LITMIR.BIZ

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on his own these last couple of years, and I was blown away by how much he’d progressed all by himself. Of the two of us, he was the one who’d really taken our dream seriously—and the realization made me both proud of him and disappointed in myself.

      Navid was taking a risk.

      We moved around so much that I felt like I could never make plans anymore. I never made commitments, never joined school clubs. Never bought a yearbook. I never memorized phone numbers or street names or learned anything more than was absolutely necessary about the town I lived in. There didn’t seem to be a point. Navid had struggled with this, too, in his own way, but he said he was done waiting for the right moment. He would be graduating this year, and he finally wanted to give breakdancing a shot before he went off to college and everything changed. And I was really proud of him.

      I waved when I walked into our first practice.

      We were meeting in one of the dance rooms inside the school’s gym, and my brother’s three new friends looked me up and down again, even though we’d already met. They seemed to be assessing me.

      “So,” Carlos said. “You break?”

      “Not yet,” I said, feeling suddenly self-conscious.

      “That’s not true,” my brother said, stepping forward. He grinned at me. “Her uprock isn’t bad and she does a decent six-step.”

      “But I don’t know any power moves,” I said.

      “That’s okay. I’m going to teach you.”

      It was then that I sat down and wondered whether Navid wasn’t doing this whole thing just to throw me a bone. Maybe I was imagining it, but for the first time in a long while, my brother seemed to be mine again, and I didn’t realize until just that moment how much I’d missed him.

      He was dyslexic, my brother. When he started middle school and started flunking out of every subject, I finally realized that he and I hated school for very different reasons. Words and letters never made sense to him like they did to me, and it wasn’t until two years ago when he was threatened with expulsion that he finally told me the truth.

      Screamed it, actually.

      My mom had ordered me to help him with his homework. We couldn’t afford a tutor, so I would have to do, and I was pissed. Tutoring my older brother was not how I wanted to spend my free time. So when he refused to do the work, I got angry.

      “Just answer the question,” I’d snap at him. “It’s simple reading comprehension. Read the paragraph and summarize, in a couple of sentences, what it was about. That’s it. It’s not rocket science.”

      He refused.

      I pushed.

      He refused.

      I insulted him.

      He insulted me back.

      I insulted him more.

      “Just answer the goddamn question why are you so lazy what the hell is wrong with you—”

      And finally he just exploded.

      That was the day I learned that my brother, my beautiful, brilliant older brother, couldn’t make sense of words on a page. He’d spend half an hour reading a paragraph over and over again and even then, he didn’t know what to do with it. He couldn’t craft sentences. He struggled, tremendously, to translate his thoughts into words.

      So I started teaching him how.

      We worked together every day for hours, late into the night, until one day he could put sentences together by himself. Months later he was writing paragraphs. It took a year, but he finally wrote his own research paper. And the thing no one ever knew was that I did all his schoolwork in the interim. All his writing assignments. I wrote every paper for him until he could do it on his own.

      I thought maybe this was his way of saying thanks. I mean, it almost certainly wasn’t, but I couldn’t help but wonder why else he’d take this chance on me. The other guys he’d collected—Jacobi, Carlos, and Bijan—already had experience in other crews. None of them were experts, but they weren’t novices, either. I was the one who needed the most work, and Navid was the only one who didn’t seem irritated about it.

      Carlos, especially, wouldn’t stop looking at me. He seemed deeply skeptical that I’d end up any good, and he told me so. He didn’t even seem mean about it, just matter of fact.

      “What?” I said. “Why not?”

      He shrugged. But he was staring at my outfit.

      I’d switched into some of the only gym clothes I owned—a pair of slim sweatpants and a thin hoodie—but I was also wearing a different scarf; it was made of a light, cotton material that I’d tied up into a turban style, and this seemed to distract him.

      Finally, he nodded at my head and said, “You can breakdance in that?”

      My eyes widened. For some reason I was surprised. I don’t know why I’d thought these dudes would be marginally less stupid than all the other ones I’d known.

      “Are you for real?” I said. “What a dick thing to say.”

      He laughed and said, “I’m sorry, I’ve just never seen anyone try to breakdance like that before.”

      “Wow,” I said, stunned. “I’ve literally never seen you take off that beanie, but you’re giving me shit for this ?”

      Carlos looked surprised. He laughed harder. He tugged the beanie off his head and ran his hand through his hair. He had very black, springy curls that were slightly too long and kept falling in his face. He put the beanie back on. “All right,” he said. “All right. Okay. Sorry.”

      “Whatever.”

      “I’m sorry,” he said, but he was smiling. “Seriously. I’m sorry. That was a dick thing to say. You’re right. I’m an asshole.”

      “Clearly.”

      Navid was laughing so hard. I suddenly hated everyone.

      Jacobi shook his head and said, “Damn.”

      “Wow,” I said. “You all suck.”

      “Hey—” Bijan was in the middle of stretching his legs. He pretended to look hurt. “That’s not fair. Jacobi and I didn’t even say anything.”

      “Yeah but you were thinking it, weren’t you?”

      Bijan grinned.

      “Navid,” I said, “your friends suck.”

      “They’re a work in progress,” he said, and chucked a water bottle at Carlos, who dodged it easily.

      Carlos was still laughing. He walked over to where I was sitting on the floor and offered me his hand.

      I raised an eyebrow at him.

      “I’m sorry,” he said again. “Really.”

      I took his hand. He hauled me to my feet.

      “All right,” he said. “Let me see that six-step I keep hearing about.”

      I spent the rest of that day practicing simple skills: doing handstands and push-ups and trying to improve my uprock. An uprock was the dance you did while you were upright. Much of breakdancing was performed on the ground, but an uprock was given its own, special attention; it was what you did first—it was an introduction, an opportunity to set the stage—before you broke your body down, figuratively, into a downrock and the subsequent power moves and poses that generally constituted a single performance.

      I knew how to do a very basic uprock. My footwork was simple, my movements fluid but uninspired. I had a natural feel for the beats in the music—could easily sync my movements to the rhythm—but that wasn’t enough. The best breakdancers had their own signature styles, and my moves were still generic. I knew this—had always known

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