LITMIR.BIZ

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need to sort out an Equity card for you, that’s all, then nothing will stand in our way.’

      ‘Yes, it will!’

      ‘Oh?’

      He put down the jewelled robin ornament he’d been toying with and put his head on one side, as if to say, ‘You aren’t going to spoil my fun, are you?’

      ‘I’m not an actor. And – don’t say what I know you’re going to say because that’s not the crux of it. I’m not an actor and I don’t want to appear on film all over the world doing things that, to me, are private.’

      Jasper put down the robin and reached for my hands, which were freely given.

      ‘Look,’ he said. ‘The thing is, it’s a stipulation of the studio that you and I appear in this film. After that story about us shagging in that Mayfair square the other week, it’s golden pre-publicity. It’s the reason they finally decided to back it.’

      ‘Oh, God. How about it being a good film by a good director?’

      ‘Not good enough, I’m afraid.’ Jasper shook his head. ‘My reputation’s high with the critics but I’m not box-office enough for that. I have to make concessions. One of them is that you play Walters.’

      My breath was too short for speech for a while.

      Eventually I looked him full in the face.

      ‘I am not,’ I said, slowly and firmly, ‘doing or showing anything on film that I wouldn’t do at the museum. No nudity. No sex acts.’

      ‘It’s called acting, Sarah. Obviously nobody is going to actually fuck.’

      ‘No, but the other stuff. You know what I mean. I’m not showing my bare bum to the world.’

      ‘I think you already did,’ said Jasper, and he was referring to the newspaper scandal.

      ‘That was extremely blurred and hardly recognisable as a bum,’ I replied. ‘Plus, it wasn’t meant to be public.’

      ‘OK,’ said Jasper. ‘I talked about this with Jim already.’

      ‘You did? Why didn’t you say?’

      ‘I like watching your agitation sometimes. It’s all right. Relax. Christ.’ He put his arms up to deflect a sudden hail of small wooden angels. ‘Sorry, OK?’

      ‘You’d better be. So what have you and Jim cooked up?’

      ‘He’s fine with the idea of body doubles for us. So in the kinky scenes, your head and face will be there but the body will belong to another woman. And the same for me, as the man.’

      ‘Body doubles? So … we won’t actually be doing the naughty stuff on camera?’

      ‘Oh, we will. But when we get into the editing suite we’ll swap our body parts for somebody else’s. We have to do the scenes, Sarah,’ he added quickly, ‘or the facial expressions and noises won’t be right.’

      ‘You dub the sound over it anyway,’ I protested.

      ‘Some of it. Come on. The world will see no more than your face and a bare arm and foot or so. That has to be good enough, right?’

      I put down a length of tinsel and sat on the stairs, my chin in my hands.

      ‘I don’t know. This is too weird for me. It’s a long way out of my comfort zone.’

      ‘I know. That’s why you’re considering it.’ He winked at me.

      I flapped my hands at him.

      ‘Come on, Sarah. You hate your comfort zone. You’re never there. You’re like the absentee landlord of the place.’

      ‘That’s not true,’ I countered. ‘Just because I do all sorts of things I’d never have countenanced with anyone else – with you. It’s because of you. You’re my comfort zone, because I trust you.’

      ‘There.’ His eyes lit; I’d signed myself up. ‘You said it. And you’ll be with me. I’ll direct you. You can take direction, can’t you?’

      ‘You know I can. It’s just … this isn’t private any more. I’m not sure …’

      ‘Listen, darling, you don’t have to give me a yes or no answer right this minute. Nothing will get done until after Christmas and New Year now anyway. We’ve got that long to mull it over.’

      ‘I like a bit of mulling,’ I said. ‘But I usually prefer it when wine’s involved.’

      ‘That’s a good thought,’ he said, sitting down beside me and taking my hand. He spread out my clenched fingers, one by one, in his palm. I sighed into the gesture, always seduced anew by his touch. ‘We’ll make some mulled wine tonight. And I’ve promised Jim I’ll source the potential body doubles, so I’ll sort that out this afternoon. Once this tree is decorated.’

      ‘Where do body doubles come from? Is there an agency?’

      ‘Well, no, I rather thought I’d call a friend.’

      ‘What friend?’

      ‘A friend on the club scene. BDSM club scene, that is. They’ll be able to point me in the right direction.’

      ‘I see. Will they be actors? I mean, the one doubling for me might be called upon …’

      ‘No, she won’t,’ said Jasper firmly. ‘It’s a condition of the financing that you play opposite me. Otherwise this film will never find a studio.’

      ‘They just want to market it on the back of that tawdry newspaper story,’ I said in disgust.

      ‘Yes. Yes, they do. And that’s the way of the world, I’m afraid, my love, and if it gets me my backing then I have to go along with it.’

      ‘This project really means so much to you?’

      ‘Let’s say it’s been on my mind for years and years but I never thought anyone would go near it …’ He picked up the tinsel. ‘Can you use tinsel in bondage, I wonder?’

      ‘Uncomfortable,’ I surmised. ‘Horribly prickly.’

      ‘That sounds quite good.’

      He wound the end of it around my wrist and tethered it to the banister.

      ‘There. You sit there and mull and I’ll finish the tree. If you need to use the bathroom, you’ll have to ask permission.’

      I could easily untie myself, using my other hand, but I was happy enough to sit there and do as I was told. I was tired and my head swam with the enormity of this news.

      The entire course of my life could change, the moment I made my decision. If I took this role, it was unlikely that I’d be able to continue with my job at the museum – not that that job was the be-all and end-all, but it was a step on the path I’d laid down for myself at sixteen, when I made my A-Level choices. And I loved history and heritage; had dreamed for years of working in a similar role.

      Could I really throw it all up to play a kinky Victorian maid with a spanking stunt double?

      It was the same question all over again, the one that kept rearing its head nowadays.

      How much was I prepared to give up for Jasper?

      I watched him as he pondered over which ornament to place where, making an art of it, as he did with everything. Such fastidiousness, such attention to detail. It was what made him such an amazing lover, such an amazing dom. Nothing was left to chance. Everything was deliberate and planned.

      To be honest, I hadn’t yet had to give up anything much for him. Only a crap flat, in order to move in to his exquisite home. Not much of a sacrifice, on the face of it. But then, there were little things that perhaps I’d let go of too easily. I’d failed to cultivate friendships

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