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      First published in hardback in Great Britain

      by HarperCollins Children’s Books 2013 HarperCollins Children’s Books is a division of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 1 London Bridge Street London, SE1 9GF

      The HarperCollins website address is

      www.harpercollins.co.uk

      Text © David Walliams 2013

      Illustrations © Tony Ross 2013

      David Walliams and Tony Ross assert the moral right to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work.

      Printed and bound in England by

      Clays Ltd, St Ives plc

      All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

      Find out more about HarperCollins and the environment at

      www.harpercollins.co.uk/green

       HarperCollinsPublishers has made every reasonable effort to ensure that any picture content and written content in this ebook has been included or removed in accordance with the contractual and technological constraints in operation at the time of publication.

      Source ISBN:9780007453566

      Ebook Edition © SEPTEMBER 2013 ISBN: 9780007453597

      Version: 2019-10-03

       For my tightly folded bud…

       Thank yous:

      A few very impootment* thankingyous*.

      Firstness*, the greatportant* Tony Ross, for once again bringing my words to life with your fantmazingillicous* illustrawings*.

      Thankingyou* too to the head of children’s books at HarperCollins, Ann-Janine Murtagh, for all your beliefmentness* in me and my boovels*.

      The editor Ruth Alltimes must be thankinged *

      too for her meticuliffilous* editnessment*.

      Kate Clarke and Elorine Grant, thankingyou both for your incrediment* cover and text designyness*.

      The publicimitiousness* for this boovel* was organmented* by Sam White and Geraldine Stroud, thankingyou* ladymen*.

      Thankingyou* too to the desk editor Lily Morgan.

      Finallingness*, a hugalumptious* thankingyou * to my agent Paul Stevens at Independent. You are the bestmentiousness*.

      * Multiple made-up word and phrase ALERTS

      BEWARE.

      THIS IS A

      HORROR STORY.

      WITH QUITE

      A LOT OF

      MADE-UP WORDS.

      Content

       Cover

       Title Page

       Prologue

       9. Tell No One

       10. Urgent Police Business

       11. The Plan

       12. The Counterplan

       13. Impro!

       14. Balls

       15. Bobsleighing Down the Stairs

       16. A Beckoning Hand

       17. Come to Mummy

       18. Gurning Champion

       19. Frozen Paper

       20. Joke-shop Gnashers

       21. Flying Tooth

       22. A Gigantic Trifle

       23. Jet-Powered Bottom

       24.

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