LITMIR.BIZ

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my own at home, strike me if I ain’t — same as yours — I’ve got a nipper just about ‘is size, and what’ll come of them if I’m lagged? I ain’t been in it long, sir, and I ain’t ‘andy at it.’

      ‘No,’ said our robber; ‘you certainly are not.’ Alice and the others had come down by now to see what was happening. Alice told me afterwards they thought it really was the cat this time.

      ‘No, I ain’t ‘andy, as you say, sir, and if you let me off this once I’ll chuck the whole blooming bizz; rake my civvy, I will. Don’t be hard on a cove, mister; think of the missis and the kids. I’ve got one just the cut of little missy there bless ‘er pretty ’eart.’

      ‘Your family certainly fits your circumstances very nicely,’ said our robber. Then Alice said —

      ‘Oh, do let him go! If he’s got a little girl like me, whatever will she do? Suppose it was Father!’

      ‘I don’t think he’s got a little girl like you, my dear,’ said our robber, ‘and I think he’ll be safer under lock and key.’

      ‘You ask yer Father to let me go, miss,’ said the burglar; ”e won’t ‘ave the ‘art to refuse you.’

      ‘If I do,’ said Alice, ‘will you promise never to come back?’

      ‘Not me, miss,’ the burglar said very earnestly, and he looked at the plate-basket again, as if that alone would be enough to keep him away, our robber said afterwards.

      ‘And will you be good and not rob any more?’ said Alice.

      ‘I’ll turn over a noo leaf, miss, so help me.’

      Then Alice said —‘Oh, do let him go! I’m sure he’ll be good.’

      But our robber said no, it wouldn’t be right; we must wait till Father came home. Then H. O. said, very suddenly and plainly:

      ‘I don’t think it’s at all fair, when you’re a robber yourself.’

      The minute he’d said it the burglar said, ‘Kidded, by gum!’— and then our robber made a step towards him to catch hold of him, and before you had time to think ‘Hullo!’ the burglar knocked the pistol up with one hand and knocked our robber down with the other, and was off out of the window like a shot, though Oswald and Dicky did try to stop him by holding on to his legs.

      And that burglar had the cheek to put his head in at the window and say, ‘I’ll give yer love to the kids and the missis’— and he was off like winking, and there were Alice and Dora trying to pick up our robber, and asking him whether he was hurt, and where. He wasn’t hurt at all, except a lump at the back of his head. And he got up, and we dusted the kitchen floor off him. Eliza is a dirty girl.

      Then he said, ‘Let’s put up the shutters. It never rains but it pours. Now you’ve had two burglars I daresay you’ll have twenty.’ So we put up the shutters, which Eliza has strict orders to do before she goes out, only she never does, and we went back to Father’s study, and the robber said, ‘What a night we are having!’ and put his boots back in the fender to go on steaming, and then we all talked at once. It was the most wonderful adventure we ever had, though it wasn’t treasure-seeking — at least not ours. I suppose it was the burglar’s treasure-seeking, but he didn’t get much — and our robber said he didn’t believe a word about those kids that were so like Alice and me.

      And then there was the click of the gate, and we said, ‘Here’s Father,’ and the robber said, ‘And now for the police.’

      Then we all jumped up. We did like him so much, and it seemed so unfair that he should be sent to prison, and the horrid, lumping big burglar not.

      And Alice said, ‘Oh, no— run! Dicky will let you out at the back door. Oh, do go, go now.’

      And we all said, ‘Yes, go,’ and pulled him towards the door, and gave him his hat and stick and the things out of his pockets.

      But Father’s latchkey was in the door, and it was too late.

      Father came in quickly, purring with the cold, and began to say, ‘It’s all right, Foulkes, I’ve got —’ And then he stopped short and stared at us. Then he said, in the voice we all hate, ‘Children, what is the meaning of all this?’ And for a minute nobody spoke.

      Then my Father said, ‘Foulkes, I must really apologize for these very naughty —’ And then our robber rubbed his hands and laughed, and cried out:

      ‘You’re mistaken, my dear sir, I’m not Foulkes; I’m a robber, captured by these young people in the most gallant manner. “Hands up, surrender, or I fire,” and all the rest of it. My word, Bastable, but you’ve got some kids worth having! I wish my Denny had their pluck.’

      Then we began to understand, and it was like being knocked down, it was so sudden. And our robber told us he wasn’t a robber after all. He was only an old college friend of my Father’s, and he had come after dinner, when Father was just trying to mend the lock H. O. had broken, to ask Father to get him a letter to a doctor about his little boy Denny, who was ill. And Father had gone over the Heath to Vanbrugh Park to see some rich people he knows and get the letter. And he had left Mr Foulkes to wait till he came back, because it was important to know at once whether Father could get the letter, and if he couldn’t Mr Foulkes would have had to try some one else directly.

      We were dumb with amazement.

      Our robber told my Father about the other burglar, and said he was sorry he’d let him escape, but my Father said, ‘Oh, it’s all right: poor beggar; if he really had kids at home: you never can tell — forgive us our debts, don’t you know; but tell me about the first business. It must have been moderately entertaining.’

      Then our robber told my Father how I had rushed into the room with a pistol, crying out . . . but you know all about that. And he laid it on so thick and fat about plucky young-uns, and chips of old blocks, and things like that, that I felt I was purple with shame, even under the blanket. So I swallowed that thing that tries to prevent you speaking when you ought to, and I said, ‘Look here, Father, I didn’t really think there was any one in the study. We thought it was a cat at first, and then I thought there was no one there, and I was just larking. And when I said surrender and all that, it was just the game, don’t you know?’

      Then our robber said, ‘Yes, old chap; but when you found there really was someone there, you dropped the pistol and bunked, didn’t you, eh?’

      And I said, ‘No; I thought, “Hullo! here’s a robber! Well, it’s all up, I suppose, but I may as well hold on and see what happens.”’

      And I was glad I’d owned up, for Father slapped me on the back, and said I was a young brick, and our robber said I was no funk anyway, and though I got very hot under the blanket I liked it, and I explained that the others would have done the same if they had thought of it.

      Then Father got up some more beer, and laughed about Dora’s responsibility, and he got out a box of figs he had bought for us, only he hadn’t given it to us because of the Water Rates, and Eliza came in and brought up the bread and cheese, and what there was left of the neck of mutton — cold wreck of mutton, Father called it — and we had a feast — like a picnic — all sitting anywhere, and eating with our fingers. It was prime. We sat up till past twelve o’clock, and I never felt so pleased to think I was not born a girl. It was hard on the others; they would have done just the same if they’d thought of it. But it does make you feel jolly when your pater says you’re a young brick!

      When Mr Foulkes was going, he said to Alice, ‘Good-bye, Hardy.’

      And Alice understood, of course, and kissed him as hard as she could.

      And she said, ‘I wanted to, when you said no one kissed you when you left off being a pirate.’ And he said, ‘I know you did, my dear.’ And Dora kissed him too, and said, ‘I suppose none of these tales were true?’

      And our robber just said, ‘I tried to play

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