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       Copyright

      The Borough Press

      An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd

      1 London Bridge Street

      London SE1 9GF

       www.harpercollins.co.uk

      First published in Great Britain by HarperCollinsPublishers 2018

      Copyright © Louisa Young 2018

      Cover photographs © Margie Hurwich/Arcangel Images, © Shutterstock.com

      Cover design by Claire Ward © HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2018

      Louisa Young asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

      A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library

      This book is a work of non-fiction based on the author’s experiences. In order to protect privacy, names, identifying characteristics and details have been changed.

      All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

      Source ISBN: 9780008265175

      Ebook Edition © June 2018 ISBN: 9780008265199

      Version: 2018-07-18

       Dedication

      For everyone who has found themselves here

       Epigraph

      Inversion of Intervals:

      Major becomes Minor.

      Perfect stays Perfect.

      Augmented becomes Diminished.

      from Robert Lockhart’s

      music theory notebook

      1969

      Contents

       Cover

       Title Page

      Copyright

      Dedication

      Epigraph

      Introduction: The Book You Hold in Your Hand

      Part One 1959–2002

       Part Two 2003–05

       Chapter Ten

       Chapter Eleven

       Chapter Twelve

       Chapter Thirteen

       Chapter Fourteen

       Chapter Fifteen

       Part Three 2005–07

       Chapter Sixteen

       Chapter Seventeen

       Chapter Eighteen

       Chapter Nineteen

       Part Four 2007–09

       Chapter Twenty

       Chapter Twenty-One

       Chapter Twenty-Two

       Chapter Twenty-Three

       Chapter Twenty-Four

       Chapter Twenty-Five

       Chapter Twenty-Six

       Part Five 2010–12

       Chapter Twenty-Seven

       Chapter Twenty-Eight

       Chapter Twenty-Nine

       Chapter Thirty

       Chapter Thirty-One

       Chapter Thirty-Two

       Chapter Thirty-Three

       Chapter Thirty-Four

       Chapter Thirty-Five

       Part Six 2012—

       Chapter Thirty-Six

       Chapter Thirty-Seven

       Chapter Thirty-Eight

       Chapter Thirty-Nine

       Chapter Forty

       Chapter Forty-One

       Chapter Forty-Two

       Chapter Forty-Three

       Chapter Forty-Four

       Chapter Forty-Five

       Appendices

       Footnotes

       Acknowledgements

       About the Author

       Also by Louisa Young

       About the Publisher

       Introduction

       2017

      The book you hold in your hand is a memoir by me, Louisa Young, a novelist, about Robert Lockhart, a pianist, composer and alcoholic, with whom I was half in love most of my adult life and totally in love the rest of it. It’s as much about me as about him, and is of necessity a difficult book to write. So why am I writing it? Why expose, so openly, chambers which are only usually displayed via the mirrors and windows with which novelists protect their privacy?

      Because his life is a story worth telling.

      Because our love story,

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