LITMIR.BIZ

Скачать книгу

quick glance, then follows.)

      JOE: Look, I know this is scary for you. But try to understand what it means to me. Will you try?

      HARPER: Yes.

      JOE: Good. Really try.

       I think things are starting to change in the world.

      HARPER: But I don’t want—

      JOE: Wait. For the good. Change for the good. America has rediscovered itself. Its sacred position among nations. And people aren’t ashamed of that like they used to be. This is a great thing. The truth restored. Law restored. That’s what President Reagan’s done, Harper. He says: “Truth exists and can be spoken proudly.” And the country responds to him. We become better. More good. I need to be a part of that, I need something big to lift me up. I mean, six years ago the world seemed in decline, horrible, hopeless, full of unsolvable problems and crime and confusion and hunger and—

      HARPER: But it still seems that way. More now than before. They say the ozone layer is—

      JOE: Harper . . .

      HARPER: And today out the window on Atlantic Avenue there was a schizophrenic traffic cop who was making these—

      JOE: Stop it! I’m trying to make a point.

      HARPER: So am I.

      JOE: You aren’t even making sense, you—

      HARPER: My point is the world seems just as—

      JOE: It only seems that way to you because you never go out in the world, Harper, and you have emotional problems.

      HARPER: I do so get out in the world.

      JOE: You don’t. You stay in all day, fretting about imaginary—

      HARPER: I get out. I do. You don’t know what I do.

      JOE: You don’t stay in all day.

      HARPER: No.

      JOE: Well . . . Yes you do.

      HARPER: That’s what you think.

      JOE: Where do you go?

      HARPER: Where do you go? When you walk.

       (Pause, then very angry) And I DO NOT have emotional problems.

      JOE: I’m sorry.

      HARPER: And if I do have emotional problems it’s from living with you. Or—

      JOE: I’m sorry, buddy, I didn’t mean to—

      HARPER: Or if you do think I do then you should never have married me. You have all these secrets and lies.

      JOE: I want to be married to you, Harper.

      HARPER: You shouldn’t. You never should.

       (Pause)

       Hey, buddy. Hey, buddy.

      JOE: Buddy kiss.

       (They kiss.)

      HARPER: I heard on the radio how to give a blowjob.

      JOE: What?

      HARPER: You want to try?

      JOE: You really shouldn’t listen to stuff like that.

      HARPER: Mormons can give blowjobs.

      JOE: Harper.

      HARPER (Imitating his tone): Joe.

       It was a little Jewish lady with a German accent. This is a good time. For me to make a baby.

       (Little pause. Joe turns away from her, then leaves the living room.)

      HARPER: Then they went on to a program about holes in the ozone layer. Over Antarctica. Skin burns, birds go blind, icebergs melt. The world’s coming to an end.

       Scene 6

      First week of November. In the men’s room of the offices of the Brooklyn Federal Court of Appeals. Louis is crying over the sink; Joe enters.

      JOE: Oh, um . . . Morning.

      LOUIS: Good morning, Counselor.

      JOE (He watches Louis cry): Sorry, I . . . I don’t know your name.

      LOUIS: Don’t bother. Word processor. The lowest of the low.

      JOE (Holding out his hand): Joe Pitt. I’m with Justice Wilson.

      LOUIS: Oh, I know that. Counselor Pitt. Chief Clerk.

      JOE: Were you . . . Are you OK?

      LOUIS: Oh, yeah. Thanks. What a nice man.

      JOE: Not so nice.

      LOUIS: What?

      JOE: Not so nice. Nothing. You sure you’re—

      LOUIS: Life sucks shit. Life . . . just sucks shit.

      JOE: What’s wrong?

      LOUIS: Run in my nylons.

      JOE: Sorry . . .?

      LOUIS: Forget it. Look, thanks for asking.

      JOE: Well . . .

      LOUIS: I mean it really is nice of you.

       (He starts crying again)

       Sorry, sorry. Sick friend . . .

      JOE: Oh, I’m sorry.

      LOUIS: Yeah, yeah, well, that’s sweet.

       Three of your colleagues have preceded you to this baleful sight and you’re the first one to ask. The others just opened the door, saw me, and fled. I hope they had to pee real bad.

      JOE (Handing him a wad of toilet paper): They just didn’t want to intrude.

      LOUIS: Hah. Reaganite heartless macho asshole lawyers.

      JOE: Oh, that’s unfair.

      LOUIS: What is? Heartless? Macho? Reaganite? Lawyer?

      JOE: I voted for Reagan.

      LOUIS: You did?

      JOE: Twice.

      LOUIS: Twice? Well, oh boy. A Gay Republican.

      JOE: Excuse me?

      LOUIS: Nothing.

      JOE: I’m not—

       Forget it.

      LOUIS: Republican? Not Republican? Or . . .

      JOE: What?

      LOUIS: What?

      JOE: Not gay. I’m not gay.

      LOUIS: Oh. Sorry.

       (Blows his nose loudly) It’s just—

      JOE: Yes?

      LOUIS: Well, sometimes you can tell from the way a person sounds, that—I mean you sound like a—

      JOE: No I don’t.

       Like what?

      LOUIS: Like a Republican.

       (Little pause. Joe knows he’s being teased; Louis knows he knows. Joe decides to be a little brave.)

      JOE: Do I? Sound like a . . .?

      LOUIS: What? Like a . . .? Republican, or . . .?

       Do I?

      JOE: Do you what?

      LOUIS: Sound like a . . .?

      JOE: Like a . . .?

       I’m . . . confused.

      LOUIS: Yes.

       My name is Louis. But all my friends call me Louise. I work in Word Processing. Thanks for the toilet paper.

      

Скачать книгу