LITMIR.BIZ

      CHAPTER TWO

      ‘HI, LILA, how was your night?’

      ‘Pretty busy.’ Lila kissed her aunt, Shirley, on the cheek. ‘How has Mum been?’

      ‘The same. We’ll have a cuppa and then we’ll give her a bath.’ Shirley filled the kettle, as she did every morning when Lila arrived home, but there was something wooden about her movements, an awkwardness that didn’t go undetected. ‘Lila, I need to talk to you about something.’

      Lila felt her heart plummet. She had known this day was coming, and in the last few weeks had sensed it was even more imminent. Sitting at the kitchen table, she tried for a futile moment to imagine she’d somehow misread the signs. But as Shirley joined her, unable to meet her eyes, Lila knew the news she had been dreading was about to be delivered.

      ‘Your uncle Ted has been offered early retirement,’ Shirley said finally.

      Ted was a security officer and worked the same shifts as Lila. It worked well, or at least it had until now…While Ted worked Shirley looked after Elizabeth, and when Ted was off Lila took over, allowing Ted and Shirley to live their lives.

      ‘He wants to take it, Lila. I didn’t want to worry you with our problems but Ted has been having a few health issues of his own. Nothing to worry about,’ she quickly reassured her as she saw the look of concern flash over Lila’s face. ‘Just a couple of men’s issues. He’d be so embarrassed if he knew I was discussing it with you. The thing is, Ted deserves his retirement. He’s worked so hard. We want to be able to go away, have holidays. We always dreamed of taking the combo van and travelling around Australia…’ Shirley dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. ‘I feel so torn. Elizabeth’s my sister. I’d do anything to help her. But Ted’s my husband, and he’s been a good one. How many men would take in their sister-in-law and niece? I’m sorry,’ she said quickly, ‘I didn’t mean it to come out like that.’

      ‘I know,’ Lila said softly, taking her aunt’s hand from across the table to show that no offence had been taken. ‘You and Ted have been marvellous.’

      They had been. Almost as soon as Elizabeth had been diagnosed, Shirley, realising the impossibility of the situation, had suggested that both Lila and Elizabeth move in with her and Ted to share the burden. Shirley was an eccentric, to say the least, and with no children of their own, opening their house the way they had, it had been a huge upheaval. Yet they had borne it all cheerfully, never once grumbling about how their lives had been turned around by Elizabeth’s illness.

      But now it was time for change.

      ‘I know you don’t want her to go into a home. But, Lila, your mum…’ She struggled for the words to describe the shell that remained of what had once been an elegant, eloquent woman. ‘Your mum wouldn’t know any different.’

      ‘But I’d know. Mum would hate the—’

      ‘She’d hate the fact you’ve given up your life to look after her,’ Shirley interrupted. ‘She’d hate the fact you work so hard and then come home at the end of a long night just to start all over again. Hate the fact you hardly ever go out.’

      Lila searched for an answer. The last thing she wanted to do was make this horrible situation worse for Shirley, to make her feel guilty for saying the words most people would have said years ago. But a home…

      ‘Now, Ted’s retirement isn’t going to happen for a couple of months yet. We don’t have to make any decision today, Lila, but we are going to have to soon.’ She smiled through her tears at her niece. ‘I’m not definitely saying your mum has to go into a home; I’m saying I can’t be here as much to help. My back is starting to hurt—lifting her, turning her. I just don’t see an end to it. You understand where I’m coming from, don’t you, Lila?’

      Lila made her way around the table to hug her aunt as she spoke. ‘Of course I do.’ She swallowed back her own tears. ‘And I promise I’ll come up with something.’

      ‘I know you will, pet. What worries me is what you’ll come up with. You’re thirty-one years old now, Lila—you can’t let your life slip by like this. It’s not good for any of us, least of all your mother. Look, I’ve probably said too much for one day already. Why don’t you head off to bed, darling, try and get some sleep?’

      Lila nodded, but as she reached the door she turned. ‘Shirley, there’s some forms I need to drop off at the hospital before five. Would you be able to watch Mum for me?’

      ‘Of course, darling.’

      Alone in her room, Lila pulled the application forms out of her bag. It had never really entered her head to apply, but Hester’s words had made the chance of promotion a real possibility. Now, with Shirley’s bombshell…Closing her eyes, Lila tried to search for answers. How could she possibly afford a carer to stay with Elizabeth while she went out to work? It would be more cost effective to go on the dole and nurse her mum full time herself.

      But…She felt a tinge of panic hit. How could she give up her job? OK, she wasn’t the best nurse in the world, and she moaned like everyone else about the shortages and workload, but she truly loved her job—loved the people, loved the escape work gave her from her everyday problems. How could she even begin to think about giving it up?

      Clicking her pen open, she started to work her way through the endless forms. If she was going to have to employ someone to help her look after her mother, a decent wage was more important now than ever.

      If there was any consolation to be had from the day’s events, it was that Lila didn’t have time to dwell on Declan’s return. Any other time it would have completely overwhelmed her, but not today. Today was a day for filling out forms, working out figures, planning a future—not dwelling on the past, imagining days long since gone, a time when Declan had been beside her.

      A time when life had been easy.

      * * *

      Hester took the forms without a word, which made Lila’s journey to the hospital somewhat of an anticlimax. Only when she returned home and fed Elizabeth her supper, then settled her into bed for the night, did Lila’s stomach suddenly tighten at the thought of seeing Declan again tonight.

      Maybe she did tie up her hair more neatly and apply her make-up just a little bit more carefully, but it was more a matter of personal pride than vanity. She certainly wasn’t going to allow Declan to think even for a minute that she had let herself go.

      That was a joke. Eyeing her reflection in the mirror, Lila paused a moment. Her naturally thick blonde hair was as glossy as ever, her figure still trim. But the sparkle in her blue eyes was long since gone, and a quick slick of mascara and a neutral lipstick replaced the immaculate glossy make-up of yesteryear.

      ‘Well, what did you expect?’ Lila scolded herself. ‘You’re not a flight attendant now.’ It had been easy to look stunning then, with cheap access to the world’s best cosmetics, advice from the airline’s stylists, her nails and hair done weekly. And,

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