LITMIR.BIZ

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Chapter Six

      Eva was running. Faster and faster she ran but her legs were about to buckle from under her. Desperately she tried to escape but something dark and menacing was closing in behind her, so close it was almost touching her.

      She jerked awake drenched in sweat, her body trembling with fear. She sat up, her heart pounding so strongly in her chest she could hardly take a breath. It was always the same horrible dream – the one she’d first had after Paul was killed. Months could go by but Eva always knew the dream was the first sign anxiety had come knocking.

      Rubbing her face, she checked the time to discover it was only five o’clock. Knowing there was no chance of sleep again she climbed out of bed, wrapped herself in her dressing gown, and went down to the kitchen. Her breathing still felt raggedy and her fingers fumbled as she filled the kettle. She glanced at Hamish still curled up in his basket – too early even for him.

      Resisting her usual caffeine fix she opted instead for a soothing camomile tea and carried her cup through to the living room. She opened the blinds and took a seat opposite the window. Taking slow deep breaths she let the darkness and silence wash over her until she began to feel her heartbeat return to normal – a ritual she’d done many times before.

      Eva could pinpoint the exact moment anxiety became part of her life. It had been the moment she opened her front door in the small cottage she and Paul rented near Aviemore to find two police officers on the doorstep. She knew by their sympathetic, sombre expressions it wasn’t going to be good news. Paul had been in an accident and had been taken to hospital. With her heart pounding and stomach churning, Eva lifted Jamie from his bed and bundled him into the back of the police car. Even before they arrived at the hospital in Inverness, Eva was able to guess what had happened.

      Paul had often described to her the joys of skiing off-piste. He said there was no sensation on earth to match the freedom of floating down a remote mountainside on fresh powder. He’d always tried to convince her he was safe, telling her he was avalanche aware and that he had all the right safety equipment. He even quoted statistics – skiing had proportionately fewer fatalities than cycling or swimming.

      After Jamie was born, Eva had made Paul promise not to go off-piste but she knew he hadn’t been able to resist. He’d been with a friend who had managed to call for help but it was too late. By the time they reached the hospital, Paul had died from a head injury after falling and probably hitting a hidden rock. Eva had no chance to see him one last time. All that life, all that energy wiped out in an instant. That night, something deep inside her had shifted – a cold fear had crept in and never really left.

      Although life had moved on, anxiety had stayed as an unwelcome guest. Eva could always feel it, like a cold hand on her shoulder, ready to squeeze fear into her at any moment, a terrible legacy from that day. Since then, Eva had done everything possible to keep life stable and safe for her and Jamie. She knew that had led to her being overprotective, trying to control too much. She didn’t want the unexpected or unknown in her life and yet in the last few days she felt something changing.

      And Eva knew it was because of Ben. He was making her feel different, as if she was stepping out of a shell she had created. She thought about Jamie’s trip and knew she couldn’t put her decision off any longer. Of course she wanted him to go and have an amazing time. As uneasy as it made her feel, she knew she had to try not to give in to her fears. It wasn’t fair on Jamie. Had Ben’s words made a difference? Did knowing he was now next door make her feel more secure in some way? She wasn’t sure.

      What she did know was that life was changing and something deep within her was shifting. Jamie was growing up and she knew she had to try and embrace the change. Eva sat for a long time and finally she felt a sense of calm. Outside she could see the light beginning to reclaim the day. She took a final deep breath and knew it was time to tell Jamie he could go.

      ***

      Ben’s tutorial on thermal physics had just ended and he was back in his office sitting at his desk. It was Friday afternoon and outside darkness was looming so he switched on his small desk lamp for extra light. His office at the university was a tiny, cramped room at the end of a long corridor in the physics building. There was a small window overlooking the quadrangle and just enough room for a desk, a chair, and a bookshelf. Ben loved it.

      Slowly he could start to feel his life in London fade away. Almost as if he was recovering from living in the city, from the constant barrage of sights and sounds that had assaulted his senses every day. He thought about his old life – on and off the tube, the crowds and fumes and the gruelling hours. He had been a cog in a never-ending wheel of money-making madness and he was relieved he was no longer part of it.

      Now he could breathe again, think again. He felt himself slipping back into the life he’d once known but had given up. He was beginning to find his feet again – running workshops and tutorials, preparing lectures – it all came back to him.

      As he felt his old life begin to ebb away, so he began to feel more settled here and that included thinking about Eva Harris. It was slightly unnerving how easily thoughts of her seemed to flow into his mind and invade his thinking. Opening up to her in the past few days and revealing so much about himself had felt alien to him at first. When he arrived here, his plan had been to concentrate on work and keep contact with people to a minimum. But as soon as he was in her presence something changed; he felt a different person.

      He had pondered if the arrangement for Eva to decorate his house was a wise one, but not for long. He knew there was no way he was going to turn down her offer. There was something appealing about the idea of her being around. Just the thought of her in his house made it feel warmer somehow, as if she was breathing new life into it. He told himself he shouldn’t overthink it. She was being friendly and helpful – that was all. Although he hadn’t expected her offer, it didn’t totally surprise him either.

      She had an energy and openness about her that he found compelling. She had genuinely sounded keen to do the work and she clearly knew exactly what she was doing. Plus it would give him time to decide what to do. Whatever his plans for the house it wouldn’t do any harm to have the front room decorated. He had enjoyed sitting and sharing pizza and helping Jamie with his homework far more than he cared to admit. Jamie seemed a great kid, polite and friendly, and he was genuinely looking forward to helping him again and, of course, teaching him to play chess.

      He had no doubt Eva was an amazing mother – that much was obvious and he admired her strength for coping the way she did. He had no intentions of intruding where he wasn’t wanted or needed but he wondered if she missed having someone, if she still grieved for her husband, still longed for him. She had suggested that they had wanted different things but that didn’t mean they hadn’t been committed to each other and nothing could take away the bond of having a child together.

      Eva had come round a couple of days ago and he’d helped her shift the furniture from the front room into the hall where she’d thrown dust sheets over everything. He’d given her back the spare keys and they’d agreed she would come and go when Jamie was at school. This morning he’d noticed she had made a start stripping the wallpaper but he was leaving her to it, not wanting her to think he was checking up on her.

      Managing to drag his thoughts away from Eva he unlocked his drawer and pulled out a pile of essays for marking. He took the first essay from the top and read the first sentence when a knock at the door interrupted him.

      ‘Hi, Ben.’

      Ben looked up and silently cursed when he saw Kat Morgan. A newly minted PhD graduate, she was working under the direction of Professor Drummond and had just started a two-year post to gain experience planning research projects and managing students. Ben was all for ambition, but hers came with a pushiness he had no time for.

      Ben suspected her casual clothes were in fact precisely calculated for maximum effect – her top just low enough to reveal a hint of cleavage, the jeans tight enough to leave little to the imagination. Her dark hair fell below her shoulders and her face was a mask of heavy make-up. When he’d first been introduced to her she had

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