LITMIR.BIZ

      Window Seat, Reading Room

      Dear Mum and Dad,

      Oh, I get it now. Blackfur was a Pie Rat spelt PIRATE! I asked Stubbs and he said, “ARK!” meaning look it up in the enzarklopedia. So we did. Sad to say, I only read a short part because just then, Smells came by being Jack and the Cabbagestalk. So he chopped up the page I was reading with his chopper, then he ate it saying:

      “Bee By Bo Bum, I like paper, yum yum yum.”

      Not funny.

      Normus said, “Hoy, be fair Smells – no bashing pages. Save bashing for big giants.” Smells did not like Normus telling him off, so he chopped up his trout net saying, “Be quiet, I hate you, Normus. I only like Yeller now!”

      I said (wise voice), “There, I told you he was only a short friend, Normus.” That is Y Normus has gone off for a sulk. I can hear him outside hitting trees - bonk, e e - a r r r , crash.

      Lucky Yeller still wants to be my chum.

      Yours tuttingly,

      Little Cheesedoff

      Table, The Kitchen

      Dear Mum and Dad,

      Soon I will have no friends left. It is all your fault because of making me look after your crool baby. Also, how can I find Blackfur’s treasure when I have to keep doing cub-sitting for my baby bruv?

      Did I say about Smells wanting to be Mister Tricker, yes? Also about him having a big crush on Yeller for showing him loads of good tricks, yes? Trouble is, Smells only likes trying them out on me eg.:

      The Fridge Trick

      Smells comes running into the kitchen saying, “Hello, Little, is your fridge running? Good, now it is running out the window.” Then he chucks it out saying, “Har har tricked you!”

      Another eg.

      This morning, Smells swallowed a big load of my Lego bits. Then he pressed his tummy button and sicked them all up saying, “Look, me a toaster, pop, pop!”

      That was a funny wun, so I fell over laughing. But guess what? He said, “Shut up, Sillyfur, I hate you, I only like Yeller now.” So harsh.

      Yours jealously,

      Little

      PS I am 2 upsett to xplain now, so more tomorrow.

      Inside My Wardrobe having a dark curlupp,

       My Room

      Dear Mum and Dad,

      Here are Yeller’s last words that he said to me doorslammingly, (in a note, he rolled them up then skwashed them up my keyhole).

       Listen Lickle, I Am All Fed Up. I Tried Bein Nice To Smells, Him Bein Only A Titch, But Now He As Gorn 2 Far. He Kept On Pesterin Me To Teach Him More And More Tricks. So In The End, I Thought, I Know, I Will Try To Double-Trick Him. So I Said, “Smells, You Are Such A Good Tricker, So You Must Never, Never, Never Play Mister Tidyupp, Ok?” That Made Him Go All Crafty-Lookin. Then Off He Went Rushin And Did A Tidyupp Of His Room. So I Said “Well Done Me” To Myself. But Then He Went And Pulled A Bunch Of Feathers Out Of Stubbs’ Tail For A Duster. They Were The Wuns Stubbs Was Savin Spesh For Loopin The Loop, So He Gave Me A Harsh Peck! All Your Fault For Havin Smells As A Baby Bruv. I Am Not Stayin Here I Single Short Mo Longer, So Tuff, Bang, Doorslam!

      And now Stubbs just hid up the chimney saying, “ARK!” meaning he will never darken my doorknob again.

      Yours leftalonely,

      L ect. (2 upsett to write all of my name down proply, so there)

      The Big Hall with all suits of armour ect.

      Dear Mum and Dad,

      I am all sad without Yeller and Normus here, but good news about Stubbs. He did not like me going snifful parp ect. in my hanky, so out of the chimney hole he popped with a nice present (beakful of crawlycreeps for a snack).

      Then off he went flappingly down the shop and fetched me a copy of Wolf Weekly, so he and me could have a nice newsy read together.

      Guess what we read in the paper? There is ANOTHER Terror of the

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