LITMIR.BIZ

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twin. I wallowed in superficial relationships so no one could get close to me, no one could judge me and find me lacking. I sought out girls who were easy, who had zero expectations beyond what I offered—a good time and a few mindless minutes of release. I have never had a girlfriend, and I’ve never let anyone all the way in because I was scared that I wouldn’t be enough once they got down to the core of who I am. I knew it was messed up, knew I was an emotional train wreck, and the thing with Shaw was just bound to make it even worse.

      “Whatever. A good time never killed anyone. Call me later.”

      I tossed the phone on the bed and went into the bathroom to take care of business. When I went into the living room Nash was sprawled out on the couch watching an early game on the flat-screen. He had a mug of coffee in one hand and a doughnut in the other.

      “Morning.”

      He flicked his gaze up to me. “What’s up?”

      “Nothing. Did you see Shaw this morning?”

      He nodded and held up the doughnut. “She left these. So what’s the deal with that? She was in the kitchen this morning, so I assumed she stayed the night with you. I thought you were going to put her in a cab.”

      “Where did her roommate end up?” I tried to change the subject as I got my own coffee.

      “I offered to bring her back here to wait for Shaw, but she was having a good time so we had a few more drinks, then I called her a cab. She seemed to think it was a brilliant idea that her very intoxicated friend was going home with you. Why is that?”

      I grunted and sank down on the couch next to him.

      “I dunno. Shaw and I have all kinds of twisted history, who knows?”

      “But she spent the night with you?”

      “Yeah.”

      “And I’m assuming—because I’ve known you since forever—that you didn’t spend the night discussing politics and watching TV?”

      I glowered over at him. “No.”

      He shook his head and made a tsk-tsk sound. “What were you thinking?”

      “I wasn’t, clearly.”

      “Dude, she’s not one of those girls. You can’t just have me escort her out in the morning and never talk to her again.”

      “Hey, I woke up alone this morning. I didn’t make her go anywhere.”

      “But you would’ve and Shaw is way too classy and smart to do a walk of shame. Man, I can’t believe you hooked up with your brother’s girl. You really do have a problem. That’s a whole mess I wouldn’t even jump into no matter how hot the girl was.”

      I made a strangled noise and reached forward to put my elbows on my knees. “Let’s just say I don’t think there is any real reason to worry about tarnishing Remy’s memory. I don’t know what was going on between those two for all those years, but after last night there is undeniable proof that they weren’t sleeping together.”

      Nash swore and his eyes got wide. “She was a virgin?”

      I nodded. I probably shouldn’t be sharing all this with Nash, but I was confused and he was my best friend. I was in over my head.

      “She was a virgin and gave it up to you? Holy shit, bro, that’s like a huge deal!”

      I sighed. “That’s what I thought, but then she was gone when I woke up. She was pretty trashed last night, so maybe it was just beer goggles and too many martinis that made the choice for her.”

      “She seemed fine this morning. I mean, she looked hungover and pretty worked over, but she wasn’t nervous or weird or anything. She called Ayden for a ride and ran out for breakfast while she waited. I dunno, man, she didn’t seem all swoony in love or stalker pissed-off, she just seemed like normal Shaw. Granted, I always thought she kinda had a thing for you.”

      I turned to him with a look of bewilderment. “What?”

      “She puts up with your shit no matter how bad it is. Don’t you remember that one New Year’s she showed up to get you and you brought home the redhead and her friend? That was a freak show and Shaw didn’t even blink, she just tossed you your pants and told you to get it together. She lets you be all moody, surly, and grumpy and doesn’t even bat an eye—and trust me, dude, that shit gets old superfast. She’s willing to go to battle with the only parents she’s known to show her any love because she wants them to treat you right and quit blaming you for Remy’s death. She isn’t doing any of that for Margot or Dale, and she sure ain’t doing it for Remy. The only person any of that benefits is you. Even as stubborn and self-involved as you are, you have to be able to see that.”

      “But she’s Shaw. Perfect Shaw. Even when she was little she was untouchable and aloof. She would be over at the house all the time with Remy and every time I said anything or did anything she would just look at me like I was an idiot.”

      He snorted. “You were an idiot. You don’t remember being sixteen? We were a nightmare and never very nice to her. You made fun of her hair, teased Remy mercilessly about spending all his time with her, you were an ass.”

      “I was?”

      “Dude, you still totally are. And Shaw is Shaw. She’s so freaking beautiful it hurts to look at her sometimes, but she doesn’t even know it. She’s still untouchable because she’s always going to be richer and smarter than we are, but she doesn’t care about any of that. She’s cool, she doesn’t care that you’re just you, and honestly, Rule, any chick who can put up with the headache that is you, well I’d put a goddamn diamond on her finger.”

      I punched him in the shoulder. “I’m not that bad.”

      He gave me a look. “Yeah, you are. Think about it; it only took seeing her dressed as a sexy referee to get you to notice she was an actual girl after all this time. You suck.”

      “But, man oh man, did she look good in that outfit.”

      “See, total suckage. So what are you going to do now, call her?”

      “I don’t know. Rome is coming to town, and since I like my privates located where they are I need to keep this on the down low. I don’t think she’ll say anything to him.”

      “Probably not. She knows it would drive your crazy mom right over the edge.”

      “Yeah.”

      “So.” He paused and gave me a pointed look. “Was it worth screwing everything up?”

      I let my head fall back on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. “It so totally was.”

      I had had the best sex of my life with a girl I had thought was way out of my league and in love with my dead brother. Yeah, Nash was probably right, if anybody could put up with all the crazy I was rocking I should probably lock her in quick because even I could see how seriously screwed up I am.

      CHAPTER 6

       Shaw

      “Stop looking at me like that.” I fiddled with my hair and adjusted the scarf I had around my neck. Rome was looking at me like he was trying to see inside my head and I didn’t like it one bit. I ignored his calls all day Sunday because I was still trying to get my head around the fact that I had drunkenly demanded Rule take my virginity and I had been sore—from both the booze and the bed acrobatics. I had a test Monday and had to work a closing shift, and on Tuesday I did a volunteer shift at the children’s hospital and suffered through an ungodly dinner with my father and his new wife. Rome had been forced to wait until today to take me on my belated birthday dinner. Ever since I’d sat down he had been peering at me intently and I had to keep checking to make sure that the scarf was covering the lovely hickey Rule had left Saturday night. I’d gotten enough flak

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