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What do you think symbolises Britain best?

      Well, I used to know Britain as strong, and over the past couple of years, I don’t know if I’ve grown up, but I’ve seen it going soft. The memory I have is the war, and how we fighted [sic] all the people in WWI and WWII, and it makes me proud to be British.

       Fish or chips?

      Fish.

       Alan Carr or Jimmy Carr?

      Alan.

       David Mellor or David Beckham?

      Beckham.

       Jesus Jones or Jesus Christ?

      Jesus Christ.

       Hieronymus Bosch or a Bosch electric sander?

      I don’t know them, I’ll just put the second one.

       Plato or Playdough?

      Playdough.

       Towel or rag?

      Towel.

       Morrissey or Eric Clapton?

      Morrissey.

       Nick Nolte or Nick Griffin?

      Nick Griffin.

       In terms of the BNP’s repatriation policy on immigration, if you had to choose, who would you repatriate first, Dizzee Rascal or Tinchy Stryder?

      The second one, because I’ve never heard of him and I like Dizzee Rascal.

       Which do you dislike more: Muslims or Jews?

      Muslims.

       Do you think Nick Griffin is actually gay, or is that just a vicious rumour?

      No. I think it’s a vicious rumour.

       Have you seen him in the flesh? He’s quite mincey.

      I’ve only seen him on the news. I really like him.

       Do you think the anti-BNP movements are too overtly black?

      Not really.

       As a hypothetical solution to the immigration problem, what about dividing Britain down the middle, and using the left half for immigrants, and the right half for everyone else.

      Sorry, I don’t get that. Am I’m being really thick? No. I don’t think so.

      What if immigrants could prove their usefulness—shouldn’t they then be allowed to stay? For instance, if they began life here with a six-month period of forced labour, perhaps spent making shoes for the rest of the population in a giant shoe factory in the East Midlands?

      No. They shouldn’t come to Britain at all in the first place.

       What about people who’ve grown up in Britain from a very young age, but aren’t, as the BNP would term it, “ethnically British”? When you repatriated them, don’t you think the BNP should first give them intensive lessons in speaking, for example, the Ghanaian language, and learning the skills of an agriculturally based society?

      No. I don’t think so. Just send them back. I know that sounds really evil…

       OK, what if Ghana, or wherever, decrees that these immigrants are now Britain’s responsibilty—that they no longer have the right to live in Ghana. Do you think war with Ghana would be justified to force the issue, or would you simply propose a system of gradually raised trade sanctions, possibly with the aid of a UN mandate?

      I wouldn’t do the war, ’cos I’m against war. Er, the other one…

       Carol Thatcher—hero or villain?

      Hero.

       Al Jolson—hero or villain?

      I don’t know who he is. Um, hero.

       Mother Teresa—hero or villain.

      Hero.

       Hitler—hero or villian?

      Villain.

       Ant and Dec—heroes or villains?

      Heroes.

       Finally, has anything amusing ever happened to you in connection with spoons?

      Spoons? No. I don’t follow.

      JO BELL, NEWCASTLE

       Vice: How old are you?

      Jo: 19

       What do you do for a living?

      I haven’t got a job at the moment. I used to work in a call centre for TalkTalk. It was fun, but we got retrenched.

       What attracted you to the BNP?

      I just liked what they were saying. I think they’re talking the truth, standing up for what they believe in, not just saying what they think people want to hear.

       Are most of your friends BNP?

      Some of them are. I kind of got into it through my friend Danny. He’s really racist. Everyone calls him “Nazi Danny”. He started telling me about them, and it made a lot of sense.

       When people say the BNP is a fascist party, what do you think?

      Some people don’t understand what the BNP is about. I’ve had rows with people—not fights, just big arguments. I probably am a bit racist, mind.

       What, to you, symbolises Britain best?

      Um, I’d say maybe St George’s flag, partly because my favourite film is This Is England—it’s about skinheads, but they’re not really racist, because one of them is a black kid. They turn on him in the end, but because he was one of the gang they’re not really racist. They just believe in what they believe in.

       Fish or chips?

      Chips.

       Alan Carr or Jimmy Carr?

      Alan.

       Princess Di or Jade Goody?

      Jade.

       Ant or Dec?

      Dec.

       Brown shirt or black shirt?

      Black.

       Bird in the hand or two in the bush?

      Two in the bush.

       Fred West or Stephen Fry?

      Stephen Fry.

       Morrissey or Eric Clapton?

      Morrissey.

       What do you think the BNP could do to improve its appeal to minority voters?

      A lot of people have got an

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