LITMIR.BIZ

       CHAPTER NINETEEN

      ‘AMANDA.’ ESTELLE ATTEMPTED to sound normal when she answered the landline. She was staring at the picture of them on Donald’s wedding night, trying to fathom the man who simply refused to love.

      ‘I tried your mobile.’

      ‘Sorry…’ Estelle had started to talk about the charger she’d left in San Sebastian, started to talk about little things that weren’t important at all, when she realised that for once Amanda wasn’t being upbeat. ‘What’s happened?’

      ‘I tried to ring Raúl—I wanted him to break the news to you.’

      Estelle felt her heart turn to ice.

      ‘We’re at the hospital and the doctors say that they’re going to operate tomorrow.’

      ‘Has she put on any weight?’

      ‘She’s lost some,’ Amanda said. ‘But if they don’t operate we’re going to lose her anyway.’

      ‘I’m coming home.’

      ‘Please…’

      ‘How’s Andrew?’

      ‘He’s with her now. He’s actually been really good. He’s sure she’s going to make it through.’

      ‘She will.’

      ‘I don’t think so,’ Amanda admitted, and her sister-in-law who was always so strong, always so positive, finally broke down.

      Estelle said everything she could to comfort her, but knew they were only words, that she needed to be there.

      ‘I’m going to hang up now and book a flight,’ Estelle told her. ‘And I’ll try and sort out my phone.’

      ‘Don’t worry about the phone,’ Amanda said. ‘Just get here.’

      Estelle grabbed her case and started piling clothes in. Getting to the airport and onto a flight was her aim, but the thought of Cecelia, so small and so weak, undergoing something so major was just too overwhelming and it made Estelle suddenly fold over. She sobbed as she never had before—knew that she had to get the tears out now, so she could be strong for Amanda and Andrew.

      Raúl heard her tears as he walked through the apartment and could not stand how much he had hurt her—could not bear that he had done this.

      ‘Estelle…’ He saw the case and knew that she was leaving.

      ‘Don’t worry.’ She didn’t even look at him. ‘The tears aren’t for you. Cecelia has been taken back into hospital. They can’t wait for the surgery any longer…’ She thought of her again, so tiny, and of what would happen to her parents if they lost her. The tears started again. ‘I need to get back to them.’

      ‘I’ll fix it now.’

      He couldn’t not hold her.

      Could not stand the thought of her facing this on her own, not being there beside her.

      He held her in his arms and she wept.

      And he could not fight it any more for he loved her.

      ‘We’ll go now.’

      ‘No.’ She was trying to remember that she was angry, but it felt so good to be held.

      ‘Estelle, I’ve messed up, but I know what I want now. I know…’

      She smelt it then—the cheap musky scent; she felt it creep into her nostrils. She moved out of his arms and looked at him properly, smelt the whisky on his breath and saw the lipstick on his neck.

      ‘It’s not what you think,’ Raúl said.

      ‘You’re telling me what I think, are you?’ Oh, she didn’t need him to teach her to cuss in Spanish! ‘You win, Raúl!’ Her expression revealed her disgust. ‘I’m out of here!’

      The tears stopped. They weren’t for him anyway. She just turned and went on filling her case.

      ‘Estelle—’

      ‘I don’t want to hear it, Raúl.’ She didn’t even raise her voice.

      ‘Okay, not now. We will speak about it on the plane.’

      ‘You’re not coming with me, Raúl.’

      ‘Your brother will think it strange if I do not support you.’

      ‘I’m sure my brother has other things on his mind.’ She looked at him, dishevelled and unshaven, and scorned him with her eyes. ‘Don’t make this worse for me, Raúl.’

      He went to grab her arm, to stop her.

      ‘Don’t touch me!’

      He heard her shout, heard the pain—not just for what was going on with her niece, but for the agony of the betrayal she perceived.

      ‘You can’t leave like this. You’re upset…’

      ‘I’m upset about my niece!’ She looked at him. ‘I would never cry like this over a man who doesn’t love me.’ She didn’t care how much she hurt him now. ‘I’m not your mother, Raúl, I’m not going fall apart, or drive over a cliff-edge because the man I’m married to is a cheat. I’m far stronger than that.’

      She was.

      ‘All I want now is to get home to my niece.’

      He’d lost her. Raúl knew that. Arguing would be worse than futile, for she needed to be with her family urgently.

      ‘I will call my driver and organise a plane.’

      ‘I can sort out transport myself.’ Tears for him were starting now, and she didn’t want Raúl to see—love was not quite so black and white.

      ‘If you take my plane it will get you there sooner,’ Raúl said.

      And it would get her away from him before she broke down—before she told him about the baby…before she weakened.

      It was the only reason she said yes.