many of today’s women might also be outraged by his robust expressions of his masculinity, others take far less offence or are even flattered. Rachael Swinglehurst, whom he first met in 1974, said in an interview with the Daily Mail in December 1998: ‘In a relationship he wants to be the man and he likes his women to be feminine. He’s a boobs and bottom chap and he makes you feel terrific. He’s got a lovely body, which has made me look after mine.’

      While some of Boycott’s utterances might be deeply inappropriate for the modern workplace, there can also be something patronizing about certain men jumping to condemn Boycott on behalf of supposedly aggrieved women. A classic example of this was an incident that took place on the 1992 England tour to New Zealand, where Boycott worked as both a commentator and batting coach. During one match, when he was giving a voice test to the TVNZ production staff, he told attractive TV sound operator Mary Graham, ‘I’d rather spend a week than a day with you,’ and also how much he liked her legs. Meant as a compliment, the remarks were noted by a male colleague

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