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hippie dipstick

      Leave it to me. I’ll have a word in her shell-like.

      Simon Horne – 3/1/00, 11.33am

      to… Pinki Fallon

      cc… Liam O’Keefe

      bcc… David Crutton

      re… Coke

      Pinki, I respect your principles, but we really need you and Liam playing ball with l’equipe ‘A’ on this one. Can I say a couple of things before you make up your mind?

      Naturellement, we share your concerns vis-à-vis the Coke/Mammon scenario. It is a vexing state of affairs.

      David promises to register forcefully our feelings when next he meets their people.

      Secondly, if we do not win it, people will lose their jobs.

      I am certain you would not want additions to the unemployment statistics to prey on your mind.

      I hope we will see you at the 12.00.

      Si

      Pinki Fallon – 3/1/00, 11.39am

      to… Simon Horne

      cc… Liam O’Keefe; David Crutton

      re… Coke

      I phoned Master Shenkar and he’s cool. I know this account is worth more than the GNP of Guatemala, but David won’t accept the business unless we can present them with a more holistic alternative to capitalist imperialism, will he?

      David Crutton – 3/1/00, 11.41am

      to… Pinki Fallon

      cc…

      re… Coke

      Trust me, I’m an adman. See you at the meeting.

      Susi Judge-Davis – 3/1/00, 11.56am

      to… Creative Department

      cc…

      re… Coke

      Please make your way to the Coke briefing in the boardroom. Simon asks you to bring pads and not to be late.

      Zoë Clarke – 3/1/00, 12.30pm

      to… Carla Browne

      cc…

      re… that bastard!!!

      Un-fucking-believable!!!!! Have you heard what the bastard, Crettin, did to Fi? She’s gone!!!!! He made her clear her desk that minute. She didn’t even have time to meet me in the loo for a good cry!!!!!! Can’t believe he fired her on a bank holiday!!!!! We shouldn’t even be here!!!!! The story is he did it ’cos she couldn’t make his stupid e-mail work!! Incredible!!!! I’ve been trying to get her on her mobile all morning. She must be able to do him for wrongful something or other. Let’s talk at lunch!!!!!!! See you in Bar Zero? Zxxx

      Carla Browne – 3/1/00, 12.35pm

      to… Zoë Clarke

      cc…

      re… that bastard!!!

      I heard, poor cow!! Doesn’t that shit know this is a bad time for her – did you see how much she put on over Christmas? And, apart from her weight, she was a fucking brilliant PA. Anyway, no chance of me coming to lunch. I’ve still got the hangover from hell – glad these bloody millennium thingys only come once every ten years. And I’ve got to start Desperate Dan’s Coke presentation. God, you should see this document. Bloody sodding pie charts everywhere!!!!!!!! Who reads this bollocks? Looks like I’ll be in all night – bang goes step. If you get hold of Fi, e me back with details!!!! I feel so sorry for her!! Cxxx

      Liam O’Keefe – 3/1/00, 12.42pm

      to… Brett Topowlski

      cc…

      re… tossers

      Is the Coke brief the biggest wank-off yet, or what? Do Crutton and Westbrooke really think we can write decent ads on a strategy like that? ‘Coke: lifeblood’ – what the fuck does it mean? And what’s a ‘carbonated lifestyle delivery system’ when it’s at home? Even Pinki says it stinks. Major worry – I rely on her magic touch with shit briefs. See you in BZ in fifteen and we’ll talk tits: i.e. how the fuck I can get Joanne Guest’s award winning baps into a Kimbelle Super Dri ad without Pinki having me up for Grievous Political Incorrectness.

      Simon Horne – 3/1/00, 12.45pm

      to… Creative Department

      cc… David Crutton; Daniel Westbrooke

      re… arses in gear 2

      I am sure you will join me in thanking David and Daniel for a staggeringly inspirational briefing.

      ‘Coke: lifeblood’ is a truly incisive strategy – one that gives you the chance to do some really famous work.

      No doubt your creative juices will be flowing like the Ganges in flood.

      I would like to see first thoughts early next week.

      Let us get out there and grab the advertising Rottweiler by its hairy testes.

      Si

      Brett Topowlski – 3/1/00, 12.49pm

      to… Liam O’Keefe

      cc…

      re… tossers

      BZ at 1.00. By the way, you got any idea what creative juices look like? Vin just blew his nose and I think his are now in a Kleenex.

      David Crutton – 3/1/00, 12.59pm

      to… Chandra Kapoor

      cc…

      re… e-mail

      When the Microsoft ads ask me, ‘Where do you want to go today?’, I do not reply with ‘Finland’ – after Latvia, the dullest country in Europe.

      As Head of IT, surely you can answer this simple question. Why is it that every time I send a bloody internal e-mail it ends up in Helsinki? One member of staff has already lost her job today because of this. Sort it out now.

      NB: do not blame this on the Millennium Bug. This is the sorriest excuse since ‘the dog ate my homework’.

      Zoë Clarke – 3/1/00, 2.10pm

      to… Carla Browne

      cc…

      re… the dirt!!!

      Boy, oh boy!!!! Finally got Fi on her mobile and we went for a quick one at Bar Zero. Just got back!! Un-fucking-believable!!!!! She’s in such a state, poor thing!!!!! Gotta go. Stupid Pinki’s yelling at me to book her shiatsu and that bitch, Susi, won’t lift a finger!! Who the fuck does she think she is, stuck up cow?!!!! Zxxx

      Carla Browne – 3/1/00, 3.00pm

      to… Zoe Clarke

      cc…

      re… the dirt!!!

      God, poor Fi!!!! But what about me?!!!! Don’t tell a soul, but Rachel whatsit called me down and

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