LITMIR.BIZ

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that time to my main symphony of life – a melody moving from unbearable pain to serene emptiness. After a few hours in the bathroom, I was exhausted and broken, moved to my bedroom and lay awake for half the night looking up at the night sky, not thinking about anything.

      Miranda would come back, and I’d start my own play again. I got up in the afternoon, put on my business suit, ate one milk sandwich, pretended to be late, and left for work. I did all this so Miranda wouldn’t ask me any questions. What my friend didn’t know was that I didn’t actually work at a prestigious company. That I had never even applied there in the first place. Neither my loved ones nor my father knew that either. They believed in my heresy. Several times one of them dropped me off at the head office of ARTNOVA Design Studio. But none of them bothered to check to see if it was in fact true. They smiled, telling others that I was working at a lovely job where I was designing websites for various companies. They believed the heresy I made up and were happy. In fact, I only had the occasional part-time job at a small greeting card design firm that did work online.

      Twice a month I visited the library and took a stroll to the pool, at least to relieve my boredom. Since not enough people went to the library at nine o’clock, it was the same with the pool. I told Miranda I was going to work, but in fact I was in one of these places. There was a peace and quiet that allowed me to be alone. In the library I mostly slept and only occasionally read one of the books I took with me. Hence the small number I read. When people came, I went to the park, ate one ice-cream or continued to sleep on the bench. On several occasions I was naturally approached by the police, so I had to keep my passport with me at all times. If I had been taken to the police station for a few hours, all my relatives would have heard about it. Then my heresy would have been exposed, which means I had to say that I do not work and never worked at the design studio «ARTNOVA». After one uncovered deception, would have been followed by another, and so everyone would finally realized that in fact I was leading everyone astray, almost years5. And maybe after that they would have put me in a hospital to help me cope with my own spiritual pain. But that’s exactly what I didn’t want. That’s why I hid behind masks. It was the only way I could survive in their happy world and stay alive. Maybe at some point I would become ordinary. Or maybe I would just end it once and for all. It was up to me to decide, and that meant I was the only one who had to fight.

      In my soul I am a lonely warrior and everyone calls me nothing.

      Chapter 7

      – Take it away! I don’t need it anymore.

      Miranda returned now in the evening6, and right from the threshold, she handed me the languid bag in which her friend always kept her equipment.

      – What do you mean?

      Miranda sat down on the couch, folded her arms across her chest, and looked at me sternly.

      – Straight up. I know I’ve said it often enough, but now was really the last time I took a picture for someone.

      – Again!?

      My friend jumped up from her seat and ran over to me.

      – I’m serious Val!

      – What now?

      I got tired of holding the bag and put it on the floor.

      – This time, it’s definitely over!

      – The end of what, Sue? Work? Travel? Or photos? To what directly!?

      – All Val. I’m tired of working with people who criticize me all the time and who keep repeating that if they had taken Stefano, they would have been finished in two days. What’s disgusting about being a bit of a perfectionist in my business? Just a couple of days and I would have given them the great footage. But Mr. Paczynski, damn him, told me they only had a week left before their magazine would be stitched together. What’s that got to do with me? They could have told me right away, or called me earlier. How hard can it be, Val?

      I took my friend by the shoulders and put her on the couch.

      – That’s easy. But let’s you calm down for the moment, and we’ll relax and sort this whole situation out. All right?

      Miranda glared at me a couple more times before she finally nodded her head.

      – Well, the first step is over. – I sat down next to her. – So, how many days did you work for Mr. Paczynski anyway?

      – This 5is from the moment I arrived in Australia.

      – And how much was paid for you?

      – For days6! But I wouldn’t return the excess to him, because his interference in the shooting process, greatly damaged my nerves. And there is still a fee for that.

      I shoved my friend unhappily.

      – Miranda!

      – What about Miranda? You know how much those people piss me off. They’re always trying to impose their views on me. After all, I’m the photographer here, not them!

      – Mr. Paczynski, as your client, has a right to make his point.

      – Not him! That hog only knows where to eat. Do you know how nauseating it is when your interlocutor, with his mouth full, tries to say something else for you?

      I made a disgruntled grimace.

      – No, but I can imagine.

      – Believe me, it’s even worse to see it with your own eyes. I almost twisted a few times right there. By God, Val, I won’t work for their magazine anymore. That’s my word of good faith to you!

      – Well, that’s fine, we’ve dealt with that. Now explain to me, why do you have to give up your favorite case because of this?

      Her friend got up from the couch and paced from side to side.

      – Since this has been going on, it’s not the first day. I’m tired of people like Mr. Paczynski. I may like my work, but only because I can tell my story, not just another dose of sameness. It’s very hard to work for glossy publications and think the way they want you to think. That’s why I’d rather find another job than be a grayish mediocrity.

      I had to take my deepest breath to continue this conversation.

      – Dear Miranda. – I got up from the couch, too, and walked over to my friend and hugged her tightly. – You’re one of the hardest people to call, but you’re one of the hardest to call! You’re the only person I know who’s catchy, vibrant, and spitting your own originality. To me you are special, you are a person, just not fully disclosed. That’s your mystery. Many people underestimate your talent, creating things even more fascinating than others. Personally, I appreciate that about you! Seriously. From time to time I think your energy is enough to light up an entire major city for a couple of years to come. – I opened my arms and looked into Miranda’s face. – And you know, I’m sad to hear you say something like that. It turns out that I, too, am a grayish mediocrity who makes other people’s wishes come true.

      – Sorry.

      – It’s okay, it’s better to call things by their proper names.

      – You know what I wanted to say.

      – Naturally! We’ve known each other for years. So Miranda, I will say this, not because I’m your friend and someone close to you, but as a casual observer. You’re an excellent photographer who makes amazing things out of the ordinary, like this table or… – I spread my hands so that my friend knows what I’m talking about at this moment – or this teapot! You have everything you need. Oh, no, wait, you don’t. You have no patience.

      – Hey!

      – But that’s just the way it is.

      Miranda strode over to her own bag, still on the floor, and scratched her head cheerfully

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