LITMIR.BIZ

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      LOUIS: Will you stop.

      PRIOR: Don’t you think I’m handling this well?

       I’m going to die.

      LOUIS: Bullshit.

      PRIOR: Let go of my arm.

      LOUIS: No.

      PRIOR: Let go.

      LOUIS (Grabbing Prior, embracing him ferociously): No.

      PRIOR: I can’t find a way to spare you, baby. No wall like the wall of hard scientific fact. K.S. Wham. Bang your head on that.

      LOUIS: Fuck you. (Letting go) Fuck you fuck you fuck you.

      PRIOR: Now that’s what I like to hear. A mature reaction.

       Let’s go see if the cat’s come home.

       Louis?

      LOUIS: When did you find this?

      PRIOR: I couldn’t tell you.

      LOUIS: Why?

      PRIOR: I was scared, Lou.

      LOUIS: Of what?

      PRIOR: That you’ll leave me.

      LOUIS: Oh.

       (Little pause.)

      PRIOR: Bad timing, funeral and all, but I figured as long as we’re on the subject of death.

      LOUIS: I have to go bury my grandma.

      PRIOR: Lou?

       (Pause)

       Then you’ll come home?

      LOUIS: Then I’ll come home.

       Scene 5

      Same day. Split scene: Joe and Harper at home, as before; Louis at the cemetery after his family has gone, lingering behind, staring down at Sarah Ironson’s coffin in her open grave.

      HARPER: Washington?

      JOE: It’s an incredible honor, buddy, and—

      HARPER: I have to think.

      JOE: Of course.

      HARPER: Say no.

      JOE: You said you were going to think about it.

      HARPER: I don’t want to move to Washington.

      JOE: Well I do.

      HARPER: It’s a giant cemetery, huge white graves and mausoleums everywhere.

      JOE: We could live in Maryland. Or Georgetown.

      HARPER: We’re happy here.

      JOE: That’s not really true, buddy, we—

      HARPER: Well happy enough! Pretend-happy. That’s better than nothing.

      JOE: It’s time to make some changes, Harper.

      HARPER: No changes. Why?

      JOE: I’ve been chief clerk for four years. I make twenty-nine-thousand dollars a year. That’s ridiculous. I graduated fourth in my class and I make less than anyone I know. And I’m . . . I’m tired of being a clerk, I want to go where something good is happening.

      HARPER: Nothing good happens in Washington. We’ll forget church teachings and buy furniture at, at, Conran’s and become yuppies. I have too much to do here.

      JOE: Like what?

      HARPER: I do have things.

      JOE: What things?

      HARPER: I have to finish painting the bedroom.

      JOE: You’ve been painting in there for over a year.

      HARPER: I know, I— It just isn’t done because I never get time to finish it.

      JOE: Oh that’s . . . That doesn’t make sense. You have all the time in the world. You could finish it when I’m at work.

      HARPER: I’m afraid to go in there alone.

      JOE: Afraid of what?

      HARPER: I heard someone in there. Metal scraping on the wall. A man with a knife, maybe.

      JOE: There’s no one in the bedroom, Harper.

      HARPER: Not now.

      JOE: Not this morning either.

      HARPER: How do you know? You were at work this morning.

       There’s something creepy about this place. Remember Rosemary’s Baby?

      JOE: Rosemary’s Baby?

      HARPER: Our apartment looks like that one. Wasn’t that apartment in Brooklyn?

      JOE: No, it was—

      HARPER: Well, it looked like this. It did.

      JOE: Then let’s move.

      HARPER: Georgetown’s worse. The Exorcist was in Georgetown.

      JOE: The devil, everywhere you turn, huh, buddy.

      HARPER: Yeah. Everywhere.

      JOE: How many pills today, buddy?

      HARPER: None. One. Three. Only three.

       (At the cemetery: Rabbi Isidor Chemelwitz, heading home, walks past Louis, who is still staring into the grave. Louis stops the Rabbi with a question.)

      LOUIS: Why are there just two little wooden pegs holding the lid down?

      RABBI ISIDOR CHEMELWITZ: So she can get out easier if she wants to.

      LOUIS: I hope she stays put.

       I pretended for years that she was already dead. When they called to say she had died it was a surprise. I abandoned her.

      RABBI ISIDOR CHEMELWITZ: “Sharfer vi di tson fun a shlang iz an umdankbar kind!”

      LOUIS: I don’t speak Yiddish.

      RABBI ISIDOR CHEMELWITZ: “Sharper than the serpent’s tooth is the ingratitude of children.” Shakespeare. Kenig Lear.

      LOUIS: Rabbi, what does the Holy Writ say about someone who abandons someone he loves at a time of great need?

      RABBI ISIDOR CHEMELWITZ: Why would a person do such a thing?

      LOUIS: Because he has to.

       Maybe because this person’s sense of the world, that it will change for the better with struggle, maybe a person who has this neo-Hegelian positivist sense of constant historical progress towards happiness or perfection or something, who feels very powerful because he feels connected to these forces, moving uphill all the time . . . Maybe that person can’t, um, incorporate sickness into his sense of how things are supposed to go. Maybe vomit . . . and sores and disease . . . really frighten him, maybe . . . he isn’t so good with death.

      RABBI ISIDOR CHEMELWITZ: The Holy Scriptures have nothing to say about such a person.

      LOUIS: Rabbi, I’m afraid of the crimes I may commit.

      RABBI ISIDOR CHEMELWITZ: Please, mister. I’m a sick old rabbi facing a long drive home to the Bronx. You want to confess, better you should find a priest.

      LOUIS: But I’m not a Catholic, I’m a Jew.

      RABBI ISIDOR CHEMELWITZ: Worse luck for you, bubbulah. Catholics believe in Forgiveness. Jews believe in Guilt.

       (The Rabbi turns to leave.)

      LOUIS: You just make sure those pegs are in good and tight.

       (The Rabbi stops, looks down into the grave, then at Louis:)

      RABBI ISIDOR CHEMELWITZ: Don’t worry, mister. The life she had, she’ll stay put. She’s better off.

      

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