LITMIR.BIZ

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my little butterfly,’ she says. I think about pulling away from her, but it feels nice and safe here. So I put my arms around her waist, as far as I can make them go and think that I could stay here like this a long time.

      ‘You do like it here,’ Mrs Reilly says in approval. ‘I told you so.’

      ‘I like it a lot,’ I say to her and turn to Jim, who looks a bit bewildered by the scene that just unfolded.

      I want to show him that I understand how he feels right now, that I know that he’s scared. I want him to know that I feel the same way, most of the time too. But even though it’s scary, it’s going to be okay here. Tess is okay. More than okay. I’ve worked out that she’s kind of wonderful.

      ‘I know how you feel,’ I whisper to him. I stare into his eyes and he looks at me, our eyes locking. Neither of us moves a muscle and it feels like he gets that I’m trying to tell him something important.

      ‘Okay,’ he says and smiles for a second. I run up the stairs and can hear him running up behind me, two steps at a time.

      When we get to the top, I say to him. ‘You’re my Christmas present, you know. I asked Santa for you. And look, here you are.’

      And even though he must think I am barmy, he doesn’t say anything, he just looks away. I can tell that he’s all embarrassed by my declaration. But I don’t care.

      ‘I’m in there.’ I point to my bedroom on the other side of the landing, then open the door to his room. Tess was up in here for ages earlier, I didn’t know what she was doing. But I can see that she was getting the room ready for Jim. It’s like mine, but it has a blue duvet on the bed instead of pink. There aren’t any cushions, but there is a mat on the floor in the shape of a car. And the wallpaper has blue stripes on it.

      I thinks it’s pretty cool.

      ‘It’s a boy’s room,’ I tell him and he sits down on the bed, trying it out for size. ‘Mine is a girl’s room. In pink.’

      He looks at me, head cocked to one side, as if he’s trying to work me out. ‘Do you have to stay here too?’ he finally asks.

      ‘Yes,’ I say, ‘I suppose I do.’

      ‘For how long?’ he asks.

      I shrug. I don’t know the answer to that. But then I surprise myself by saying, ‘I hope it’s forever.’

      He doesn’t like that answer, though. He’s starts to shake his head and the angry look is back on his face again. I didn’t mean to upset him. I’m not sure what I said wrong.

      ‘I’m going home soon. I won’t be here for more than a day or two, you wait and see. My mam says she will come get me when she feels better and gets herself sorted. It will be any day now.’

      ‘Oh, you’re a temporary.’ I say. I’ve seen lots of them over the years. Boys and girls who come for a few days, sometimes as short as one night, until some family member comes by to take them home.

      I haven’t met as many like me, who stay for a long time.

      ‘You’re lucky so. I don’t have a mam,’ I tell him.

      ‘Everyone has a mam,’ he replies, looking doubtful at my statement.

      ‘Not me,’ I say, as my mother’s face jumps into my thoughts, making me a liar.

       I’ll be back later. Don’t you dare leave this house. And don’t break anything.

       Don’t go, mam. Don’t leave me here on my own. I’m scared. I want you.

      I don’t want to talk about mothers any more. ‘Do you like biscuits? Tess has lots of them,’ I say.

      He nods and I’m relieved that he looks happy enough to drop the subject. So we run downstairs to get some. I know Tess will already have the tin out.

      I’ll be back soon, Dee-Dee, I shout to my friend, as I run out the door. She smiles happily to me, telling me to have fun.

      ‘Simon’s a computer, Simon has a brain, you either do what Simon says or else go down the drain.’

      Jim and I are both in stitches as we chant the song over and over, each taking turns on my new computer game.

      Out of all the things Santa put in my pillowcase last night while we were sleeping, this is my favourite. Jim is still marvelling at how Santa knew where to find him at such short notice. He even got the exact same Lego set he’d asked for.

      Santa is magic, I keep telling him. I wish I could see Santa right now to give him a big hug. I hope he liked the biscuits I left out for him. He sure ate lots of them.

      We’ve been playing Simon for most of the day, only stopping for a little bit to have dinner. I’m the best at remembering and I keep beating Jim’s best score, which is driving him mad.

      ‘Have a go, Tess,’ I shout to her. She looks like she’s almost asleep, her head bobbing up and down to her chin.

      ‘I wouldn’t know what to do,’ she splutters.

      ‘It’s easy. It has four different-colour panels. And all you have to do is touch them quickly to copy whatever pattern that Simon sets. Easy peasy.’ I show off my skills and give her a quick demo.

      She gives it a go and Jim and I giggle when she’s out after only a few seconds.

      Then, she throws the game back to me, sitting up with excitement in her chair.

      A movie is starting, it’s in black and white and the song Buffalo Gals fills the room.

      ‘It’s not Christmas till I watch this. It’s a Wonderful Life. My absolute favourite movie of all time. What I wouldn’t do to George Bailey if he came a knocking on this door looking for refuge. I’d not turn him away,’ she sighs. ‘You will both love it …’

      But before she can finish, Jim jumps up, knocking his juice to the ground as he runs out of the room.

      ‘Jim?’ I call after him and he shouts back, ‘I don’t want to play any more.’

      What did I do? I can hear him tearing up the stairs, so I scramble to my feet to follow him.

      ‘I’ll go,’ Tess says, placing her hand gently on my shoulders. I can’t understand what’s happened.

      Tess is gone for ages and I don’t feel much like playing any more. I half-watch the movie, but I can’t concentrate on it. I flick though my new Bunty annual, but even that can’t keep my interest.

      After an age, Tess comes back down. ‘He’ll join us in a bit. Nothing to worry about, I promised you. He’s just a bit lonely for his mam, that’s all. It’s A Wonderful Life is her favourite Christmas movie too, it appears. They always watched it together. So I’m afraid it made him a little homesick.’

      ‘Where is his mam?’ I ask. ‘What’s wrong with her?’ The way Jim talks about her, she’s the perfect mother. So why isn’t she here with him right now?

      ‘She’s not well,’ Tess lowers her voice to a whisper and says, ‘She suffers from her nerves, God love her. She’ll be grand soon enough.’ Tess sighs and starts to mop up the spilled juice with her ever-present tea towel.

      ‘Tell you what, why don’t we open up those chocolates? See if we can take that frown off your little face.’ She says to me.

      I decide that I’ll save some chocolates for Jim too. As I nibble on my favourite soft caramel, I wonder what is worse: having no mother at all or having one, then losing her.

      I don’t have an answer to that.

       4

       If you live to be

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