LITMIR.BIZ

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to her friends, that she was fine.

      Fine!

      ‘It’s often suggested,’ Jess said, when Izzy had told her that her house was on the market, ‘that people wait twelve months after a bereavement before making any major life changes.’

      ‘I’m twenty-eight weeks pregnant!’ Izzy gave a tight smile. ‘I’d suggest that change is coming whether I’m ready or not. Look…’ She relented a touch because Jess was nothing other than nice. ‘I don’t want to bring the baby home to that house—there are just too many memories. I really want a new home by the time the baby comes.’

      ‘I can understand that,’ Jess said. ‘Have you people to help you with moving?’

      ‘Plenty,’ Izzy said, ‘Now I just need someone to make a half-decent offer on the house.’

      ‘How will you feel—’ Jess had a lovely soft Scottish accent, but her direct words hit a very raw spot‘—when a domestic abuse case comes into the department?’

      Izzy paused for a moment to show she was giving the question due thought then gave her carefully prepared answer, because she’d known this would be asked. ‘The same as I’ll feel if a pregnant woman comes into the department or a widow—I’ll have empathy for them, but I’m certainly not going to be relating everything to myself.’

      ‘How can you not? Izzy, you’ve been through the most awful experience,’ Jess said and even her lilting voice couldn’t soften the brutal facts. ‘You tried to end a violent, abusive relationship to protect the child you are carrying, and your husband beat you and in his temper drove off and was killed. It’s natural to feel—’

      ‘You have no idea how I feel,’ Izzy interrupted, doing her best to keep her voice even, a trip down memory lane was the last thing she needed today. ‘I don’t want the “poor Izzy” line and I don’t want your absolution and for you to tell me that none of this was my fault.’

      ‘I’m not trying to.’

      ‘I’ve dealt with it,’ Izzy said firmly. ‘Yes, it was awful, yes, it’s going to be hard facing everyone, but I’m ready for it. I’m ready to resume my life.’

      Only Jess didn’t seem so sure, Izzy could tell. She had made such an effort for this day—she was immaculately dressed in a grey shift dress with black leggings and black ballet pumps, her blonde short hair, teased into shape, and large silver earrings adding a sparkle to her complexion. She had been hoping to look every inch a modern professional woman, who just happened to be pregnant. She would not let Jess, let anyone, see behind the wall she had built around herself—it was the only way she knew to survive.

      Jess gave her some coping strategies, practised deep breathing with her, told her to reach out a bit more to friends and Izzy ran a hand through her gamine-cut blonde hair that had once been long and lush but which she’d cut in a fit of anger. Just when Izzy thought the session was over, Jess spoke again.

      ‘Izzy, nothing can dictate what comes into Emergency, that’s the nature of the job.’ Jess paused for a moment before continuing. ‘No matter what is going on in your life, no matter how difficult your world is right now, you have to be absolutely ready to face whatever comes through the doors. If you feel that you’d rather—’

      ‘Are you going to recommend that I be sent to Outpatients?’ Izzy challenged, her grey eyes glittering with tears that so desperately needed to be shed but had, for so long, been held back. ‘Or perhaps I can do a couple of months doing staff immunisations—’

      ‘Izzy—’ Jess broke in but Izzy would not be silenced.

      ‘I’m a good doctor. I would never compromise my patients’ safety. If I didn’t feel ready to face A and E, I wouldn’t have come back.’ She gave an incredulous laugh. ‘Everyone seems to be waiting for me to fall apart.’ She picked up her bag and headed for the door. ‘Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you all, but I refuse to.’

      Izzy was a good doctor, of that Jess had no doubt.

      As she wrote her notes, she was confident, more than confident, that Izzy would do the right thing by her patients, that she was more than capable to be working in Emergency. But at what cost to herself? Jess thought, resting back in her chair and closing her eyes for a moment.

      Jess wanted to send a memo to the universe to insist only gentle, easy patients graced Izzy’s path for a little while.

      Only life wasn’t like.

      Jess clicked on her pen and finished writing up her notes, worried for her client and wishing more progress had been made.

      Izzy Bailey, while still fighting the most enormous private battle, was stepping straight back into the front line.

      Chapter Two

      ‘OBSTETRIC Team to Emergency.’

      Izzy heard the chimes as she tossed her coffee and sandwich wrapper in the bin and did a little dance at the sliding door that refused to acknowledge her, no matter how many times she swiped her card. An impatient nurse behind her took over, swiping her own card, and Izzy tailgated her in.

      They’d start her in Section B.

      Of that she was sure.

      Writing up tetanus shots and suturing, examining ankles and wrists…Despite her assured words to Jess earlier, Izzy was actually hoping for a gentle start back and was quietly confident that Ben would have arranged for one.

      ‘Obstetric team to Emergency.’

      The chimes sounded again, but Izzy wasn’t fazed. It was a fairly familiar call—frenzied fathers-to-be often lost their way and ended up bringing their wives to Emergency rather than Maternity.

      Izzy glanced at her watch.

      In ten minutes she’d be starting her first shift…

      Walking through another set of sliding doors, which this time opened without the use of her card, Izzy found herself in the inner sanctum of the emergency unit.

      She’d timed it well, Izzy thought to herself.

      By the time she’d put her bag in her locker, it would be almost time to start, which meant that she could bypass the staffroom, the small talk…

      ‘Izzy!’ Beth, an RN she’d worked with over the years, was racing past. ‘Cubicle four…Everyone’s tied up…She just presented…’

      Except Jess had been right.

      There would be no gentle easing in, Izzy fast realised as Les, the porter, relieved her of her bag. Beth brought her up to speed as best she could in short rapid sentences as they sped across the unit.

      ‘About twenty-three weeks pregnant, though she’s vague on dates,’ the rapid handover went on. ‘She won’t make it to Maternity, I’ve put out a call…’

      ‘Who’s seen her?’ Izzy asked as she squirted some alcohol rub on her hands.

      ‘You,’ came Beth’s response

      Oh, yes!

      She’d forgotten just how unforgiving Emergency could be at times. Just then she saw Ben, wrapping a plastic apron around himself, and Izzy was quite sure he’d take over and usher her off to Section B.

      ‘Have you got this?’ Ben said instead, calling over his shoulder as he sped off to Resus.

      ‘Sure!’

      ‘Her name’s Nicola,’ Beth said as Izzy took one, very quick, deep breath and stepped in.

      ‘Hi, there Nicola. I’m Izzy Bailey, the emergency registrar.’ Izzy wasn’t sure who looked more petrified, the student nurse who’d been left with the patient while Beth had dashed for a delivery pack or the mother-to-be who brought Izzy up to date with her rapid progress even before Izzy had

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