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      Sin

      Mum called Alan! Philip! Teas ready!

      I didnt want Uncle Alan to stay for tea but I couldnt stop it because Uncle Alan was staying for tea most days now.

      Mum had made a chilli sin carne. Mum says chilli sin carne is a chilli without meat and Mums Weight Watchers cookbook says SIN means without in Spanish which is what they speak in Mexico where chilli comes from. And CON means with and carne means meat and she made it with Tofu instead of meat because it has less fat and Uncle Alan was talking non stop just words words words.

      You arent SAFE here on your own.

      What if it happens again.

      Brian would want you to be SAFE.

      I could sleep in the spare room.

      Dont mind my place I could rent it out.

      Get more money.

      See theres method in my madness.

      Id be an extra pair of hands.

      I wont be under your feet.

      Im at the Garage most of the hours God sends.

      Ill work at the Garage all day and help with the Pub at night.

      It would be the easiest thing in the world.

      And Dads Ghost was standing by the cooker and watching Uncle Alan do his half smile and his eyes which poured into Mum.

      Dads Ghost said to me He sits there smiling. That evil villain sits there smiling. Trying to worm his way in like a maggot. Smiling smiling smiling. Look at him Philip. Look at him. Smiling damned villain.

      I looked at him. I looked at his hands with the black on them and they were over Mums hands.

      Mum looked at me looking and then looked at my plate and said Arent you going to eat that?

      And I said No.

      Mum said Philip youll waste away.

      And Uncle Alan said Go on Philip do as your Mum says. Get it eaten.

      And I looked at Dads Ghost and I thought he was going to say dont eat it but he didnt. He said Eat it Philip youll need your strength.

      And so I picked up my fork and started to eat and Mum smiled at Uncle Alan thinking he had got me to eat it and that made me so mad and Dads Ghost could see it made me so mad but Mum couldnt see it like my mood was a ghost. She couldnt see it and before I knew what was happening the plate of chilli was flying through Dads Ghost and crashing into the unit door and there was chilli sin carne all over the floor.

      That turned the room into a photo. Mum and Uncle Alan and even Dads Ghost didnt move. They just stood or sat and made their mouths into an O. And I went out of the room and heard Mum say Philip! Philip! Come back!

      But I didnt come back. I went into my room and my Dads Ghost went too.

      I shut the bedroom door and Dads Ghost said What are you doing?

      I said I hate him.

      Dads Ghost said You have to calm down. You have to stay in control.

      I said I cant I hate him I cant.

      And there was a knock on the door and Mum said Philip?

      She opened it and said Philip who on Earth are you talking to?

      And Uncle Alan was standing behind her in his blue shirt with the popper buttons and he was looking at me and into me but I didnt let him see the things I knew not like Mum who lets him see everything in her eyes.

      And Mum said Philip whats going on? Is this about your father?

      And I looked at Dads Ghost and said Dont know.

      And she asked me lots of questions and I just kept saying Dont know.

      Dont know.

      Dont know.

      Dont know.

      Dont know.

      Dont know.

      Until she said Fine and went back to the kitchen with Uncle Alan and cleaned up the mess and Dads Ghost went to watch them and I listened at the door and just heard Mumbles but I knew the Mumbles were about me.

      And I knew that Uncle Alan was going to stay in the spare room and I knew Mum wanted him to and I knew it was all my fault.

      And I couldnt help it. I went out of the bedroom and into the kitchen and Dads Ghost was there shaking his head saying No.

      But I couldnt help it and I said Its him its him its him!!!