Benjamin Franklin; Self-Revealed, Volume 2 (of 2) - Bruce Wiliam Cabell

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in that age. The prefacer of Dickinson's Speech had inserted in his introduction a lapidary memorial of William Penn made up of tessellated bits of eulogy, extracted from the various addresses of the Assembly itself. This gave Franklin a fine opportunity to retort in a similar mosaic of phrases and to contrast the meanness of the sons with what the Assembly had said of the father.

      That these Encomiums on the Father [he said] tho' sincere, have occurr'd so frequently, was owing, however, to two Causes; first, a vain Hope the Assemblies entertain'd, that the Father's Example, and the Honors done his Character, might influence the Conduct of the Sons; secondly, for that in attempting to compliment the Sons on their own Merits, there was always found an extreme Scarcity of Matter. Hence the Father, the honored and honorable Father, was so often repeated, that the Sons themselves grew sick of it; and have been heard to say to each other with Disgust, when told that A, B, and C. were come to wait upon them with Addresses on some public Occasion, "Then I suppose we shall hear more about our Father." So that, let me tell the Prefacer, who perhaps was unacquainted with this Anecdote, that if he hop'd to curry more Favor with the Family, by the Inscription he has fram'd for that great Man's Monument, he may find himself mistaken; for, – there is too much in it of our Father.

      If therefore, he would erect a Monument to the Sons, the Votes of Assembly, which are of such Credit with him, will furnish him with ample Materials for his Inscription.

      To save him Trouble, I will essay a Sketch for him, in the Lapidary Style, tho' mostly in the Expressions, and everywhere in the Sense and Spirit of the Assembly's Resolves and Messages.

      Be this a Memorial

      Of T – and R – P – ,

      P – of P, —

      Who, with Estates immense,

      Almost beyond Computation,

      When their own Province,

      And the whole British Empire

      Were engag'd in a bloody and most expensive War,

      Begun for the Defence of those Estates,

      Could yet meanly desire

      To have those very Estates

      Totally or Partially

      Exempted from Taxation,

      While their Fellow-Subjects all around them, Groan'd

      Under the Universal Burthen.

      To gain this Point,

      They refus'd the necessary Laws

      For the Defence of their People,

      And suffer'd their Colony to welter in its Blood,

      Rather than abate in the least

      Of these their dishonest Pretensions.

      The Privileges granted by their Father

      Wisely and benevolently

      To encourage the first Settlers of the Province,

      They,

      Foolishly and cruelly,

      Taking Advantage of public Distress,

      Have extorted from the Posterity of those Settlers;

      And are daily endeavouring to reduce them

      To the most abject Slavery:

      Tho' to the Virtue and Industry of those People

      In improving their Country,

      They owe all that they possess and enjoy.

      A striking Instance

      Of human Depravity and Ingratitude;

      And an irrefragable Proof,

      That Wisdom and Goodness

      Do not descend with an Inheritance;

      But that ineffable Meanness

      May be connected with unbounded Fortune.

      It may well be doubted whether any one had ever been subjected to such overwhelming lapidation as this since the time of the early Christian martyrs.

      There are many other deadly thrusts in the Preface, and nowhere else are the issues between the Proprietaries and the People so clearly presented, but the very completeness of the paper renders it too long for further quotation.

      Franklin, however, was by no means allowed to walk up and down the field, vainly challenging a champion to come out from the opposing host and contend with him. At his towering front the missiles of the Proprietary Party were mainly directed. Beneath one caricature of him were these lines:

      "Fight dog, fight bear! You're all my friends:

      By you I shall attain my ends,

      For I can never be content

      Till I have got the government.

      But if from this attempt I fall,

      Then let the Devil take you all!"

      Another writer strove in his lapidary zeal to fairly bury Franklin beneath a whole cairn of opprobrious accusations, consuming nine pages of printed matter in the effort to visit his political tergiversation, his greed for power, his immorality and other sins, with their proper deserts, and ending with this highly rhetorical apostrophe:

      "Reader, behold this striking Instance of

      Human Depravity and Ingratitude;

      An irrefragable Proof

      That neither the Capital services

      of Friends power, tyranny."

      Nor the attracting Favours of the Fair,

      Can fix the Sincerity of a Man,

      Devoid of Principles and

      Ineffably mean:

      Whose ambition is

      And whose intention is

      The illegitimacy of William Franklin, of course, was freely used during the conflict as a means of paining and discrediting Franklin. In a pamphlet entitled, What is sauce for a Goose is also Sauce for a Gander, the writer asserted that the mother of William was a woman named Barbara, who worked in Franklin's house as a servant for ten pounds a year, that she remained in this position until her death and that Franklin then stole her to the grave in silence without pall, tomb or monument. A more refined spirit, which could not altogether free itself from the undertow of its admiration for such an extraordinary man, penned these lively lines entitled, "Inscription on a Curious Stove in the Form of An Urn, Contrived in such a Manner As To Make The Flame Descend Instead of Rising from the Fire, Invented by Dr. Franklin."

      "Like a Newton sublimely he soared

      To a summit before unattained,

      New regions of science explored

      And the palm of philosophy gained.

      "With a spark which he caught from the skies

      He displayed an unparalleled wonder,

      And we saw with delight and surprise

      That his rod could secure us from thunder.

      "Oh! had he been wise to pursue

      The track for his talents designed,

      What a tribute of praise had been due

      To the teacher and friend of mankind.

      "But to covet political fame

      Was in him a degrading ambition,

      The spark that from Lucifer came

      And kindled the blaze of sedition.

      "Let candor then write on his urn,

      Here lies the renowned inventor

      Whose fame to the skies ought to burn

      But inverted descends to the centre."

      The election began at nine

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