LITMIR.BIZ

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way too little, baby. Did you just come here to rest, or do you have business here?

      I got out of bed and fixed my light yellowish dress.

      – Both. Especially to see you with long hair.

      Mike took a step toward me and put his hands on my shoulders.

      – Can I ask you something else?

      – Uh-huh.

      – Did you come here alone?

      – One.

      I don’t know why, but I wanted to say «I’m not alone. I was afraid to tell him that I still couldn’t forget him. That for the last few years5, I’d been avoiding people like crazy, indulging in our memoirs, shutting myself away in my own little apartment. He probably remembered a completely different me, one who often laughed and enjoyed life. A colorful, concrete, ready for any adventure lady. But not a dried herbarium in her place.

      I’d lost my luster over the years5, and my fur was too shabby for me to just lie to Mike. Anyone who could see me at the moment would tell me how pale I was, and how unkempt my clothes were. To those close to me I had become very skinny, almost transparent, playing a constant silent game, as if I had been reincarnated as a fish. My blank face without paint, resembling an unstained leaf and indifferent attitude toward everything that was going on were all part of who I was now.

      Everyone knew the reason, but no one tried to talk to me about it, not even my father. It was as if they were afraid I would snap and run to chop up my wrists. And I wanted to share this pain with someone who would hug me and let me finally get all the shit out that had been building up inside me for years. But there was no one willing. Miranda was always on the road; it’s hard to reveal your soul to someone whose life is more of a rushing waterfall. My friend was very busy with her own life; she was active, energetic, in constant motion, while I sat in a corner. I couldn’t admit to her that I was unhappy when she was so happy and fulfilled. Well, it’s not in my nature to complain about life.

      I would naturally like to look better and more confident in front of Mike at this point, so that he would think that I had survived everything that had happened between us.

      – Oh so!?

      I saw that this was the answer he was waiting to hear.

      – Yes, one.

      Mike looked me over from head to toe with an attentive eye.

      – You’ve changed a lot.

      – I know.» I mumbled back.

      – I’m sorry again Val, I’m really very sorry for the way I disappeared back then.

      – The truth?

      I grinned ironically. If he was hoping to get away with an apology, he didn’t know me very well.

      – Listen, let’s meet up with you tomorrow night. And I’ll answer all your questions.

      – Where?

      – Where is more comfortable for you.

      I reflected on my own hotel, but I also remembered the detective.

      – Is there a restaurant in this hotel?

      – There is. But it’s very crowded.

      – So? Is there some sort of inconsistency in that?

      Mike ran his hand through his hair excitedly.

      – No, I just wanted to talk to you in a more casual setting. But if you really want to meet in a restaurant, I don’t mind.

      – What time is most convenient for you?

      He pulled out a cell phone from the pocket of his dark pants and, after quickly typing something, shoved it back in.

      – В5. Normal?

      – Yes.

      I went to the nightstand by the bed to get my bag.

      – Violet!?

      Swiftly throwing the strap over my shoulder, I turned around.

      – What?

      – You will come, won’t you?

      – Naturally. I have to find out why you did what you did.

      – And you will find out, I promise.

      – I don’t doubt it. I’m sorry, but I have to get back to my business.

      We uncomfortably started waving our arms as we walked to the door.

      – Are you sure you don’t need an escort? You’re still pale…

      – Oh no, that’s not necessary. There’s nothing wrong with me. I really am.

      – Great.

      – Bye.

      He looked at me with a long gaze.

      – See you tomorrow, Violet.

      I smiled at his forgiveness and left the room.

      «What the hell was that?»

      Chapter 13

      Some people like the rain in the summer, explaining it by the fact that after it passes, it becomes fresher. Some people like to bask in the sun under its colorful and scalding rays. There are people who like to walk outside and feel the light breeze on their own skin. There are a lot of people like that, but I’m not one of them. The rain gives me a migraine and my hair gets frizzy, and when the rain passes, the road turns into a swamp for me and my shoes get dirty. I rarely go outside, so on the only days I do get out of the house, I am greeted by sunny weather. It makes me wrinkle, my skin dries out, and in the light I start to notice the loose, unruly hair on my head, and I always feel like it’s trying to fall on my face. It’s a terrible feeling. It’s the same with the wind, yes it’s nice, it blows me blue, but it ruins my hair, and from time to time little grains of sand hurt my eyes and even get in my mouth.

      To put it bluntly, I am not a pest. I’m not capricious or rude, I don’t have any of those things in me. I’m just very absorbed in every second of my life right now, and it forces me to become more sensitive to what’s going on around me. For the most part, I’m definitely irritable, but not so much that I live like a grumpy grandmother who has a dozen cats in her apartment and swears profusely as she walks past a couple kissing. In some ways I am even happy, and this can be explained by the fact that I never thought to register on some blog or forum dedicated to lowlifes losers and post about how miserable I am. To me, that’s an indicator.

      I correctly perceive the one I am at the moment, and I regard my condition more quickly as temporary, which can be completely overcome.

      The worst part was that I realized at this point that not only did I no longer love my ex-boyfriend, but that he turned out to be such a jerk. It was natural to believe that after all these years he would fall down and repent and beg me to forgive him, shedding bitter tears. He didn’t know that I’d been aching and pining for him like an idiot all this time. But I expected more from our meeting, because we were so close. Weren’t we?

      I fully deserve at least a clarification. Let it be heresy to help me live on, I will accept it whatever it may be. I really wish things could go back to the way they were before. But without Mike’s help, I’m not sure I can find myself the way I was before. That’s why it’s important to end this love story in the end, in the end, in the end and in the end. I have to do it. No, I have to do it!

      I walked down the eighth floor hallway toward my room. It hadn’t been the most pleasant day of my life, not because of my meeting with Mike, but because of the migraine that had been haunting me all day. I know it sounds unconvincing for such a statement, but I decided so, and with this, as unfortunate

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