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Unqualified. Anna Faris
Читать онлайн.Название Unqualified
Год выпуска 0
isbn 9780008239220
Автор произведения Anna Faris
Жанр Биографии и Мемуары
Издательство HarperCollins
By Chris Pratt
When I was asked to write the forward for Unqualified, Anna’s memoir, I immediately said yes without even thinking about it. And boy did a lot happen between then and now.
So much.
Like … soooo much.
So. Allow me to start by asking some questions:
First and foremost: What is a forward? Like, you know? What is it? Is a forward an anecdote? Like that time Anna and I went to the Beverly Hills library and I told her it was the first time I’d ever been in a library and then she looked at me like I must be joking? And I pretended I was joking? And boy did we laugh. But I wasn’t joking? Is that a forward?
I don’t really read books all that much. I mean, I know how to read, as in sounding out words and phrases, sentences, and the like. I can spell, too! I’ll stop now. I feel like I’m bragging. But let’s just say books aren’t really my specialty. Per se.
I do read a lot of screenplays.
May I paint you a forward in screenplay format?
Fade in.
Int. Bedroom. Night. Chris Pratt (early twenties, roguishly handsome) stares blankly at his phone. He blinks a couple of times.
| Chris: | Siri. How do you write a forward? |
| Siri: | Searching: How to go right and forward. |
| Chris: | NO, STUPID! Siri. What is the definition of forward? |
| Siri: | Searching: What is the definition of forewarn? |
| Chris: | NO! Siri! Give me FORWARD definition. |
| Siri: | Searching: Give me forearm definition. |
| Chris: | Umm … Yeah. Show me that. |
Distracted, Chris begins watching forearm workout videos for several hours.
Fade out.
Credits roll.
Thunderous applause. Oscar nom Best Short Film. #blessed
Okay … Back to it.
Crickets.
Stares at phone.
Literally googles the word forward.
Wow … Okay. So … it’s actually spelled FOREWORD. With an O and an E. Who knew? Siri did. Of course. We’ve been through a lot, she and I.
Anyhow, lesson learned. Now, let’s move FOREWORD and discuss someone else with whom I’ve been through a lot.
My Foreword
By Chris Pratt
Anna is an important part of my life and she always will be. She asked me to write this foreword. And I’m doing so because I love and respect her and told her I would.
She and I have a striking number of similarities.
We were both raised in Washington State, just twenty minutes from each other. (Coincidentally, we didn’t meet until working together in LA.) I played football on her high school field, a fact I’ve pointed out every single time we’ve driven past that school in ten years, to which, every time, she reacts with a gracious amount of faux wonder, kind sweetheart. We’re both actors who made it in Hollywood, being cast as intelligently played idiots: me, Andy Dwyer; her, Cindy Campbell. We both have scars on our left hands, the results of drunken accidents that left us with nerve damage. We each had dead-bug collections before meeting. And even though they’re not the same, Linda Goodman, author of Love Signs, claims our astrological signs are the most compatible with each other.
But there are a few differences as well. For one: Anna is a voracious information collector. She reads, hears, watches, and retains an inordinate amount of stories—from podcasts and NPR pieces to New Yorker articles. She’ll often pore over the newspaper while simultaneously watching a TV show and blow drying her hair. She reads the big five: The New York Times, LA Times, The Seattle Times, The New Yorker, and The Economist. Whereas I read “The Big 5” sporting goods ads, looking for good deals on guns and Rollerblades.
Anna is kind, possibly to a fault. I’m proud to say we each approach most human interactions with politeness, and patience when required. We’re both well-known actors, and it’s worth mentioning—fame can be a pain in the butt. But