LITMIR.BIZ

       CHAPTER NINE

      THE PASSION THAT had ignited between them as they’d danced at the party two nights ago still flowed through Raul. A concept he was far from familiar with and, even though he wanted Lydia, he’d suggested they take a walk, as most people in Madrid did on a Sunday afternoon. She looked as if she belonged here, strolling with the locals, her long legs encased in white jeans and boots, the collar of her black faux suede jacket fanning out her hair around her. He had to do something to cool things down.

      Tomorrow he would be stepping out of this strangeness he’d fallen into and back into his real life. He’d be in London to meet his brother. A thought that brought happiness and annoyance in equal measures.

      ‘Have you spoken to your father?’ he asked and her step faltered beside him as they entered Retiro Park; the trees bare of leaves but bathed in the winter sun, it still looked inviting. He’d spent many hours here, first as a young boy and then a man. Sometimes he’d had the company of a woman, but it had never been to avoid the lure of taking one to his bed yet again.

      ‘No. That is a conversation for another day. What about you? Have you said anything to your mother yet?’ He glanced at her as she successfully turned the tables on him and a spark of admiration shot through him. Lydia was more than a match for him. He liked that. Not that it changed a thing. Tomorrow it would end. It was what they’d planned—what they wanted.

      ‘I think it will be better to tell her when I have met my brother, seen what kind of man he is. I insist on protecting her from this as much as possible.’ As he spoke she took his arm and moved closer to him and to the outside world they looked no different from any other couple in love strolling through the park.

      It wasn’t what he wanted. Love and other such ill-fated emotions weakened even the strongest man and, combined with the desire he had for Lydia, Raul sensed that it would be all-consuming—and lethal. No, it was not something he wanted or needed in his life.

      ‘I admire that in you.’ She spoke softly and he looked down at her, to see she was watching him. The distance he was hoping to create between them slipped away as she smiled, openly and honestly. Hell, he wanted to kiss her.

      A fierce fire leapt to life within him, filling his whole body with something he didn’t want, something he couldn’t deal with. He’d known desire before, many times, but never like this. Could it be he’d crossed the boundary and was straying into a place he had no intention of being?

      He focused his mind on the conversation, ignoring the undertones of something much more devastating. ‘That I care for my mother? The woman who raised me, protecting me from the true knowledge of my father’s secret life?’

      Saying it aloud to Lydia brought it all home to him. How much his mother must have suffered because of the man she’d married, not out of love, but out of duty and honour to her family.

      He saw it all differently. He could hear again Lydia proudly telling him she had no intention of marrying him. All it did was back up the relief that she’d fulfilled her part of the deal and had found Max, unlocking the funds to clear the debt, funds that he strongly suspected his father had thought would never be unlocked.

      ‘But that is not wrong, Raul.’ She looked at him, a strange and powerful expression in her lovely green eyes. If he didn’t know how fiercely she opposed the idea of marriage and how she agreed on his philosophy of love, he could be fooled into thinking she was in love. With him.

      ‘Wrong or not, it is not up for discussion.’ He held her gaze for a second longer, then turned to walk on. They were drawing attention, he realised. ‘Let us walk.’

      She fell quickly into step beside him, her black boots making a gentle sound on the path, and feeling her body against his as they walked felt so right, so natural. For the briefest of moments, he wondered why he didn’t want this closeness, this total commitment.

      Because it will never last and pain will follow it.

      He could still clearly remember just what such pain had done to his mother when she’d discovered his father had led a secret life. It was the kind of pain that went hand in hand with that elusive emotion love and it had convinced him that, despite all his mother had claimed about their marriage being arranged, she’d loved his father.

      He would never be that weak. He would never open himself up to such pain.

      ‘The park is beautiful at this time of the year, is it not?’ He diverted his thoughts and the topic of conversation onto more neutral territory.

      ‘It is, even when it is so cold.’ She snuggled against him. Was she cold or getting too comfortable? ‘It’s lovely, thanks.’

      ‘A nice way to end our weekend, no?’ He felt her glance up at him, but he kept his attention firmly ahead. Was it possible she was reading more into this moment?

      ‘Yes,’ she said and walked on, looking anywhere but at him, convincing him he must have been mistaken. At least she agreed and there wouldn’t be any drama when they returned to their lives. This would be just a weekend affair.

      * * *

      Lydia breathed in the cold air, relishing the gentle breeze on her face as she walked, her arm linked in Raul’s, through Retiro Park. The soft luxury of his camel cashmere coat was warm and inviting, but not nearly as much as Raul. The wind was cold, but it focused her thoughts, stopped her from believing this affair would ever be anything more than just a weekend. One that was almost over. It had been a magical interlude, which had shown her what loving a man could be like, even though she knew this man would never allow anyone close enough to love him or to love himself.

      ‘We will go to London tomorrow.’ As if he’d sensed her thoughts, taken lead from them, Raul said the words that spelt the end of whatever it was that had happened between them since the night of the party.

      ‘So this is goodbye?’ She kept walking, looking ahead of her down the long tree-lined path, noticing the red squirrels that cheekily followed them from tree to tree in the hope of treats. Normally she would have remarked upon it, taken pleasure in such a moment, but not today—not now. She wanted to be as detached as he was, her words as emotionless and empty and, whilst she was happy that she’d achieved that, inside she was breaking apart.

      ‘Sí, querida.’ His Spanish accent was deeper than ever and the use of the now all too familiar term of endearment no longer irritated. She glanced up at him, his profile strong and unyielding. ‘It is time to return to our lives.’

      She should be elated. Her father’s debts were to be cleared without the need to enter into a marriage more in keeping with the kind of historical novels she’d loved as a teenager. Tomorrow she would return to London and she and Raul would never have to see one another again. So why did that feel so difficult? As foolish as it was, she had fallen in love with a man who was as cold and incapable of love as his father had evidently been.

      ‘I will of course require written proof that my father’s debts are settled. I don’t want to be hounded again.’ The pain of her realisation made her lash out, made her want to hurt him too. But could you ever hurt a man so incapable of emotions?

      ‘Hounded?’ He pulled her to a halt and looked down at her, the spark of anger once again in his eyes. Inwardly she sighed. It seemed she brought out the worst in this man.

      She lifted her chin defiantly; the barrier she usually hid behind, the one

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