LITMIR.BIZ

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her horror, Kiki felt tears pricking at her eyes again. What was it about her friend falling madly in love that made Kiki feel like a total loser? Just a month ago she’d been proud of her attachment-free sex life. And then Dev had come along. Now she knew for sure that she could feel the kind of mind-blowing passion she thought only existed for others, like Nicola.

      And Kiki couldn’t have him.

      “Okay,” Nicola said, kicking her flip-flops off and dropping down on the sofa beside Kiki. “Talk to me.”

      “It won’t help,” Kiki said stubbornly, stuffing the last of the cookie into her mouth.

      “Neither will eating your way into oblivion,” Nicola pointed out, using her toe to push the package away from Kiki. “Or keeping everything bottled up inside.”

      Kiki snorted. “It’s kind of what I do—you should know that by now. Talking might help some people, but it doesn’t help me.”

      “I guess that explains why we’ve been living together for nearly seven months and you still haven’t told me why your marriage ended,” Nicola said archly.

      “I told you exactly what happened. Jack was a world-class prick,” Kiki responded, turning her face away. No—that was not a conversation Kiki was willing to have right now, if ever. “Anyway, it’s not true that I don’t tell you anything. I told you all about my sad-luck childhood that night we drank way too much tequila. And it didn’t make me feel any better, FYI. Just saying.”

      “That’s because you had a hangover the size of planet Earth the next day. Just saying,” Nicola retorted. “Now tell me what’s going on with you. You’ve been acting weird ever since that night at Dev’s—which is understandable,” she added quickly. “I mean, I was traumatized, too. But it does make me wonder, is it those slimeballs that’ve still got you down, or is it Dev?”

      “Dev? I’m a little smarter than that, but thanks. Even if I was looking for a boyfriend—which I’m definitely not—he’s pretty much the last person on earth I’d get involved with.”

      “Oh, yeah? And why is that?”

      “Why? Are you even—”

      “Dev is a good guy, Kiki—he’s Alex’s brother! And you like him.” She shook her head. “I mean, have you ever noticed that the term rock star is not synonymous with single? Have you ever noticed that they get married and have kids just like everyone—”

      Kiki felt herself flush. “Oh, my God! Will you please shut the fuck up?” She took a deep breath. Dev was only one of her problems, and Nicola clearly wasn’t going to let up until she spilled something to her. “Okay, fine. It’s...it’s my mother.”

      Nicola looked at her in shock. “Your mother?”

      Kiki nodded rapidly to stop the threatening tears. There were only three people she’d ever shared the story of her mother with—her ex-husband, her high school best friend Laina, and, during a late-night drinkfest years ago in LA, Nicola. “Yes. I... I think I might have found her.”

      Nicola jumped up excitedly. “Oh, my God! Are you serious? That’s amazing! How? Where is she? Have you gotten in touch—”

      “No, no, no.” Kiki waved an impatient hand. “This just came up. I found a website for a real estate agency, and one of the agents is named Victoria O’Hare. That’s her maiden name, and it’s possible she stopped going by Vicky. And—I don’t know, but there’s a photo of her. The last picture I have of her is from twenty-four years ago, but...this woman has red hair.” Kiki shook her head and then dropped it into her hands. “I’m terrified, Nic,” she said through her fingers. “Freaking terrified. I wish I never looked. I didn’t—for two years I didn’t, and then I had to go and start again.”

      “That’s because she’s half of you,” Nicola said gently, placing a hand on Kiki’s arm. “You moved here to heal, but this place also allowed you to bury the things in your life you didn’t want to look at. But they come back—they always come back. You need closure with her.”

      “But what if she wants nothing to do with me? I’m too scared to email her. What if she doesn’t write back? Or what if I scare her off and she goes into hiding again? What—what if she just doesn’t want to hear from me? I mean, she knows my name—she named me! If she wanted anything to do with me, she could have reached out anytime. It’s been twenty-four years, and nothing.”

      “Oh, honey...” Nicola reached for her hand. “You for a daughter? She doesn’t know what she’s missing.”

      Tears flooded Kiki’s eyes. “But that’s the whole point—she does! She’s the one who left me, remember? I was six years old. She knew exactly what she was doing.”

      “But she didn’t leave you alone,” Nicola reminded her. “She knew you had your father, and he’s an amazing dad. Listen...” She tightened her grip on Kiki’s hand. “You need to meet with her in person—just show up at her work and force her to see you. I’ll go with you, okay? Where is she? She’s not still in Atlanta, is she?”

      “That’s the thing.” Kiki shook her head in disbelief. “This woman is in Sydney, of all places. As in Australia. Which makes me think it can’t be her—why would she travel so far, unless it was to get as far away from me as possible?”

      Nicola looked thoughtful. “Well, that is strange,” she admitted. “But it could happen. People end up all over the world for all sorts of different reasons. Just look at us—a couple of girls from the States. Who would have thought we’d end up living in the middle of the Caribbean?”

      “Yeah, I guess so...” When Kiki pulled her T-shirt up to dab at her eyes, Nicola went to the kitchen to grab her a paper towel. Then she sank down on the sofa beside her again. “What?” Kiki asked when she felt her friend’s eyes on the side of her face.

      “Just waiting, that’s all. There’s something else you’re not telling me.”

      “My God, you’re a pain in the ass.” Kiki sighed deeply. “Okay. This is kind of crazy, but Dev offered me a job today. His tour assistant just quit and he needs a new one. Would you please stop fucking smiling?” Kiki threw her hands up in annoyance. “I said no, of course. But here’s the crazy part. His tour will take him to Sydney. And I—I really can’t afford to go otherwise. I mean, to spend that kind of money to go and check out a remote possibility? It’s just not going to happen on my bartending tips.”

      “So it’s a sign!” Nicola said, clapping her hands together. “Come on—you have to accept!”

      “But I can’t! It’s—it’s Dev! We had a...a thing, and that messes everything up. I mean, watching him get swarmed by groupies for weeks on end? No thank you. And besides, I have a life here...” she ended weakly, thinking that did have a life here felt more accurate right now.

      “Listen, sweetie. I know it might not be the perfect scenario, but this is a lifetime opportunity. Eventually you have to get back to the real world anyway, and this is your chance to start a new career. Remember—the Kiki I met in LA was a go-getter with big career goals! But more important, this is a chance to find your mother, and you can’t pass that up. No matter what may or may not happen between you and Dev,” she added when she saw the protest forming on Kiki’s face.

      Oh, God. Nicola was right, Kiki knew, but just the thought of it—leaving the safety of her island world and her easygoing job, working side by side with Dev, confronting the woman who had abandoned her as a child—was enough to tie her stomach in knots.

      “You are a survivor,” Nicola went on, her voice strong with emotion. “And you’ve never been one to take the safe route. Even if I don’t know the details of what happened between you and Jack, I know that by moving here and shaking your life up, you took a huge risk to find happiness. This might scare you more than anything you’ve ever done, but fear won’t stop

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