LITMIR.BIZ

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'Oh! Is that it?' said the schoolmaster. 'That explains it at once. I was wondering what the devil you were going to send them to

       Yorkshire for. Ha! ha! Oh, I understand now.'

       'You see I have married the mother,' pursued Snawley; 'it's expensive keeping boys at home, and as she has a little money in her own right, I am afraid (women are so very foolish, Mr Squeers) that she might be led to squander it on them, which would be their ruin, you know.'

       'I see,' returned Squeers, throwing himself back in his chair, and waving his hand.

       'And this,' resumed Snawley, 'has made me anxious to put them to some school a good distance off, where there are no holidays-- none of those ill-judged coming home twice a year that unsettle children's minds so--and where they may rough it a little--you comprehend?'

       'The payments regular, and no questions asked,' said Squeers, nodding his head.

       'That's it, exactly,' rejoined the other. 'Morals strictly attended to, though.'

       'Strictly,' said Squeers.

       'Not too much writing home allowed, I suppose?' said the father-in-law, hesitating.

       'None, except a circular at Christmas, to say they never were so happy, and hope they may never be sent for,' rejoined Squeers.

       'Nothing could be better,' said the father-in-law, rubbing his hands.

       'Then, as we understand each other,' said Squeers, 'will you allow me to ask you whether you consider me a highly virtuous, exemplary, and well-conducted man in private life; and whether, as a person whose business it is to take charge of youth, you place the strongest confidence in my unimpeachable integrity, liberality, religious principles, and ability?'

       'Certainly I do,' replied the father-in-law, reciprocating the schoolmaster's grin.

       'Perhaps you won't object to say that, if I make you a reference?'

       'Not the least in the world.'

       'That's your sort!' said Squeers, taking up a pen; 'this is doing business, and that's what I like.'

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       Having entered Mr Snawley's address, the schoolmaster had next to perform the still more agreeable office of entering the receipt of the first quarter's payment in advance, which he had scarcely completed, when another voice was heard inquiring for Mr Squeers.

       'Here he is,' replied the schoolmaster; 'what is it?'

       'Only a matter of business, sir,' said Ralph Nickleby, presenting himself, closely followed by Nicholas. 'There was an advertisement

       of yours in the papers this morning?'

       'There was, sir. This way, if you please,' said Squeers, who had by this time got back to the box by the fire-place. 'Won't you be

       seated?'

       'Why, I think I will,' replied Ralph, suiting the action to the word, and placing his hat on the table before him. 'This is my nephew, sir,

       Mr Nicholas Nickleby.'

       'How do you do, sir?' said Squeers.

       Nicholas bowed, said he was very well, and seemed very much astonished at the outward appearance of the proprietor of Dotheboys

       Hall: as indeed he was.

       'Perhaps you recollect me?' said Ralph, looking narrowly at the schoolmaster.

       'You paid me a small account at each of my half-yearly visits to town, for some years, I think, sir,' replied Squeers.

       'I did,' rejoined Ralph.

       'For the parents of a boy named Dorker, who unfortunately--'

       '--unfortunately died at Dotheboys Hall,' said Ralph, finishing the sentence.

       'I remember very well, sir,' rejoined Squeers. 'Ah! Mrs Squeers, sir, was as partial to that lad as if he had been her own; the attention, sir, that was bestowed upon that boy in his illness! Dry toast and warm tea offered him every night and morning when he couldn't swallow anything--a candle in his bedroom on the very night he died--the best dictionary sent up for him to lay his head upon--I don't regret it though. It is a pleasant thing to reflect that one did one's duty by him.'

       Ralph smiled, as if he meant anything but smiling, and looked round at the strangers present.

       'These are only some pupils of mine,' said Wackford Squeers, pointing to the little boy on the trunk and the two little boys on the floor, who had been staring at each other without uttering a word, and writhing their bodies into most remarkable contortions, according to the custom of little boys when they first become acquainted. 'This gentleman, sir, is a parent who is kind enough to compliment me upon the course of education adopted at Dotheboys Hall, which is situated, sir, at the delightful village of Dotheboys, near Greta Bridge in Yorkshire, where youth are boarded, clothed, booked, washed, furnished with pocket-money--'

       'Yes, we know all about that, sir,' interrupted Ralph, testily. 'It's in the advertisement.'

       'You are very right, sir; it IS in the advertisement,' replied Squeers.

       'And in the matter of fact besides,' interrupted Mr Snawley. 'I feel bound to assure you, sir, and I am proud to have this opportunity

       OF assuring you, that I consider Mr Squeers a gentleman highly virtuous, exemplary, well conducted, and--'

       'I make no doubt of it, sir,' interrupted Ralph, checking the torrent of recommendation; 'no doubt of it at all. Suppose we come to

       business?'

       'With all my heart, sir,' rejoined Squeers. '"Never postpone business," is the very first lesson we instil into our commercial pupils. Master Belling, my dear, always remember that; do you hear?'

       'Yes, sir,' repeated Master Belling.

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       'He recollects what it is, does he?' said Ralph.

       'Tell the gentleman,' said Squeers.

       '"Never,"' repeated Master Belling.

       'Very good,' said Squeers; 'go on.'

       'Never,' repeated Master Belling again.

       'Very good indeed,' said Squeers. 'Yes.'

       'P,' suggested Nicholas, good-naturedly.

       'Perform--business!' said Master Belling. 'Never--perform--business!'

       'Very well, sir,' said Squeers, darting a withering look at the culprit. 'You and I will perform a little business on our private account by-and-by.'

       'And just now,' said Ralph, 'we had better transact our own, perhaps.'

       'If you please,' said Squeers.

       'Well,' resumed Ralph, 'it's brief enough; soon broached; and I hope easily concluded. You have advertised for an able assistant, sir?'

       'Precisely so,' said Squeers.

       'And you really want one?'

       'Certainly,' answered Squeers.

       'Here he is!' said Ralph. 'My nephew Nicholas, hot from school, with everything he learnt there, fermenting in his head, and nothing

       fermenting in his pocket, is just the man you want.'

       'I am afraid,' said Squeers, perplexed with such an application from a youth of Nicholas's figure, 'I am afraid the young man won't

       suit me.'

       'Yes, he will,' said Ralph; 'I know better. Don't be cast down, sir; you will be teaching all the young noblemen in Dotheboys Hall in

       less than a week's time, unless this gentleman is more obstinate than I take him to be.'

       'I fear, sir,' said Nicholas, addressing Mr Squeers, 'that you object to my youth, and to my not being a Master of Arts?'

       'The absence of a college degree IS an objection,' replied Squeers, looking as grave as he could, and considerably puzzled, no less by the contrast between the simplicity of the nephew and the worldly manner of the uncle, than by the incomprehensible allusion to the young noblemen under his tuition.

      

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