Crazy Detective. Funny detective - StaVl Zosimov Premudroslovsky

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About anasha? – choking soup through the soup, Harutun sighed.

      – Just don’t sneeze. Suck it and do not spoil your appetite.

      Harutun followed the chef’s advice and sucked it into himself.

      – It is necessary to establish surveillance over a nickle and to catch all drug addicts.

      – Just, apchi, we’ll spend the community work day in the village.

      – Exactly! And the marshal will cover all our expenses. And to describe and destroy all drugs…

      – And then we will destroy this nickle.

      – Is this legal? Apchi

      – What?

      – Well, about the boar, apchi.

      – You are offending, this will all be included in the report, as a bonus to official dog Polkan, for the capture of Idot and Toad.

      – But it was I, apchi, who caught them?

      – You, but you still owe me, remember?

      – Yes, apchi, remembered.. Let there be Polkan.

      – … And we will send the report over the Internet to Marshall.

      – Have you ever seen Marshal, apchi. – Arutun slowed down the spoon.

      – No. Although I once worked as his adjutant.

      – So, who signed the documents? – Arutun reached for herring and sleeve touched the greasy layer of borsch. There is a window in his door, like in a cash register: there are secret papers and grub, to which, I tell you a secret, I spit more than once.

      – And he did not know? apchi.

      – If he did not recognize, then I would not be here.

      – I don’t understand, you lived there like cheese in butter, why did you need to spit?

      – In this country, spitting is an insult, and in my homeland it is a sign of greeting and love, like a kiss. After all, when you kiss, you suck on your partner’s drooling. And this is a kiss in the distance… No one saw his face. Well oh well, Eat up and go watch the dime.

      – And you? apchi.

      – And I’m going to think. If what?!.. – Klop yawned. I’m under the zhinka.

      – In the bedroom?

      – In the toilet, ram, of course. Better close them in the garage. From there, they still will not get out until the morning.

      – And the car? apchi.

      – Which car?

      – Well, since the garage, apchi, then there is a car?

      – There was once, more precisely, a motorcycle. Izya broke, now only a crumpled piece of metal, lying around…

      – Well, I went, Boss?! apchi.

      In the morning the old Toad came and, having received instructions, went to clean the barn. In the barn for a long time the master’s hand was not applied and everything there was covered with shit. Ottila, as usual, sat down to align the nails. I want to note that all detectives have a hobby that leads them to think: Holmes has a violin game, Poirot trusts his gray cells without interference, Agent Kay has a pie, and Klop has straightened nails. And when they were over, he would drive them in and tear them back in order to straighten them again and at the same time feel a buzz of thought.

      Bale, bale, bale, bale. And so hour after hour, day after day, year after year, and… Suddenly, a nasty face of the Toad appeared from the barn and stared, smiling at the policeman.

      – What do you want, stinker? Ottila asked.

      – Can I smoke, boss? the old man asked uncertainly.

      – Che, it stinks?

      – Not that word. You, hike, turned around a rotten corpse of a dinosaur?

      – No, I just flicked it and let the little dove out, which itself does not oxygenate.

      – Okay, smoke.

      The old man went out and took out a cigarette.

      – Wait!

      – What, boss?

      – Just leave your ass in the barn.

      – Hehe, the joke understood. – Squatted by the barn and wanted to light a cigarette…

      – … Cant, or what? – Bug bug.

      – No, boss, just Belomor.

      – Come on here.

      The old man held out a cigarette. Ottila took it and lit it. The cigarette was clean, without additives.

      – On, smoke. – Gave Ottil to the cigarette Toad.

      – And you for a long time to us?

      – I’ve been here for six years and have been thinking forever. I have reconciled. He spat on his career. Traded for this wonderful world, from which it carries dung and shit… Damn him. In short, what am I tired of already?

      – No, when I lived here until the last time I served, the district policemen changed like gloves.

      – And why?

      – The reasons were different: they were drinking too much, then they stole through measuredly.

      – Well, it does not threaten me. I am listed among my superiors as a non-drinker and a seller. Tell me something, can I finish building a barn before autumn?

      The old man examined the building, which was half made of brick. The collapsed gaps in the walls were patched up: either rotten plywood, then roofing material, then sacks.

      – Can. Only all this needs to be replaced. Yes, and your walls are obsolete.

      – And how old are they?

      – Ohhh! Chief, yes, as far as I can remember, this building stood. Here used to be a courtyard of some merchant. In the revolution, they say, they caught a runaway from the red-feathers, and there they ended up with the whole family.

      – Where?

      – What is where?

      – Well, done.

      – Ah, so here in the barn. And then it was a warehouse, and after the war – a stronghold.

      – Fun. Can you do it? Of course, do not disassemble to the end. The mills are still strong, they are also stone. Just finish them.

      – For a fine watch will not work. Moreover, you need an assistant and not one, at least two. And, of course, an advance, then there will be an incentive.

      – Well, there will be a fine clock in the advance place, but we’ll see. But I will pay if it is worth it. Like – I’ll give a chervonets, but no – the judge will give a chervonets. That’s agreed. And in the apprentice, I will tell you Idot. Do you know this?

      – Sure. This is a moron from Kyzikhston. – the old man froze sour.

      – And what?

      – Yes, he’s a drug addict, I’ll fucking. – the old man pricked the Adam’s apple with his fingers.

      – And you?

      – I AM? Damn it, this is the key fool of this moron obeyed.

      – And what, do they really communicate? she’s good at him.

      – Ay, he offered her extra income. By drinking, of course.

      – In court, of course, you will not testify these words against Idot.

      – You’re holding me for someone, boss. I’m not a bitch. I haven’t been to the zone and I won’t

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