LITMIR.BIZ

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yet, besides Martin and I have been working through options —’

      ‘Jeremy, please,’ I interrupt, ‘there is nothing to discuss. If my children are at risk there is only one solution.’ I steady my hands against the table and take a deep breath, preparing the words I need to release before they falter. ‘The bitch can have my blood. It’s only blood. I want this nightmare to end. If she gets what she wants, maybe my life will be left intact rather than in the pieces in which she seems determined to shred it.’

      I’m always shocked to hear myself unexpectedly swear, but it seems Madame Goldy brings out the very worst in me.

      ‘Over my dead body, Alexa. It is not going to happen.’

      A heaviness descends on his mood and the seriousness of his voice confirms that my decision is far from agreed from his perspective. This could be a very long night. He indicates to Martin by a nod of his head to pack up the notes on the table, then takes a firm grip of my elbow and steers me into the lounge room. I hear the front door quietly open and close. Here we go. I brace myself for the inevitable conflict and decide to make the first move.

      ‘I will not put my children in any danger, Jeremy, ever.’

      His arms wrap around me and he doesn’t let me go. He holds my head against his chest, pressing my ear to the beat of his heart, his lips touching the top of my head. I try to stay strong. I try to push him away before I am forced to tear myself away, away from the man I have finally been reunited with after all these years, the man I have loved since I first understood what love could be.

      ‘Let it go, sweetheart. You don’t need to do this alone. I am here for you. Please, let me be strong for you, for all of you.’ His words penetrate through my implacable facade and my body crumples within his firm grasp. Tears spill from my eyes as his body remains the rock his words promised. Although I still know what path I must take, I have to concede that Jeremy knows exactly what I need right now. He secures me in his embrace until my tears subside, understanding my emotional exhaustion before effortlessly scooping me up and carrying me into the master suite, placing my weary body and mind carefully on the bed as if I’m made of eggshells — a good reflection of how I feel, actually.

      ‘Do you need something to help you sleep?’ he asks gently.

      ‘You know what I’m like, Jeremy. Even the weakest drug seems to hit me hard. I’ll see how I go. Right now I have so many uncontrollable thoughts running through my head. I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. I don’t know what to do.’

      ‘Can I help in trying to subdue them for a while?’

      ‘How?’ Wondering where his mind is going.

      ‘I could run a bath.’

      ‘Ah …’ I relax a little. ‘What a perfect suggestion.’

      ‘Lavender?’

      The tiniest of smiles appears on my face, accompanying the worry that creases my brow. ‘Of course.’

      A few minutes later, slightly calmer, in the serenity of the surrounding warmth of scented water, I snuggle close into Jeremy’s chest as I lie nestled between his legs.

      ‘Just when everything was going so well, she pulls the rug from beneath our feet — again. Why can’t we find her, J? Why hasn’t she been brought to face any form of justice?’

      ‘Her time will come, sweetheart, I promise you. Someone like Jurilique will come unstuck eventually, even if it is by her own doing.’

      ‘Eventually isn’t soon enough. I need her to come unstuck in the next ten days before my life implodes into the unknown yet again.’

      His legs immediately tense around my body. ‘You will not be going anywhere near that woman, Alexa.’

      I know this isn’t going to be an easy argument to win with him, but he must know that I don’t have a choice given the circumstances, surely?

      ‘You’ve gone quiet. Why?’ he murmurs into my hair.

      He has always been able to ask me the unanswerable. I am quiet. I’m quiet because I don’t want to have this argument, one we should never be forced to have, an argument that will cause us both no end of pain because of who we are and what we know is imperative to our lives. Me to him and my children to me.

      I release a deep sigh filled with both frustration and resignation. ‘I honestly don’t know what to say. I feel numb.’

      ‘I can understand you feeling numb. Just as I feel furious with her heinous demands. But I know you too well, AB, to think that you don’t have thousands of thoughts running through that beautiful head on your shoulders. Please, share them with me. Now more than ever we need to communicate openly with each other. Don’t let her get between us by sending a piece of paper.’

      An anxious chuckle escapes me at his oversimplification of my dilemma. ‘Is that how you would describe those headlines if they were about you, Dr Quinn? A mere piece of paper.’

      The image of those headlines has been burned indelibly into my brain:

      Slut mother shuns kids for kinky sex experiment.

      Dr Blake bares all — check out her best angles here.

      Psychologist turns Psycho — would you leave your kids with this mother?

      Adultery — sadomasochism — is this what you teach your kids?

      ‘I’m not saying it’s great, obviously. But it’s nothing we can’t deal with. We are stronger than that.’

      ‘The photos, J, you should see the photos she has of me. As if the headlines aren’t bad enough but she has the graphic evidence that, shown in the wrong context, supports them. If they were just between you and me, I’ve no doubt we’d find them privately provocative. But to share them with the world … I’m a mother, a professional. This exposure will ruin me, ruin us. The way Jurilique presents them means they can only be seen as seriously f’ed up from society’s perspective. I don’t want to be in a world where they exist publicly. And imagine if the kids ever saw …’ I choke on my tears, which prevents me from continuing.

      ‘They won’t, Alexa.’

      Frustration at his dismissal of my fears tumbles out in my words. ‘Don’t tell me they won’t when they will. You don’t know what she’s like. I’ll end up as a recluse if I don’t give her what she wants in ten days. Unable to work any more, unable to face the world, or even my own family if the truth be known. I swear to God and to you, I will never allow her to touch my children. She can have my blood and I’ll keep my life. It’s the only way to deal with this.’

      I feel Jeremy’s chest rise and fall with each breath, and I sense his attempt to control his anger and anxiety for my sake. His palm is absentmindedly stroking my shoulder and now I wish I could hear his thoughts. I’m as concerned about his silence as he was with mine. We both know this argument is not going to be resolved tonight, so I change tack. ‘Can you promise me one thing?’

      ‘Depends.’ His mood remains dark; he is still far away from me, absorbed in his thoughts.

      ‘We only have a few more days left at Disney World with the kids until we meet up with Robert. I don’t want them to know anything about this. I want to enjoy this time with them in case —’

      His hand immediately covers my mouth, stopping me from saying any more.

      ‘Don’t ever speak like that, Alexa. I literally won’t let you.’ He maintains this position to give more credence to his statement and grips me tight against his hard body, as if buying time to get his own thoughts in order. His legs anchor around mine and twist around my ankles, spreading me as wide as the bath will allow. I’m fully restrained against him. ‘But I think it’s a good idea,’ he continues. ‘We should maintain the status quo while we’re here, for the sake of the children.’

      I immediately relax as he accepts my suggestion and my body melts into the warmth of

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