LITMIR.BIZ

      USING THIS BOOK

      The book opens with an essay, Reflections on Marriage, which is just that—a discussion of the meaning and attributes of marriage, its emotional and spiritual dimensions. Although this is meant to be a reflective meditation on the undertaking of marriage, a way for you to prepare yourself for creating your ceremony, a great many people have found it such an inspirational statement about the meaning of marriage that they have chosen to use it, virtually unmodified, as the “address” in their wedding ceremony. I have included the essay so that whether you're using it as inspiration for planning your wedding or as part of the wedding itself, its message it will open your heart to the deeper meanings of your marriage ceremony. The book then discusses the meaning of the various parts of the wedding ceremony so you can begin to determine which ones you wish to include.

      It next offers five complete contemporary ceremonies, which reflect most accurately, I believe, what a wedding and marriage itself mean in the emotional and spiritual environment we are living in at the close of this twentieth century. They can be used by any couple who choose to honor their union by getting married, no matter what their sexual or lifestyle preference may be. Although none of the ceremonies has been written specifically for the gay or lesbian couple, all have been used, with slight variations, in gay and lesbian weddings. It is relationship itself that we are celebrating here, not the specific configuration of it. The focus is on the power of love to bind us together; to transcend the differences that all too often divide us, and I have chosen, therefore, not to “ghettoize” gay and lesbian relationships by creating a categorically different ceremony for them.

      Although each ceremony stands complete in itself, as you study them all you may find that you'd like to use a single one in its entirety or combine selections from several. To assist you in the process, I also have included a civil ceremony, as well as an array of vows, benedictions, and readings from a wide variety of traditions. Those that bear no specific attribution have been written by me. These, too, you can use as is, or modify to accommodate your taste and circumstances. For example, you may want to use the traditional Methodist convocation, then move to selections from this book for the readings, consecration, address, vows, and exchanging of the rings, then perhaps conclude with the traditional benediction of your church. Or, you may want to begin with one of the convocations offered here, have your officiant give his or her own address, use the traditional broken glass of the Jewish faith, and conclude with the Catholic benediction. (In this regard you will note that I have chosen not to include either an entire Roman Catholic or Jewish ceremony, since these are readily available from your parish or synagogue, and they are always performed by a priest or rabbi, with very little room for variation.)

      These selections are followed by Ceremonial Flourishes, personal touches that others have added to their weddings and that you may wish to include or adapt to add a special touch to your own.

      And, finally, the book contains worksheets to help you formulate your ceremony. This is where you can work out the exact selections for the various parts of your ceremony by following the general format laid out in the worksheets, and inserting such portions as you select in the appropriate place.

      Don't be afraid to be adventurous. One kind of mood will be created by relying on tradition, another by using something brandnew; the combination will be unique, inspiring. Certain feelings will be invoked by delving into family and religious traditions, but you are also making something new here—your own wedding. In so doing, you are creating a synthesis of all the traditions you hold dear, as well as an embodiment of the hopes and aspirations which, through your marriage, you hope to bring to fulfillment.

      By hand-tailoring your wedding, you can create an occasion that will give you the greatest sense of joy in recalling. In choosing all the elements with care, and in saying words that come from your heart, you will touch the hearts of all those who share this precious day with you and make yours a truly unforgettable wedding.