LITMIR.BIZ

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but not much.

      ‘I think we have gotten off on the wrong foot.’

      He stood up and started to back away. ‘I told you I was sorry for the shoe thing.’

      ‘No, no, relax,’ I said, palms forward. ‘I mean, I don’t think we should be fighting. I’m sorry I pulled a sword on you but I have had a really rough couple of days. Can we start over?’ I stood up and extended my hand. ‘My name is Conor.’

      He looked me square in the eyes for a time and then slowly an amazing smile took over his whole face. It was so infectious that I couldn’t help turning up the corners of my own mouth in reply. He cocked his wrist and his sword disappeared instantly up his sleeve. He stepped right up and shook my hand enthusiastically (which hurt) and said, ‘They call me Fergal. Pleased to meet you, Conor.’

      ‘The pleasure is all mine, Fergal.’

      ‘So tell, Conor,’ Fergal said like we were old mates, ‘what the hell were you doing lying in a ditch?’

      ‘That’s a long story. You wouldn’t have a couple of aspirin and a glass of water, before I start, would you?’

      ‘Don’t know what that first thing is but there is a lovely wee stream just over there if you’re thirsty. Follow me.’

      We put our shoes on, I picked up my sword and we climbed up out of the ravine. My legs howled in pain, as if I had just run a marathon with a sumo wrestler on my back. When we reached the top I saw that we were in the middle of rolling farmland. Fields of waving grain, periodically interrupted by the odd tree, stretched as far as the eye could see.

      ‘Where are we?’ I asked.

      ‘The fields of Muhn. The Castle Muhn vineyards start not far – just over that rise.’

      My vision was clearing. I looked in the direction of Fergal’s finger and saw rolling hills in the distance. Fergal’s definition of not far was quite different from my own.

      ‘Oh, I get it,’ Fergal said, way too loud for my liking, ‘you were at a shindig at Castle Muhn last night – weren’t you?’

      I almost said, I wish, but then it occurred to me that everyone who knew who I was had tried to kill me. ‘Maybe,’ I said, thinking that lying might be a sensible idea.

      ‘Well, that explains it.’ Fergal laughed. ‘You wouldn’t be the first guy to be found hung over in a ditch after a party at Castle Muhn.’ He slapped me on the back. It felt like I was hit with a sledgehammer.

      The water made me wonder if I had been drinking sawdust all of my life. It was cool and crystal clear. It hit the back of my throat and made me feel like I would never be thirsty again. That’s one of the best things about The Land, it forces you to appreciate the simple things in life: fresh water, fragrant air, magnificent views, and not being dead. All of my problems and pressing engagements in the Real World were fading in my mind, except for that nagging image of Sally, still waiting outside the movie theatre.

      ‘I thought the big party was at moon bright,’ Fergal said. ‘Oh no! I haven’t missed it, have I? I could have sworn it was tomorrow night.’

      ‘No. You’re alright. It was an unofficial thing last night,’ I lied, ‘tomorrow’s the big night.’

      ‘Phew. I would have been well upset if I’d missed it,’ he said, slapping me on the back again. I had to figure out how to break him out of that habit. ‘So what are you doing then, Conor me friend? Are you on your way home or are you coming back for a bit of the hair of the dog?’

      What to do? I knew that I should keep a low profile, especially when the motto around here seemed to be – to know Conor is to kill Conor. But what could I do on my own? I had to find my mother and father again. But where were they and how could I find them without telling people who I was? And a party! Why not? After all I’d probably get murdered by an in-law before the week was out – so why not party? This Fergal seemed like a nice guy and he was family (which may or may not be a good thing). If I hung around with him maybe I could come up with a plan before someone figured out who I was.

      ‘What the hell,’ I said. ‘One more night of partying can’t kill me.’

      ‘Well, maybe you should go easier tomorrow, you look awful rough.’

      ‘Thanks for the advice,’ I said, and together we set off for a party at Castle Muhn.

      ‘That was a clever bit of magic you pulled back there,’ Fergal said.

      ‘Yes, I liked it at the time.’

      ‘It’s a snap spell, isn’t it?’

      ‘A snap spell?’

      ‘Hey, sorry,’ Fergal said, raising his hands. ‘I shouldn’t be prying into another man’s magic.’

      ‘No, it’s OK,’ I said, ‘I just never heard of a snap spell.’

      ‘A snap spell is one that happens by itself. You don’t have to cast it or pay for it or anything – it just happens. Kings put them on their jewels and such to stop them from getting nicked. I never saw a proper one before – till now.’

      ‘I guess it is a snap spell then.’

      ‘Where’d you get it?’

      What should I say to that? The problem with lying is that it gets you into trouble. I learned that painful lesson last year. I was dating a girl named Dottie when I met Sally. I told Dottie I was going out to dinner with my father when I was really taking Sally to the movies. The next day I saw Dottie and she said, ‘What did you have for dinner, popcorn?’ Man, was I busted.

      The other problem with lying is you have to remember what you said, and since it seemed like I was going to be doing a lot of lying in the near future, I decided to tell the truth as much as I could.

      Fergal noticed my hesitancy. ‘Hey, mate, you don’t have to tell me nothing. I talk too much and ask too many questions. Just tell me to shut up, that’s what all my friends do.’

      ‘No, it’s alright. My protection spell was a gift from my mother.’

      ‘Phew. Nice gift. Must have cost her weight in gold.’

      ‘Don’t know. Never asked.’

      ‘Well, I’m glad she gave it to you. I never stabbed anybody before, it would have been a shame for you to be the first. There’s something about you, I don’t know what it is but it seems like we are old friends already, or should be. You know what I mean?’ Then he slapped me on the back – again.

      ‘I do,’ I said, and meant it. We were definitely related. Fergal didn’t know what this feeling was, but I did, my mother’s spell confirmed it – we were kin. I slapped Fergal on the back, hard, so he would know what it felt like. It hurt my hand.

      ‘That sword of yours appeared like it was magic,’ I said.

      ‘What, this little thing?’ he clicked his wrist and the long knife popped into his hand with frightening speed. ‘My Banshee blade.’

      ‘You’re a Banshee?’ I blurted.

      ‘No,’ he said sarcastically. ‘What gave it away? Was it the bit of white hair? Or was it the bit of white hair?’

      ‘I think it must have been the bit of white hair.’ I smiled and replied as casually as I could. Banshees have a tuft of white hair. I stored that piece of information away.

      ‘So how do you get it to pop out so fast?’

      ‘Ah well, that’s the magic part. Here, let me show you.’ He stopped and took off his shirt. His right arm was strapped with leather in three places. Entwined in the straps was a gold wire that seemed to be on some sort of pulley system. The wire was attached to the blade, so as to propel it in and out of his sleeve.

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