Ivanov - Anton Chekhov

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      At the Lebedevs

      Pavel Lebedev, a wealthy neighbour

      Zinaida, his wife

      Sasha, their daughter

      Marfa Babakina, a wealthy young widow

      Dmitry Kosykh, an excise officer

      Avdotya Nazarovna, an old woman

      Yegorushka, a dependent

      Gavrila, a servant

      First Guest

      Second Guest

      Third Guest

      Fourth Guest

      and Visitors, Wedding Guests, Servants

      IVANOV

      Notes

      Words in square brackets may be overlapped or elided.

      ‘Nicolas’ is pronounced as in French.

      Act One

      Outdoors at Ivanov’s estate: the house-front with an open window, a terrace, some garden furniture, a suggestion of the garden beyond and an avenue of trees. Evening is drawing in. From the window, the sound of a duet, piano and cello, practising.

      Ivanov sits at the table reading a book. Borkin, in high top-boots, with a rifle, appears from the garden. He is tipsy. Catching sight of Ivanov, he tiptoes up to him and, coming alongside him, points the gun at Ivanov’s face.

      Ivanov(jumping up) For God’s sake, Misha – what?! – you scared the –! I’m a bag of nerves as it is without you, without your stupid . . .

      Borkin(guffaws) Right, right, apologies, sorry.

      IvanovYou scared the life out of me and you think it’s funny . . .

      Borkin(sits down next to him) Won’t happen again – promise. (Takes off his cap.) Lord, it’s hot. Think of it, dear chap – I’ve covered sixteen versts in three hours, I’m knackered – heart going like the clappers, lend us your hand a minute . . .

      Ivanov(reading) I’m reading . . .

      BorkinNo, feel my heart –

      He takes Ivanov’s hand and puts it to his chest.

      Can you feel? Di-dum, di-dum, di-dum, dum-dim – see? Heart disease! I could drop dead any moment. Actually – would you be sorry if I died?

      IvanovI’m reading, ask me later.

      BorkinSeriously though, would you? If I died would you miss me, Nikolay?

      IvanovWill you please stop [bothering me]!

      BorkinJust say – would you mind if I –

      IvanovWhat I mind is you reeking of vodka.

      Borkin(laughs) Do I? I’m amazed. Well, not really. Nothing amazing about it. I ran into the magistrate in town, we knocked back a few or seven or eight. Actually, drinking’s not good for you. It’s bad for you, in fact – wouldn’t you agree? Eh? Bad for you?

      IvanovThis really is . . . Can’t you understand you’re driving me [mad]?

      BorkinRight, right . . . apologies, sorry again . . .!

      He gets up and moves off.

      Some people are extraordinary – you’re not even allowed to talk to them.

      He returns.

      Oh – almost forgot – eighty-two roubles, please.

      IvanovWhat eighty-two roubles?

      BorkinTomorrow’s wages for the workmen.

      IvanovI haven’t got it.

      BorkinOh, good. ‘I haven’t got it’! Perhaps you think the men can go without their wages?

      IvanovI don’t know what I think. I just haven’t got it. You’ll have to wait till the first of the month.

      BorkinWe’re not connecting here – the men aren’t coming for their wages on the first of the month, they’re coming tomorrow [morning].

      IvanovWell, what am I supposed to do about it? (Angrily.) And since when do you think you can interrupt me when I’m [reading]?

      BorkinLook, I’m only asking – do we give the men their wages or don’t we? Waste of breath. Gentleman farmers! Three thousand acres of scientific agriculture and not a bean to show for it. Like having a wine cellar and no corkscrew. Maybe I’ll just up and sell the troika tomorrow! I sold the oats on the stalk, see if I don’t sell the barley. If you think I’d think twice you’ve got the wrong man.

      Shabelsky is heard through the window.

      ShabelskyIt’s impossible to play with you! I’ve known stuffed carp with more ear for music.

      Anna(appearing at the open window) Who’s that – you, Misha? What are you stamping about for?

      BorkinYou’d be stamping about if you had to deal with your cher Maître Nicolas.

      AnnaOh – Misha – get them to bring some hay to the croquet lawn.

      Borkin(waves his hand dismissively) Kindly don’t bother me now.

      AnnaNow don’t get high and mighty – women find it unattractive. Oh Nikolay! – let’s go and do cartwheels in the hay!

      IvanovIt can’t be good for you standing at an open window, do go inside, Anyuta darling. (Shouts.) Uncle – close the window!

      The window closes.

      BorkinAnd another thing – Lebedev’s due his interest the day after tomorrow.

      IvanovI know. I’m going over there later – I’ll ask for more time.

      BorkinYou’re going when?

      Ivanov(looking at his pocket watch) Now – soon –

      Borkin(eagerly) Hang on, isn’t it Sasha’s birthday today? Silly me – I almost forgot – what a memory! (Hops about.) Tell you what, I’ll come along with you – (Sings.) I’ll come along with you . . . First a swim, chew some paper, splash on some anti-booze and start off the day again. Mon ange, mon frère, mon petit Nikolay Alekseevich – you’re all jumpy and down in the dumps all the time, always moaning, goodness me – You and me, me and you, what the two of us couldn’t do only the devil could! There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you How about if I marry Marfushka Babakina? Half the dowry is yours. Did I say half? – have the lot!

      IvanovDo stop talking rubbish.

      BorkinNo, I’m serious, really and truly – Do you want me to marry Marfa? Divvy up the dowry? . . . I don’t know why I bother. (Mimics him.) ’Do stop talking rubbish’! You’re not a bad chap, quite bright, really, but what you need is a bit of get up and go . . . You’re a case, a chronic gloom merchant, which if you weren’t, you could have a million inside a year. Here’s a for instance: Ovsyanov is selling a strip of land on the other bank just opposite, for 2, 300 roubles. If we buy it we’ll own both sides of the river. And if both banks are ours – follow me? – we’d have the right to build a dam. Yes? We start building a mill, and as soon as we tell them we want to make a mill pond, everyone downstream will kick up a fuss and we’ll put it to them straight – kommen Sie hier – if you don’t want the dam, it will cost you. Am I getting through? The Zarevsky factory will be good for five thousand, Korokolkov three thousand, five thousand from the monastery . . .

      IvanovThat’s called extortion. If you don’t want a row keep your ideas to yourself.

      Borkin(sits down at the table) Of course! I should have known.

      Shabelsky comes out of the house with Lvov.

      ShabelskyDoctors! – They’re like lawyers, only with doctors when they’ve finished robbing you, you die . . . any doctors present excepted, of course. Bloodsucking

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