LITMIR.BIZ

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a look and I went back to my stapling. “No, my birthday isn’t a big deal so Rule won’t be around. I like to keep it low-key.”

      “You mean boring.”

      I wasn’t friends with Loren; in fact I wasn’t even particularly fond of her, so I was about to tell her to stick it where the sun didn’t shine—which was pretty out of character for me—but Ayden just kept on talking like Loren wasn’t even there.

      “Come on, Shaw, let’s do something fun. You know your parents are just going to stress you out, and you only turn twenty once. It needs to be fun and exciting.” She had a glimmer in her amber eyes and I knew she was cooking something up that I would be hard-pressed to talk her out of. I shoved the piles of paper into the drop bag and took the money Ayden handed me and did my tally. We always made good money, but for whatever reason today had been very profitable. I pulled my hair out of the ties and raked my nails across my scalp.

      “Let’s talk about it later, okay? I just want to find Lou to walk us out, in case Gabe decided to show back up, and head home.”

      She hooked her arm through mine and we made our way to the main entrance. “Do you think he would have the nerve to do that? I mean, Rule and his friends seemed pretty intent on getting the point across that he back off and Lou told him to scram or he was gonna kill him.”

      “I don’t know, Ayd. He’s acting crazy. I never would have thought he would show up here and try to be all grabby and in my face. I don’t know what’s going on anymore. I mean, it isn’t like we had some great romance and I left him heartbroken or anything. We were lukewarm on our best days. Rule thinks he’s embarrassed that I dumped him, plain and simple.”

      “He’s probably right.”

      I made a face as Lou escorted us to my car. We said good-bye and headed home. I was trying so hard to make decisions that were best for everyone: I wanted Rule to have the love and support of his family, I wanted Margot to get help and stop vilifying her son, I wanted Gabe to get over his deal and just move on, and mostly I wanted to stop feeling so responsible for it all.

      The next week went by in a blur. I had two tests, picked up an extra shift at work, and was doing a very complicated game of Dodge-the-Ex. Gabe also went to DU and even though he was prelaw and typically on the other end of campus, he seemed to be popping up around every corner and called me at least twice a day. I was considering getting a new number, but it seemed like such a hassle that I just sent his calls to voice mail and got really good at pretending I didn’t see him.

      Rome called and said Margot wasn’t doing any better. She was flat-out refusing to go see a grief counselor and was now blaming Rule for the fact that I refused to come to Brookside on the weekends. According to Rome she was insisting Rule had somehow brainwashed me and turned me against her. He wasn’t comfortable leaving her alone just yet even though Rule was harassing him to come to Denver and hang out. I could tell he was feeling the familiar tug I often felt of being caught between his brother and his mom. I was bummed he wasn’t going to be around on my birthday, but he had so much on his plate I didn’t say anything.

      When the weekend rolled around I was tempted to give my Sunday shift away just to avoid one more weekend of drama, but the bar was busy, and if Rule came in with his friends I didn’t see him. It was still weird not having to wrangle him for family brunch every Sunday, but when my shift was over and there hadn’t been any headaches or accusations or hurt feelings, I breathed my first sigh of relief in what felt like years. I was feeling so mellow I let Ayden talk me into skipping a study group and going to grab Mexican food instead. It was the first time in forever that I just felt like me and I almost didn’t know what to do with myself.

      Since it was the start of a new semester and I felt like I was drowning in homework, I gave away my Friday and Sunday shifts, and I wasn’t scheduled Saturday since it was my birthday and everyone at the bar knew that Lou just loved me and would murder anyone who tried to make me work on the day I turned twenty.

      By the time Friday afternoon rolled around, I still hadn’t heard from either of my folks so I figured I was off the hook for forced family time. I did receive a text from Margot asking me to reconsider this Sunday for my birthday. I had replied that I would gladly come if Rule was invited as well and hadn’t heard anything back. Ayden was being secretive about what she had planned and it was making me nervous. I would’ve been happy with sushi and the movies again but she kept insisting that we needed to branch out, have an adventure and do something new. Those words and her take-no-prisoners attitude seemed like a recipe for disaster, but I was trying to stay positive because she was only trying to be nice to me.

      I was walking out of my anatomy class and texting one of the girls from work to remind her that she was working my closing shift that night when I bumped into someone and immediately recoiled in fear and irritation. Gabe was standing in front of me looking as wrinkle-free and immaculately groomed as always. His dark hair looked like he had been running his hands through it nonstop and when he reached out to steady me I scrambled back so fast that I almost fell backward onto my ass.

      “What are you doing?” I wanted to sound indignant and hostile, but my voice cracked and I had to clear my throat to regain my composure. His blue eyes searched mine intently and I wondered how I had ever found him attractive—now he just weirded me out.

      “Uh … you aren’t returning any of my calls and you’ve been really hard to pin down lately.”

      “That’s because I don’t want to talk to you or see you. Get out of my way.”

      “Shaw, wait.” He held up a hand and dug something out of his pocket and held it out toward me. “I know your birthday is tomorrow and I just wanted to get you something to say I’m so sorry for how I’ve been acting. I was just crazy that you might have moved on to that freak, but your mom explained that it isn’t like that between the two of you. Here, take it.” He shoved the velvet box toward me and I backed away like he was holding a live snake in his hand.

      “I’m not taking that from you. I’m not taking anything from you. Leave me alone, Gabe, I’m serious.”

      “Look, Shaw, you can’t honestly believe there can ever really be anything between you and that guy. Your mom told me you’ve been carrying a torch for him for years and that he’s never even looked twice at you. You’re just not his type—you’re too good for him and he knows it. Just give me another chance; we make so much sense together.”

      I wanted to punch him, but I just let the ice that traveled through me at his words coat all the anger I felt starting to build.

      “No.” I didn’t say anything else, just “no,” because I didn’t need to explain myself or my feelings or the fact that I knew most of what he said about Rule was true. I wasn’t too good for him; I was just too ME for him to see me as anything other than he always had, and I made peace with that years ago. I took a few more stumbling steps backward and then turned on my heel and broke into a full-on jog to get away from him. I think he called my name, but I didn’t care; I just bolted. He was starting to really freak me out and the fact that my own mother was giving out the most intimate details of my life to him just made me want to vomit. I couldn’t believe that a woman who didn’t even bother to make note of when I was moving out of her house for college had noticed how I felt about Rule. If Gabe didn’t knock it off I was going to have to look into not only changing my phone number but also possibly get a restraining order against him.

      When I got home the apartment was empty, so like a dork I made sure all the doors were double locked and that the deadbolt on the front door was closed. I hid out in my room and did homework and wallowed in the self-pity that was threatening to drown me. I didn’t consider myself an overly outgoing or optimistic person; it came from years of being overlooked at home and socially awkward at school. For a while Remy had managed to pull my head out of the privileged shell I normally cowered in. I had thought for sure that when I left Brookside and went off to college I would come into my own, but instead Remy had died and I was still trying so hard to be all kinds of things to people who just didn’t seem to appreciate my efforts.

      I dressed nice and

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