LITMIR.BIZ

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They drove in silence for a long time before Staci said, “What’s going on with you? You’re tense and sad and it’s not about Mom’s death.”

      Paige swallowed the lump in her throat. “It’s very upsetting to go back and relive all that heartache and pain.”

      “Yeah, I know, kiddo. I lived through it with you. But as I told you on the phone a couple years ago, the doctors at the mental hospital said Mom’s problems started with the wreck that killed her parents. She suffered severe head trauma and back injuries, and she wasn’t the same afterward. Even Uncle Harry said that. As the years passed, it just got worse because she refused any treatment and couldn’t stay off the liquor.”

      Paige had always known there had to be a reason for her mother’s behavior, but it still didn’t wipe away a child’s pain. Her mother was gone now and she had to learn to forgive. She knew all too well how circumstances could change a person’s life.

      “How often did you visit her?”

      Staci heaved a sigh. “Whenever I could force myself to go—holidays, her birthday and Mother’s Day. I always took her flowers and chocolates. At the end, she was very sad, Paige.”

      She closed her eyes tightly, not wanting to hear any good things about her mother. In her emotional state, she couldn’t handle it. The bitterness and the resentment held her together like Elmer’s glue, and if they were gone, she would crumble into nothing. Her sins would rise to the surface and she would have to admit that she was worse than her mother. At least her mother had never given away one of her children.

      “Enough with the maudlin stuff. I have a two-bedroom apartment and you and Luke are staying with me. I thought it would be nice if we were together. He’s coming in tonight and we’ll have dinner. I’m cooking. And it’s not peanut butter and jelly or corn dogs. How did we survive on that?”

      “Don’t forget milk and cereal.”

      “Mmm. But, you know, the past is the past and what we do now with our lives is up to us. Adversity has made us stronger and we can handle anything.”

      Paige wasn’t so sure about that. She didn’t know if she could handle going back to Horseshoe, Texas, and reliving that terrible time.

      * * *

      JUDE RODE INTO the barn followed by his brother Phoenix. He was home from the rodeo circuit for a few days and helping on the ranch. He and Phoenix had been born in the same year, January and December, and they were close growing up, almost like twins. But Phoenix had always had an interest in the rodeo, while Jude had just wanted to cowboy for real.

      As they were unsaddling, Quincy and Elias rode in from their day’s work on the ranch. “I’ll finish up for you, Jude,” Quincy said. “You got a date tonight and it’s getting late.”

      Jude threw his saddle over a rail. “I canceled.”

      His brothers stopped what they were doing and stared at him. Quincy placed his hands on his hips. “Why?”

      “I can’t go out and have a good time with this Paige thing hanging over my head. I have to figure out what I’m going to do. I have to think about Zane and what’s best for him.”

      Elias pulled off his hat, slapped it against his leg, making the dust fly. “The way I see it, Paige is here for a funeral, and as soon as it’s over, she’ll be gone again. She probably has a big practice out in California. I don’t know what you’re worried about.”

      “I usually never agree with Elias, but he could be right.” Quincy hung his saddle on a rail and stared at Jude. “Go out and have a good time tonight and you’ll be relaxed and able to see things more clearly.”

      “You wouldn’t do that, Quincy. You wouldn’t put your pleasure before someone you loved.”

      Quincy pulled off his gloves and stuffed them into his saddlebags. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

      “Paige is Zane’s mother and I have to tell her what I did or I’ll never be able to live with myself. Doesn’t matter if she’s married and has other kids. Zane has a right to know his mother and maybe get the chance to meet her.”

      All day, thoughts of Zane and Paige had gone round and round in his mind. It all came down to the same thing: what was best for Zane. Jude had lived his whole life with that in mind and he wasn’t changing now, even if it was going to take a piece of his heart to face her.

      Falcon walked into the barn. “Everybody through for the day?”

      “Yeah,” Quincy replied. “We have twenty-five heifers ready to go first thing in the morning to Mr. Hensley in Longview, Texas. Actually, we have twenty-six.” He glanced at Elias. “Someone can’t count.”

      “Math wasn’t my strong suit.” Elias smirked.

      Falcon pointed a finger at Elias. “First thing in the morning before anyone goes to work, you’ll get that heifer back to the herd.”

      “You’re a hard-ass, Falcon. Why don’t you just ask Mr. Hensley if he would like twenty-six? Maybe give them a discounted rate.”

      “I’m not discounting those heifers. They’re prime stock and it’s how we make our living. Have you forgotten that?”

      Jericho, who worked on the ranch and was a friend of their brother Egan, came into the barn from the corral. “Don’t worry about the extra heifer. I let one of the smaller ones out into the alley that connects most of the pastures and she took off running. I followed her on my horse all the way to the north pasture. She’s now back with the herd.”

      Elias thumbed his nose at Falcon. “And that’s how it’s done, big brother.”

      Falcon shook his head and caught sight of Jude. “What are you still doing here? I thought you had a date tonight.”

      Phoenix held up his hands. “Okay, everybody, leave Jude alone. This is his decision, his kid, not yours.”

      Jude and Phoenix had shared a special connection ever since the shooting of Ezra McCray. Jude and Phoenix had been riding bareback while their father was fixing fences. Jude was in front and Phoenix sat behind him with his arms wrapped around Jude’s waist. Almost as if it were yesterday, Jude could hear his brother.

      Jump the fence, Jude. This horse can do it.

      We’ll get in trouble.

      Dad’s way over there and we’ll be back before he misses us. Jump the fence, Jude.

      Hold on, he said and kneed the horse.

      The horse shot forward, galloping faster and faster as it neared the fence and they sailed right over it, but Jude couldn’t stop the horse fast enough. Before he could turn back toward the fence, shots rang out and the next thing he knew, he was in a hospital bed with his mother crying and his dad looking as if the world had come to an end. His sun-browned face was a mask of pain, misery and suffering. At six years of age, Jude thought maybe Phoenix was dead and he started to cry, too. But he soon found out Phoenix was fine and that Ezra McCray had shot at them. And his father had killed the man. It was a lot for a six-year-old to understand. It was a lot for a six-year-old to go through.

      From that day forward, Jude never spoke much. He was quiet and stayed close to his father, but even at that early age, he could see his dad was troubled by what had happened. Jude blamed himself and tried to make his father feel better. All his life he seemed to be fighting to make someone feel better and he had grown weary of the task.

      “Why didn’t Paxton come home with you?” Falcon asked Phoenix, his voice piercing Jude’s troubled thoughts.

      “He went on to another rodeo with Cole Bryant. He’s focused and determined to stay on the top of his game so he can make the national finals in Vegas. He’ll be home in a few days.”

      Paxton had had a rough year. He’d dumped his high-school sweetheart, Jenny, for someone he’d met

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