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“And if she were older,” Nate said, “I would agree with you. But Ahn’s only two, and David and Janet were her parents for six short months. She isn’t going to remember them, much less you or me. She needs to bond with her new parents. She doesn’t need any interference from us.”
His reference to Ahn’s age hit home.
Hallie had been two years older than Ahn when her mother died of breast cancer, yet any personal memories of her mother were vague at best. But what she did have were the memories Janet had shared with her.
Janet, who had been eight when their mother died, had been her memory keeper.
And though Janet never intended for Hallie to raise Ahn, it only seemed right that Ahn should have a memory keeper, too. Hallie was determined to remain Ahn’s aunt so Ahn would never doubt how much Janet loved her.
“If you can pretend Ahn never existed after the readoption, good for you,” Hallie told Nate. “But I can’t. I don’t intend to interfere in her life, but I don’t like the idea of handing her over to strangers without keeping tabs on her. I owe Janet that much.”
“That’s guilt talking over reason, Hallie,” Nate said.
“Maybe,” Hallie admitted. “But now that Greg told us about Ahn’s trust fund I feel even more strongly about staying in touch with her. Someone has to look out for her interests.”
Greg cleared his throat. “I should have made myself clear about the trust fund. The adoptive parents won’t have access to that money. Only Ahn can access it when she reaches legal age.”
“I’m not worried about the money, Greg,” Hallie said. “I’m trying to point out that eventually Ahn will know that Janet and David were her first adoptive parents. Don’t you think she’ll wonder why Janet and David’s family didn’t care enough about her to stay in touch?”
“Again,” Nate said, “you’re letting your heart overrule your head. David and Janet knew all you and I had to offer this child was choosing the best possible parents to raise her. Don’t intrude on Ahn’s life to ease your conscience. An occasional call or a card now and then, and birthday and Christmas presents aren’t worth it.”
Hallie felt like slapping him.
He’d lectured her once, but those days were over. What she did was none of Nate’s damn business!
Hallie turned to Greg. “If Nate doesn’t want to maintain contact with Ahn after the readoption, that’s his prerogative. But I intend to remain a part of Ahn’s life, regardless of how small that part is.”
“Then you need to be prepared that finding parents who agree to that condition might add another stumbling block to the process,” Greg said. “Most adoptive parents prefer no major ties with the child’s past.”
“I’m prepared to take that chance.”
“How much of a stumbling block?” Nate asked.
Greg shrugged. “There’s no way of knowing until we start interviewing parents and see if Hallie maintaining contact is a deal breaker.”
“And if it’s a deal breaker,” Hallie said with confidence, “that’s my proof they aren’t the right parents.”
She looked back at Nate for his comeback.
A muscle in his jaw twitched, but Nate dropped the subject.
Greg pushed another document toward them. “This is a form from the private adoption agency we’ll be working with that specifies the requirements a couple must meet before you’ll consider them as parents. That’s why I asked you to meet with Deb Langston this morning. She’ll help you fill out the questionnaire and you can drop it off with my assistant after your appointment. The agency can’t begin screening parents until they have the information.”
Hallie reached out, picked up the questionnaire and placed it in her purse. But she was dreading their next appointment even more than she’d dreaded this one.
Dr. Deborah Langston was the child psychologist Janet and David had been working with since the adoption to help Ahn acclimate to her new surroundings. What worried Hallie was Dr. Langston picking up on the underlying tension between her and Nate.
Hallie was in no mood to do any explaining. And she knew that went double for Nate.
Nate wasn’t the talk-it-all-out type. His guard was always up like some badge of honor—never letting anyone too close, hanging back and keeping his distance. He’d even been that way with David to a certain extent, although David had never let Nate get away with it.
Hallie couldn’t count the number of times she’d seen David grab Nate in a bear hug and tell his brother he loved him. Nate had always grimaced and never hugged back. But Hallie knew Nate loved his brother.
He obviously had issues but they were his.
Hallie had her own emotional issues to worry about. The next few months were going to be horrific, and the last thing Hallie needed was some psychologist probing into the complex nature of their relationship. She was one second away from asking Greg if he could have the psychologist fill out the questionnaire without a meeting being necessary when Greg glanced at his watch.
“It’s only nine-thirty,” he said. “You’ll have a few minutes to grab a cup of coffee in the lobby if you want.” He pushed a business card forward. “I made your appointment for ten o’clock. Dr. Langston’s office is on the sixth floor. That’s her suite number.”
Greg stood, picked up his folder and circled the table. He shook hands with Nate who stood as well. “Just remember,” he said, “Ahn is the real victim here. Her best interest has to come first.”
Those words made Hallie wince.
What a selfish, hypocritical bitch she was. She’d just debated with Nate, spouting her concern for Ahn, when she hadn’t been thinking about Ahn at all. She’d only been thinking about herself. And yes, as Nate accused, trying to soothe her guilty conscience.
It killed Hallie knowing she hadn’t spent more time with Janet and Ahn while Janet was alive. She’d been too busy. Too busy to spend time with the sister she loved and the niece she didn’t even know. If only she could turn back the clock.
If only.
Greg’s hand rested on Hallie’s shoulder again. “Don’t worry, we’ll find the right parents. Call me if you need anything. Otherwise, I’ll be in touch when I have potential couples for you to interview.”
We’ll find the right parents.
How Hallie prayed that was true.
She was Ahn’s aunt. She was never meant to be her mother. But she’d be a better aunt than mere calls and cards and presents as Nate accused. She’d be there for Ahn, just as Janet had always been there for Hallie. And her heart overruling her head had nothing to do with it.
It was the right thing to do.
CHAPTER TWO
WHEN THEY WALKED into the elevator and Hallie pushed the button for the sixth floor, Nate knew they would not be going down to the lobby for coffee before their meeting as Greg suggested. But that was okay.
Flying under the radar was Nate’s main goal.
He’d been trying to keep the peace. And he’d been trying to avoid as much confrontation with Hallie as possible from the moment he’d arrived in Boston.
It hadn’t been easy.
One minute Nate was amazed at Hallie’s resolve, the next minute he wanted to shake her. She’d blindsided him when she’d told Greg she wanted to stay in touch with Ahn.
That