LITMIR.BIZ

      he next morning Tilly was sitting at the kitchen table, reading her mum’s copy of Anne of Green Gables, when Grandad popped his head round the bookshop door. He came and gave Grandma a kiss on the cheek as she simmered gooseberries on the stove, singing under her breath along with the radio.

      ‘Oskar’s here,’ he said to Tilly, smiling. ‘He said you’d promised to help him find a book.’

      ‘Have you never been here before?’ she asked, making Oskar jump a little.

      ‘I didn’t hear you come in,’ he said sheepishly. ‘And yes, of course I’ve been in before; it’s where Mum gets all her Christmas presents. But I’d forgotten how …’ He paused.

      ‘Magical?’ Tilly suggested. ‘Exciting? Beautiful?’

      ‘Yes, but that’s not what I mean. It’s not what it looks like, it’s how it makes you feel, isn’t it? Is there a word that means somewhere adventures live?’

      ‘I don’t think so, but there should be,’ Tilly said.

      ‘But anyway,’ Oskar said, collecting himself, ‘it’s cool, is what I mean. But I haven’t been in for ages. I’m not up this way that much. We have someone else who looks after the café at weekends, and I usually spend the school holidays with my dad.’

      ‘Where does your dad live?’

      ‘In Paris, with my big sister, Emilie.’

      ‘Oh wow, I thought you were going to say south London or something,’ Tilly said. ‘It must be amazing to get to spend the holidays there. I’ve never even been outside of England.’

      ‘Yeah, I guess,’ Oskar said. ‘Paris is pretty cool, but Dad got remarried last summer and Marguerite’s really nice, but now it kind of feels like I’m visiting someone else’s home when I’m there. And Emilie is always out with her friends, so I decided not to go this holiday.’

      ‘How come Emilie lives with your dad?’ Tilly asked.

      ‘She decided to go to college there,’ Oskar explained. ‘She wants to be fluent in French so she can get into university there too. Her boyfriend lives in Paris.’

      ‘Do you miss them?’ Tilly asked.

      ‘Yeah, I guess. I don’t know. I miss my sister more than my dad, I think. Sometimes it feels like I’m in the way when I’m there. Not that I’m not wanted, but that it would be easier if I weren’t there.’ Oskar paused. ‘Do you miss your parents?’ he asked quietly, as though he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to talk about them.

      ‘Mostly it’s almost fine,’ said Tilly, surprising herself at how comfortable she felt talking to Oskar honestly, ‘but every so often I can feel the gap where they should be. It’s not like that all the time, but I’m always aware of it a little bit.’

      ‘What happened to them?’ Oskar asked, still looking at his feet.

      ‘My dad got ill and died. I don’t know many of the details. He had to go abroad for work; he got ill; he died before he could get home. We don’t really know what happened to my mum. She left really soon after I was born without telling Grandma and Grandad or anyone where she was going and she never came back. We haven’t heard from her since.’

      ‘Whoa, that’s like something from a TV show,’ Oskar said, before stopping. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean … It must be horrible. Do you really not know anything?’

      Tilly shrugged. ‘She didn’t leave a note or anything. The police think that maybe she had postnatal depression and she ran away and is living a completely new life somewhere else. They said she might try to make contact at some point, but that I shouldn’t get my hopes up.’

      ‘Do you think about your parents a lot?’

      ‘Kind of. It’s funny because I can’t remember them at all, so it’s hard to miss them or feel sad about them in a very specific way. It’s like feeling sad that you never had a diamond ring, or a unicorn. I feel sad about the idea of them, and knowing that they’re not here, and I hate that I don’t understand why Mum left – but I don’t really have any memories of them as real people. I have this, though.’ Tilly pulled out her necklace from under her jumper and showed Oskar. The small gold bee was no bigger than the nail on Tilly’s thumb.

      ‘Was that your mum’s?’ Oskar asked.

      ‘No, it’s mine but she had one just the same. Hers was a present from my dad and when I was born she had one made for me too.’ Tilly tucked it back into her jumper.

      The shop phone suddenly started ringing and made them both jump.

      ‘Anyway, I’ve never really told anyone else about all of that,’ Tilly said a little awkwardly.

      ‘I’m glad—’ Oskar started, but Tilly cut him off.

      ‘Let’s find a book for English. I need a new one too.’

      Oskar nodded and followed her up the stairs to the children’s floor. Tilly picked out a pile of books for Oskar that she knew were printed on a different kind of paper that made it easier for people with dyslexia to read and placed them in front of him with a flourish.

      While Oskar flicked through them, she went to find A Little Princess and realised the shop stocked several different editions. She looked through some of the different covers, wishing she’d had the chance to talk to her mum about the book. She was sliding the various editions back on to the shelf when, after careful consideration, Oskar settled on a slim book with a black cover and a creepy illustration on the front.

      They took it downstairs

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