LITMIR.BIZ

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started to walk around his apartment, trying to find the door through the bright light, but it was hard to determine where it was. Walking through the whole place he didn’t know whether he should be surprised or not: door seemed to be absent. “How did I enter this place then? – Maxim thought. – Interesting, how am I going to get out of here?” He was at the spot where he had started examination, right in the center of this mysterious place, attentively listening to every sound. Only after some time he realized that the noise was coming somewhere from above. Max closed his eyes and started to raise his head slowly, but nothing could be seen. He opened his eyes and bright light blinded him…

      Max could not open his eyes but he knew that he was on the couch. He sat down, hitting his leg, covered in gypsum. He saw the New Year tree again and understood that he was sleeping at home. Door bell was ringing and it became clear how the noise in his dream appeared. Maxim stood up from the couch and went to open the door, leaning on the crutch and trying to understand, why in his dream he didn’t have the gypsum.

      – Come in. What time it is, Roman?

      – I think it is 2 am. I have been ringing the bell for the past half hour, and left my place around 1 am.

      – My relatives went out and I fell asleep. Sorry I didn’t get the door right away.

      – That’s all right. I wish you a Happy New Year, Max. Get well soon, be happy, healthy and meet a great love.

      – Thank You Roman, you are a great friend. I congratulate you from my heart as well and wish your star to shine bright, especially at the important moment.

      – I wanted us to spend this New Year together. We had guests over, and my parents didn’t let me out earlier.

      – Come in, take your jacket off. Let’s go to the living room.

      Max limped to the couch and took a look at the festive table, realizing, that he should eat something. At that time Roman was brining plates, wine glasses, forks and a bottle screw.

      – Max, what do you have to drink? Have you got champagne?

      – I don’t like it much.

      – Let’s get wine then.

      – Get some from the bar, – Maxim said, filling up plates with salads, potatoes, chicken and pickles from the bottle.

      – What wine would you like to drink? – asked Roman, examining the bar.

      Then someone rang the door bell.

      – Roman, please get the door, it will take me forever to get there…

      Roman left the living room and Max thought about his teacher again and about his dream: "Probably this dream was meant to show me that I need to determine everything myself and take a decision. I need to think more instead of looking for the answer in dreams.".

      – Hey, why are you so sad?

      The guy who came in had a nickname Redhead Romka. When he came in his laughter entertained Max, so in the moment they were laughing together. Romka’s freckles made Maxim laugh even more, then the lovely color of his hair.

      – Great, – said Maxim after calming down. – I’ll be celebrating New Year in the company of two Romans. We got a wonderful male company.

      – I brought the wine “Monastery house”. Have you got the bottle screw?

      – Roman, I thought you brought it here?

      – I don’t remember where I put it down. Is it on the table? – Roman was surprised.

      – No, – Max replied. – Bring something from the tools. Let’s invent the bike.

      “Monastery house” was over. Redhead Romka left. The other Roman was drunk and left too, leaving Max alone. Wine woke up his appetite. After turning on the TV, Max had a long dinner, listening to various rubbish programs and re-laying his leg from one position to another. He finished a meal, turned off the television, turned on the New Year tree and lied down on the couch to regain strength. He didn’t want to sleep anymore or do anything else: holiday spirit was gone. It left so suddenly, that Max was not ready for it. "Nothing changed, – he thought, – I am still not ready for the situation! May be I am ready, but some strange uncertainty is obstructing me from feeling ready or being confident in success. I should not go with the tide; I need to take part in what is going on in my life. I need to make a contribution…"

      Max was glad that his friends did not forget about him at the difficult moment of life and came to congratulate him. It does not matter that they did not stay long, what really matters is the sign of attention, showing that he is needed. May be it means that when we need a person, we lack something that that person has. Max knew that this specific factor connects people, provokes feelings in them. Then, when two completely different people learn something from each other or reach inner harmony, the most important moment takes place. One of them needs to take a decision weather there is a reason for further communication. More often, the answer to that question is negative, so the other person has nothing left rather then to agree to that decision. Yes, it is hard to say good-bye, but it is necessary. Both people understand it deep inside the soul and even regret break-ups, but they keep on saying at the end: "This was meant to be".

      One question always tortured Max: when the person is acting unconsciously and goes with the tide, understanding the essence of his actions only after a period of time, is that his strength or his weakness? Only during the life span a person has a chance to perceive his actions fully, even when they repeat constantly and create a certain system. At that specific time a person can see the situation clearly, return to the past, put together all opportunities and take a decision. But at the same time there is a doubt… The system seems to control a person when he can’t even understand, weather he created it, or just lives under its control? Maxim did not know if it was strength or weakness. May be it was something else, different from those concepts?

      XIII

      Svetlana was still very weak but she decided to go outside: it was necessary to go to the store to get some food. She was getting ready for a long time, listening to her husband’s objections, but she was tired of staying at home. It was not difficult to get down the steps, but the head was spinning a little. “Probably it is from overworking, – she thought. Walking down the street, Svetlana felt totally different from the change of the environment: much more peaceful and free. She stopped near her porch, breathing slowly, getting used to the cold air and calming down the dizziness. It was strange to look at the surrounding and see the road, benches, trees, blue sky and clear white snow, which was still everywhere and crunched under feet. Svetlana was totally calm. Before, when she did not like someone’s actions, words, or even the weather, she felt frustrated and was loosing control. Nothing seemed to go right so she started to raise voice and yell. She suffered from that, not understanding what is wrong with her. These negative emotions, anxiety, and inner suffering combine together, growing stronger with every new incident. There is no energy for fighting them and no way to change the situation. Svetlana used to get intimidated and say: "This is it! I can’t live like that any more!" No one could hear her words and help her. She could not help herself either, or may be simply did not want to do it. She agreed to that and decided that things would never change at that moment, standing near a porch, Svetlana thought that her problems were insignificant, even though not long ago they meant a world to her. It was clear to her that all sufferings, disappointing her so much, were taking place because of her own insecurity. Instead of telling her husband about her wish to have another child and spending ten minutes for this conversation, she spent ten years for torturing herself! Every moment, remembering her wish, she suffered and blamed her husband. Emotions were raging so much, that it was hard to stay still and be in control.

      Only Maxim’s love created some relief. However, the more she was falling in love with him, the more she realized that they could not be together. He will leave her life forever very soon. This thought created a strange impact on her: all the feelings that she had started to grow stronger. At those moments it seemed that she was constantly under control of different emotions and her behaviour was changing every ten minutes. That was really strange and she did not know what to think

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