LITMIR.BIZ

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hurry for Olivia to meet him. In fact, she’s probably a whole lot better off never knowing him.’

      ‘That’s kind of sad.’ She couldn’t imagine not knowing where her father was, or any member of her family for that matter. ‘Olivia adores her Kiwi grandfather.’

      ‘Then she’s very lucky and we should leave the situation as it stands.’ His tone suggested she’d be wise not to argue.

      Okay, so she could be patient, give him time to get to know Olivia better before raising the point again. But right now she was being sidetracked from the purpose of this call. Again a deep breath.

      But Kieran spoke before she could gather the courage to tell him.

      ‘Look, Abigail, I hate to rush you but I’ve got lots to do before I catch my plane out. Two months is a long time to be away from my job here. Did you ring for a specific reason? Or is this a welcoming call before I arrive in Nelson?’

      Here it was, the moment she’d been dreading. ‘I have to tell you something that I think it best you know before you get here.’ Before she saw him again, and read the shock and anger that would surely fill those startling blue eyes that haunted her every day. Tell him, get it over. ‘I have a son, Seamus. He’s fifteen months old.’ The words poured out in a torrent, her mouth dry.

      ‘Oh, right. A playmate for Olivia, then. That must be good for her.’

      He paused, and Abby waited, her stomach in a knot, her heart thumping in her chest.

      Then she gasped, surprising hurt spiralling through her, when he said, ‘Of course, I didn’t know you were in a relationship. Have you married since we last saw each other?’

      Didn’t he get it? Come on, Kieran. Do the sum. Fifteen months plus nine? What had they been doing together two years ago? Had he forgotten that night they’d spent making love? A night that had never faded completely from her memory. But, then, he didn’t have a young child running around his home to constantly remind him of that time, so he probably had forgotten. Strange how disappointed that made her feel.

      She blurted, ‘Seamus is your son.’

      There, she’d told him. She couldn’t take the words back. The truth was out. And the silence was deafening. Of course she’d been wrong not to have told him the moment she’d seen the blue line on the pregnancy testing strip. But his career was very demanding and he’d been afraid of having anything to do with Olivia. He’d told Abby bluntly that he believed the child would come a distant second to his job. He’d warned he’d probably send Olivia to boarding school as soon as she was old enough. Providing financial backing seemed to be his share of the guardianship issue. And Olivia was only his niece. What chance was there that he’d go the extra distance for their son? So Abby, concerned about the emotional damage Kieran believed he was capable of inflicting, had taken the easy option and kept quiet.

      Huh. Easy? That’d be the day. She’d agonised over her decision every single day, knowing Kieran should be told about his child. All those aborted phone calls she’d made to him. And then there were the many letters she’d written and not posted. The photos of Seamus she’d taken and not sent. None of that counted for anything now.

      ‘Kieran?’ she finally whispered.

      ‘Are you sure he’s mine?’ The charm had disappeared now, replaced by uncertainty.

      Thanks a bunch. ‘I don’t make a habit of sleeping around.’ But she had spent one passionate night with this man, a night that had been totally out of character for her. She’d been numb with grief for her brother and sister-in-law, and Kieran’s arms had been warm and comforting. Too comforting.

      He continued, ‘What I meant was I used precautions each time.’

      ‘Ah, well, there was once when, um, we kind of forgot.’

      ‘I never forget. The last thing I have ever wanted is to be a parent. Because of that I make doubly sure something like this won’t happen. Ever.’ His voice snapped out that last word.

      Sorry, buddy. I’ve got the evidence. ‘Seamus is the spitting image of you. Your colouring, that slight lift of the right side of your mouth when you smile. I wouldn’t be surprised if, when he starts talking, he has an Irish accent.’

      Again silence fell between them. Abby twisted her hair around her fingers as she stared outside. Dusk was falling, softening the view. She’d told Kieran. At last. Even if he exploded at her, called her every miserable name he could think of, she felt as though a huge weight had finally been lifted. Not telling Kieran about Seamus had never sat comfortably with her. She mightn’t trust him to do the right thing by his child, or by her. She might believe he’d back out of their lives so fast he’d be like a train without brakes; but it went against all she believed in not to have told him the truth. Sound reasons or not.

      ‘Am I to understand that you’re only telling me now because I’m coming out to Nelson this week?’

      ‘Yes.’ She waited for the explosion, shoulders tense, fingers white where they gripped the phone.

      ‘There’s an honest answer.’ Were his teeth grinding? ‘Why didn’t you tell me the moment you knew you were pregnant?’

      ‘What would you have done about it, if I had?’

      ‘How do I know? I haven’t got a clue what to say now, so as to what I’d have said or done two years ago is beyond me. But I would’ve had time to get used to the idea.’ He didn’t sound like he’d really grasped what she’d told him. As in really, truly, understood that he had a child. Too much to take in?

      She tried to explain the inexcusable. ‘You had made it abundantly clear how you felt about having a child of your own.’ On two occasions. ‘I’m talking about your reaction to becoming Olivia’s guardian. You were so adamant you didn’t want anything to do with her upbringing that I …’ She faltered. ‘I figured if you couldn’t cope with helping bring up your niece, the last thing you’d want to deal with would be a child of your own.’ Don’t forget the financial side. ‘I know you’ve provided well for Olivia, very well, but I didn’t want you to think I was asking for that for Seamus.’

      ‘That gave you the right to decide I shouldn’t know about this boy? My son?’ His words were like bullets, slamming into her with piercing sharpness. ‘You made this choice? For me?’

      She would not apologise. She’d seen the trepidation clouding his eyes at the thought that he might have to raise Olivia. Trepidation that in truth she’d never fully understood. Had she done the guy an injustice? Probably. The guilt twisted her gut. But what hope was there that he’d have been willing to become a father to Seamus? In his own words, no father at all was better than a random one, and he’d told her they didn’t come more random than he’d be. ‘Kieran, rightly or wrongly, I had my reasons. But now that you’re coming here, you need to know.’ Hopefully he’d have calmed down by the time she got to see him at work. ‘And I want Seamus to know his father.’

      There was a sharp intake of breath at the other end of the line. Had she gone too far?

      If so, he didn’t divulge his feelings. ‘I won’t have much spare time during my tenure at your hospital, so I hope you’re not expecting a lot from me.’

      Only some time with your niece, who really needs to get to know her mother’s brother. Only an acknowledgement of your son, and maybe a softening of your heart towards him. Only your understanding and forgiveness. Too much to expect? Probably.

      He continued, ‘Spare time or not, we have a lot to discuss. I’ll set up a meeting with you once I’ve settled in.’

      Set up a meeting? Her shoulders slumped. That’s not the way to go about this. But she’d leave it for now. ‘I’m sorry you had to find out this way, Kieran.’

      What happened to not apologising? The trouble with that notion was that she felt incredibly guilty. Not only had Kieran missed out on so much of his son’s life, if he’d wanted to be

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