LITMIR.BIZ

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discussion! Someday I'll expound

      on whether this is proper verse; I'll turn

      for now to asking whether your concern

      should be perceived as having any force.95

      With pamphlets in their hands and badly hoarse,

      fierce Sulcius and Caprius police

      the streets so frightened thugs will keep the peace,

      but anyone at all whose hands were clean

      and led a life of virtue could demean100

      the two of them. If, hypothetically,

      you were to take on the mentality

      of thieves like Birrius and Caelius,

      I never would become like Caprius

      and Sulcius. Why should I be that scary?105

      There is no shop or pillar that would carry

      my small books so that Hermogenes

      Tigellius and customers would seize

      them with their sweaty paws, and I recite

      just for my friends—and just to be polite—110

      not anywhere in any public space.

      While at the baths or at the marketplace,

      a lot of people like to perorate;

      enclosures let their voices resonate.

      This pleases fools, not those who want to see115

      some sentiment and musicality.

      “You love inflicting pain,” the people say,

      “and choose to do it in a vicious way.”

      What causes you to hurl this allegation?

      Which of my peers provides substantiation?120

      The man who knocks a friend behind his back,

      who stands aside when enemies attack,

      who seeks huge laughs and status as a jokester,

      who can invent a tale to be a hoaxster

      and who can never keep a confidence,125

      he's dark! Romans, maintain your vigilance

      with him! When dining you will often find

      three couches where twelve people have reclined

      and in that group there is a single guest

      who always loves to piss upon the rest—130

      except the host who waters down the wine—

      though later he'll stop being so benign

      once he is properly intoxicated

      and all his private thoughts are liberated

      by Liber, god of truth and liberties.135

      You, who “despise” blackhearted men as these,

      yet still consider them kind, frank and witty,

      do I appear intemperate or snitty

      to you because I have been laughing, since

      “refined Rufillus always reeks of mints;140

      Gargonius of goat”? So if you'd heard

      some mention of corruption that occurred

      involving someone called Petillius

      Capitolinus, you would shill, as this

      is what your habit is.

      “He's been a friend145

      and colleague since our childhood. He would lend

      a hand when asked, and I am pleased to see

      he's living in the city problem-free,

      although, however, I am mystified

      that he could beat the rap when he was tried.”150

      This is pure bile, the octopus' ink;

      I'll ban this vice from all I write and think,

      and if, as in the past, I can declare

      one thing about myself, it's this I swear:

      if I am blunt, or overridicule,155

      you should apply to me a lenient rule.

      The best of fathers would ingrain in me

      the need to label immorality

      with actual examples. When he tried

      to teach me cheapness (being satisfied160

      with what he was providing me), he'd say,

      “See how young Albius has thrown away

      his life, and Baius knows financial woe?

      A fine example why one mustn't blow

      one's patrimony!”

       To excoriate165

      those slobbering for whores:

       “Don't imitate

      Scetanus!”

      To discourage hot pursuit

      of married women who are dissolute

      though these affairs are thought legitimate:

      “Trebonius was found while doing it;170

      his name's not good.”

      He'd say, “One who is wise

      will always be inclined to theorize

      about what's best to seek and to reject.

      For me it is enough if I protect

      the standards your forefathers have maintained175

      and if I keep your name and life unstained

      while you still need me to remain on guard.

      Once time has made your mind and limbs more hard,

      you'll swim unaided.”

      As a boy, he'd mold

      me with remarks like these, and if he told180

      me to begin some kind of undertaking:

      “There are good reasons for the choice you're making”

      (as he exposed some person singled out

      for his assessment).

      To create some doubt:

      “Whenever so-and-so is under fire185

      from adverse reports, must you inquire any further as to if this deed produces shame and nothing that you need?”

      Just as a neighbor's death will terrify

      a housebound glutton who, afraid to die,190

      determines that he must improve his ways,

      a young and fragile spirit often stays

      away from vice when others speak their minds.

      From this experience, I lack the kinds

      of character deficiencies that cause195

      disasters (though I'm stuck with smaller flaws

      you should forgive).

      Perhaps I'll be set free

      to some extent by more maturity,

      a candid friend or personal reflection

      for I do not need more introspection200

      while on my couch or at the colonnade:

      “This is more just.”

      “If this decision's made, I'll lead a better life.”

       “This choice will go down well with friends.”

       “This move by so-and-so was unattractive.”

      “Would I ever make205

      this

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